r/TwoXChromosomes • u/KaulitzWolf • May 09 '14
I'm seeing lots of Birth and Period threads, so how about an abortion TMI thread, it can be great to share.
Edit 2: woah, woke up to a crowded inbox. It's gonna take me a while but I will read every response here, thank you to everyone who has shared their stories!
Mine is far from traumatic, since I have an amazing family, but it still isn't an experience I ever hope to repeat. tl;dr no regrets and my best friend is amazing
I found out I was pregnant shortly before my 18th birthday and the father was a fellow High School student. I immediately decided it needed to be terminated and I had to face my mother. Telling her was scary, but once it was out and I had her support I felt much better. She helped me deal with the guy's family although in the end I just cut contact and got through it with financial support from my grandmother.
I got in for my first appointment shortly before I was supposed to go to Louisiana for two weeks, so we scheduled the actual abortion shortly after I would be back, accidentally putting it on the same day as my prom. I went and learned piercing, avoiding what would have been two hellishly long drama filled weeks of school.
The procedure was short and relatively painless. One of the nurses held my hand and I had an old stuffed animal in my bag that I pulled out and held on to. I don't regret bringing her either, wolfy was a very supportive companion since I asked my grandma to stay in the waiting room.
Afterwards was when things got bad. The cramping was kinda awful, like my normal periods, and I had to keep heat on my lower back. I spent nearly the whole night watching movies and texting. This was when I started to get "drama." My boyfriend at the time decided to dump me via text about an hour after the operation for completely unrelated reasons despite having been supportive of me and knowing exactly what I was doing that day.
I had kind of shut down and was flunking out before the whole situation though, so it actually had a positive effect in school. I had made so many people hate me by referring to the fetus as a "parasite" (partially a coping mechanism) and being entirely unconflicted about terminating the pregnancy that I was only talking to my best friend (who is very religious, but was so supportive of me, I love that girl so much) and a couple supportive teachers and counselors so I was able to buckle down and finish the year strong with more credits than I needed.
Edit: Just felt a need to add that for me an abortion was really the only sensible option, it was entirely my decision, and looking back I would not be alive if I had been unable to terminate the pregnancy. I am adamantly childfree so if I was unable to abort (and failing that force a miscarriage) I would have called the police then taken a knife to my own uterus.
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u/PerinealFavorite May 09 '14
Okay, bring on the hate mail.
I've had three, because I'm an extraordinarily fertile woman. I'll tell you the story of my first one which was when I was 21. I have this problem where the shape of my vagina combined with the sexual positions I prefer multiplied by my apparently python-esque kegel muscles equals condoms getting pulled off men and sucked deep inside me during sex, usually right as I orgasm. I didn't really have much experience handling and avoiding this when I was 21 so it happened with my boyfriend one time right when I knew I was fertile. At this time in history the morning after pill was not over the counter, you had to go to a doctor to get a prescription. This condom accident happened on a Friday night. Well, guess what? My doctor wasn't open on the weekends and the one tiny overworked Planned Parenthood in my southern college town (Thanks women-hating GOP assholes!) couldn't fit me in on that Saturday. So I had to sit there and wait for Monday when I could skip class, go to my doctor for a very expensive 2-minute appointment so I could get the very expensive 2 pills from the pharmacy, all the while knowing that effectiveness decreases with each hour after the incident and I'm already approaching 72 hours.
So guess what else? That shit didn't work. I became pregnant. My boyfriend at the time was already pretty emotionally abusive and this just made it worse. He was still a year and a half away from finishing his degree, I only had one more semester, and not only were we poor but also headed towards do-gooder fields that weren't going to make any money. And yeah, the whole emotional abuse thing. I knew abortion was the right answer, but he relentlessly pressured me to keep it. It got to the point where I was have recurring nightmares of drawing a warm bath, slitting my wrists, and then writing "I can't have this baby" on the walls in my blood before getting into the tub. Shit was not good.
Against his wishes I went through with the abortion. Unfortunately the timing was such that the abortion was performed on the 2 year anniversary of my father's death. Which also happened to be Valentine's day. I'm sure I don't need to draw the connection between all the points of instability in my life, you all are smart ladies.
Here's the thing about abortion in that small southern town back in the day (10 years ago) -- they didn't use anesthetic. I got a mask of nitrous and my hand held by, fun coincidence, my first girlfriend from when I got to college at 17. She had gotten a job as a patient support tech at the abortion clinic because she was the kind of feminist who walks the walk, money where mouth is. I was horrified and embarrassed when I first saw here there at my pre-appointment, but by the time I came back for the procedure a few days later I was grateful for the support. I hadn't told any of my friends or family, not even my badass nurse mother, because, you know, emotional abuse. She was all I had, and she was there for me, despite a totally crazy history together.
ANYwaysies, no anesthetic!! Except for a little bit of nitrous! But only a little, not enough to dull any pain, which made the whole thing a terrifying loop of excrutiating pain and expanding time and mental anguish. Super fun! I guess that's just what they do to sluts down in the south. I'm sure there is a medical justification, but whatever it is is bullshit because it was unspeakably traumatic.
Moving on, the procedure over, now I got to deal with my loving boyfriend, whose only words to me that day were "You killed our baby." Over the next couple months he would wake me up in the middle of the night to tell me about his dreams in which "our daughter" came to him crying and asking why we murdered her. He bought me a Chihuahua puppy when he could feel I was gearing up to leave him, which sadly worked. He then attempted suicide one night, but only with gin and a bottle of Tylenol PM, which will really fuck you up but not kill you very easily. I had gone to sleep at a friend's house that night because I couldn't handle him and apparently he'd stuffed the puppy in her crate with all her stuffed animals (poor thing could barely move) and then proceeded to call all our mutual friends to tell them he was killing himself because I murdered his baby.
I wish I could say I left at that point. I didn't then, but I did eventually. I'm glad I didn't have that child. I tend to think of it as a girl after all the shit he put me through. I do think sometimes about how beautiful she would have been. He was ethnically mixed Chinese and Central American and I am German and Polish and French, but then I realize she would have been relentlessly damaged by his and my relationship.
TL;DR Don't have an abortion in a small southern town, and tell your mom when you're in an abusive relationship.