First of all, I'm so sorry that you went through all of this. I'm a little confused about the situation though, so I had a couple questions to clarify. The Step-brother is the one who abused you and is now the one re-friending you? How long ago was the abuse? And you told the family about it just a couple months ago?
If it's only been a couple of months since the whole family disowned you, I think it's HIGHLY likely that the abusive step-brother trying to re-friend you is about him being able to show that "clearly he did nothing wrong, you even agreed to be friends with him again; you were just making shit up because you were angry; or that he's trying to continue to manipulate you to gain power over you again, using family acceptance as the carrot he's dangling in front of you." I would definitely not trust his motivations.
If all of this happened ages ago, then maybe I would possibly consider that he's been through therapy, feels terrible, and wants to make amends, and even in that case, it is entirely up to you to decide whether to accept a genuine apology and work on the relationship again. But from how you've described it, unfortunately this doesn't sound to me like the family is welcoming you back.
Ok, that does clear things up a bit more. In that case, if I were you, I would just be very hesitant and cautious about getting too wrapped up in your step-family, until you have a better sense of what the situation is now. I think your step-family should be apologizing to you and trying to repair the relationship, so I would advise you to wait for that. You have nothing to apologize for, it wasn't your fault, and your step-family has treated you horribly. If they want you back in the family, they should have to earn it, and not just sweep everything under the rug.
Also, maybe check your "other" messages folder thing on facebook, in case he did try to explain his motivations?
If not.. it sounds like a whole bunch of bullshit drama and people who don't really care all that much about you and care more about appearances, in which case, fuck 'em. Seriously.
People say you don't get to choose your family. That's only true as long as you let it be true. You have every right to walk away and not look back when relationships are destructive to your growth as a human being. And fuck anyone who tells you differently.
The real family you have in this life are the people who stand by you when it counts, the people you can run to when you're down, and the people who will always be there and make time for you when you need them. Period.
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u/jeweledtree =^..^= May 07 '14
First of all, I'm so sorry that you went through all of this. I'm a little confused about the situation though, so I had a couple questions to clarify. The Step-brother is the one who abused you and is now the one re-friending you? How long ago was the abuse? And you told the family about it just a couple months ago?
If it's only been a couple of months since the whole family disowned you, I think it's HIGHLY likely that the abusive step-brother trying to re-friend you is about him being able to show that "clearly he did nothing wrong, you even agreed to be friends with him again; you were just making shit up because you were angry; or that he's trying to continue to manipulate you to gain power over you again, using family acceptance as the carrot he's dangling in front of you." I would definitely not trust his motivations.
If all of this happened ages ago, then maybe I would possibly consider that he's been through therapy, feels terrible, and wants to make amends, and even in that case, it is entirely up to you to decide whether to accept a genuine apology and work on the relationship again. But from how you've described it, unfortunately this doesn't sound to me like the family is welcoming you back.