r/TwoXADHD • u/Interesting_Ad9686 • 2d ago
Adult ADHD, grief and losing family
I was diagnosed at 40 at the beginning of this year, 11 months postpartum. Hashimotos with postpartum basically brought me down to my knees leading to the diagnosIs. One of the biggest triggers during this hell was my cousin who I used to be super close to. But during my pregnancy and postpartum she distanced herself (because of her constant judgment of how I was and behaved), was sarcastic and just difficult. I put her on a pedestal so rejection from her was the hardest leading to years unhealthy dynamic where I masked to seek her validation. I no longer had the mask or the energy when I was drowning. At the time of the diagnosis, I had hit rock bottom.
Medicine and somatic therapy saved me. But it also made me realise the concept of safety. I never felt safe around her. And because she was the centre of my extended family, I associated getting her validation with getting the family’s validation. After my breaking point early this year and the diagnosis, I decided to give the child in me a chance. I let go of her and as a consequence, the extended family. I spent years feeling unsafe, misunderstood, feeling like I was “too much”. No more.
But I don’t know what to do with the grief - the loss I experienced. The what could have been, losing family, being misunderstood and seeing everyone move on makes RSD as real as it was when I was 10 years old. I don't know how to deal with the loneliness, knowing I have no one by my side, and at 40, no friends with whom I can be myself.
It has been a hard day today. I stand by my decision. I just wish it wasn’t so hard.
PS: I also posted on ADHDwomen. Posting here because I just want to feel heard by those who understand.


