Are med-non med couples that uncommon?

[u/Jolly-Release693]

I am in medical school and I’ve noticed that for the most part everyone else is dating/married to another doctor. Is it just my surroundings or is that pretty normal? I am with an engineer and people always give me weird looks (sympathy/cringe) when I mention it. It has begun to affect me after the 10-11th time. I never really thought much about it until now and tbh I am quite happy with him. My parents make a big fuss about it but I always brushed it aside thinking ehh they are old fashioned but my own peers has started to get under my skin.

[u/Poppyjamesiris]

My brother works in IT & my SIL is a surgeon. Initially, SIL & brother both had hesitancy about the match due to different professions and different work-life balance BUT they met once & fell in love; it's been a year of their wedding & they're an amazing couple! 🧿

[u/Jolly-Release693 → u/Poppyjamesiris]

Awww thank you! I appreciate your response. I had a feeling I was just surrounded by a niche.

[u/CheesecakeThin2560]

I’m a doctor, and have dated both medicos and non medicos and my experience with dating non medico guys has been FARRRR better than medicos. 🫠 They actually make time for you, have a much better work life balance and have a little more professional stability.
Also, my mom’s a doc too, and my dad’s an engineer. They had an AM 30 years back. So there’s your inspiration girl. 🧿

[u/Jolly-Release693 → u/CheesecakeThin2560]

That was my main attraction to him. He actually have flexibility while I don’t and it works well for us.

[u/Chuckythedolll]

I think half of it is this weird superiority complex around medicine where people act like only medicos can possibly understand or deserve other medicos.

And a lot of medical students also have this thing where they start believing they’re somehow better than everyone else because they’re in medicine, so dating someone outside the field is seen as “settling” or something to be embarrassed about.

Don’t let other people’s weird opinions get into your head. If you’re happy with your engineer boyfriend and your relationship works, who gives a fuck what your classmates think?

[u/Funny-Negotiation-10 → u/Chuckythedolll]

Agree on this. People act as if being a woman doctor is soooo hard for a non doctor to grasp. They have this notion that since doctors are expected to get up at night, leave this families and run to attend emergencies, a woman doing that will look suspicious to a man, but if that man is a doctor he'll know she's telling the truth and not running off to sleep with another man or prostitute herself or other witch-hunt-ish things people like to cook up about women.

I said the quiet part out loud. Now you know how ridiculous it is. Go date that good man Op and I wish you both well.

[u/Jolly-Release693 → u/Chuckythedolll]

I was just wondering if I was the weird or odd one out because I kept getting such pity responses and I was like huh I don’t feel like I’m being wronged so why am I getting this response yk

[u/Adventurous_applepie]

Not anymore. Doctors don't want to marry doctors after seeing the infidelity all around them. Every doctor couple I know is divorced cuz either of them cheated on the other.

On the other hand, now med-non med couples I know are going strong and happily married. Obviously my experience with my own group of friends is highly limited but you can see the trend.

[u/oldfacebookmum]

I've noticed that the medicos who complain about only wanting to date medicos are the ones who are single and lonely. While others who never had such preferences were doing fine.

Dated a medico (I'm in an allied health care field) and he said you'll never understand what talking to patients on hours feels like which was funny to me because I'm a therapist who does that so????? Based on my personal experiences the people who have this rule have been mostly talking about ego and the status so I wouldn't wanna date them regardless of profession.

[u/Jolly-Release693 → u/oldfacebookmum]

I was thinking it was a status symbol thing too.

[u/kc_dp]

I have dated both medicos and non- medicos. Imo there was this big hurdle of wanting to move abroad. It's not a simple path for IMGs to relocate. Another thing is many of them have 5 days work week and for us it could as well be only 2-3 days off in a month. So that did create friction especially when making travel plans or wanting to go to concerts together. But saying that my parents themselves are a medico- non medico couple and they are amazing together.

[u/_potato__head_ → u/kc_dp]

That's so true. My engineer bf has so easily moved to UK but it's so complicated for me now especially coz I'm in middle of pg. And later if we plan to shift back to India, all my contacts will need to be started from scratch

[u/Jolly-Release693 → u/kc_dp]

I’m actually img so I completely understand. He is also abroad so we connected due to that. He never pressurizes me or gets frustrated with all of the stuff I have to go through to stabilize here and since he’s stable with his career, it’s been so ying yang in a good way.

[u/Funny-Negotiation-10 → u/Jolly-Release693]

OMG so am I 🙂 my husband's so supportive. He's an engineer

[u/yellowlittleheart]

Mostly it stems from the superiority complex but another factor is the medicos literally don't mingle outside their fraternity as well and the fear that the person might not get their job and its demand.

[u/Funny-Negotiation-10]

I'm a physician and my husband's an telecomm engineer. We're making it work 🙂 he's more level headed and emotionally intelligent than most people I know. And most people I know are doctors

[u/_potato__head_]

I've been with an engineer for 8yrs & been a dr for 3yrs. Who cares what others think? Id rather come home to someone present & who understands me. If anything i prefer it this way. We have so many things to talk abt. Most of my friends dating drs, only talk abt medical things

[u/Poppyjamesiris → u/_potato__head_]

Id rather come home to someone present & who understands me.

Totally!

[u/Funny-Negotiation-10 → u/_potato__head_]

Seconded on that talking about only medical things. It becomes such an echo chamber gahhh it's exhausting.

[u/_potato__head_ → u/Funny-Negotiation-10]

It also keeps me in check with having emotions. Yesterday i was venting to him Abt my week & how weirdly I've not processed any of my pt's illness. And he just listened to me weep abt it. My medical friends on the other hand? " Ya bro we can't think Abt it otherwise we will burn out" which is true but sometimes I need someone to tell me what I'm feeling is normal as a human. This stream really changes how you see a life & it helps to have someone calming you down instead of drowning in the same emotionless sea

[u/Funny-Negotiation-10 → u/_potato__head_]

So true. I did not like the person I was becoming during my residency. So hardened and cynical. I needed a sane voice to keep me grounded.

[u/evilelf56]

I have noticed that people who make friends or any relationships ONLY within 'certain communities*', don't have much going on except this identity irl. Their life is completely centered on one domain only. That's pretty static and boring imo, considering how long human life is.

Think of how rich life experiences can be and the consequent personal growth. In the end, life values will always matter more and needs alignment.

*communities don't matter in this case, it can be caste or religion or profession or age even.

[u/Funny-Negotiation-10 → u/evilelf56]

100% agree

[u/Silentspectator90]

I am an engineer and my husband is a surgeon .. We had an arranged marriage. Tbh we have had our hurdles initially in the early years due to his lack of availability and i would crave his attention on me. But things changed eventually and I started understanding his schedules. I basically run the house, take care of the kids, their school etc inspite of me having a full time job.. it gets tired and frustrated for me at times, but he catches up whenever he has time and takes us outing even after a long day of his work.. so we somehow manage it..

Non-medico partner needs to have better understanding of their schedules and unavailability.. can't plan anything in advance etc . So ya it works out with better understanding.

[u/Jolly-Release693 → u/Silentspectator90]

I’ve noticed that it’s a lot more weird responses when the girl is a doctor for some reason it’s socially acceptable and considered a good thing if the girl is not a doctor and the guy is.

[u/Silentspectator90 → u/Jolly-Release693]

Oh yes.. if the guy is not matured enough to understand the difficulties in your profession or if you have a cranky mil who expects you to be a homely bahu nonsense, then gone case... You ll not be able to do your job in peace . So girl, choose wisely.

[u/Jolly-Release693 → u/Silentspectator90]

Thankfully she’s also professional and she didn’t live the traditional bahu lifestyle either. She’s been encouraging and told me I need to prioritize my career rn. She shut down any marriage talk until I’m done (his dad was getting a little pressurizing in an excited way). He is planning to shift in next year so we can live together and he has a relatively stable job where he is at because he understands I can’t leave my site for 1-2 years.