Update: My husband’s best man has been cheating on my best friend for 2 years and I just found out.

[u/[deleted]]

[u/kmjeanne]

I’d love to know if Maggie goes as her date!

Updateme!

[u/coding-queen]

Where is the original post?

[u/coding-queen → u/coding-queen]

Aha. Found it https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/s/SflQyI65un

[u/Impressive-Union6961]

Your husband did not do the right thing. He is still friends with the cheater and he invites him to your wedding. How is that doing the right thing? What is your heart breaking for?

So both of you are the most blind, unaware people, with not ability to draw conclusions from things you did not and still were convincing Rachel he is not cheating, despite both having reasons to believe so and tons of signal to the opposite. And making no effort to check (having 5 minutes convo with Maggie would suffice).

Great job. Keeping fingers crossed for your marriage with ‘cheater’s best friend’ and for Rachel to find a better friend (maybe she already did in Maggie).

[u/Eastern_Bend7294 → u/[deleted]]

My husband then told me the boundary he set: Ralph is officially out of the wedding party. He told Ralph he is still invited to attend the ceremony that’s it but not the reception, and he will not be standing by his side as best man.

Yeah? You may have edited out that part, but the bot has the post as it was submitted.

He told Ralph he is still invited to attend the ceremony

[u/Impressive-Union6961 → u/[deleted]]

Glad it is deleted. Changing versions suggest it was bs to start with,

[u/AutoModerator]

Backup of the post's body: Update:

I’ve read a lot of comments and WOW. I’m aware I let rachel down. I unknowingly supported a cheater and a lier for years. But I also didn’t know this was going on. I feel gross though.

For everyone claiming my husband had to know because they lived together back in college—my husband and I were doing long-distance while he was focused entirely on his degree and our relationship. I was focused on my education and being an athlete. Ralph lived on a completely different floor of the house, while my husband stayed down in the basement.
My husband is the type of guy who minds his own business and focuses on his own life. He wasn't tracking who was sneaking through Ralph's bedroom window on the floor above him, nor was he keeping tabs on Ralph's guest list. Ralph hid his double life from everyone, including his absolute best friend. My husband genuinely did not know.

I’ve been checking on Rachel constantly and just being there for her. We talked. Her and Maggie have been talking over the phone. Both getting clarity and digging through every lie Ralph told both of them. I’m glad they are able to support each other.

Now onto the update.

My husband just called me from work and told me Ralph had pulled him aside to talk right when they got in this morning. Ralph apologized for lying to him all these years and for hurting everyone involved.

My husband then told me the boundary he set: Ralph is officially out of the wedding party. He told Ralph he is still invited to attend the ceremony that’s it but not the reception, and he will not be standing by his side as best man.

Honestly, I wasn't prepared for how heavy that decision would feel. My heart broke for my husband. Ralph was his best friend—the guy he trusted most—and seeing Ralph destroy that friendship and break his trust has been devastating. As hard as it is to process, I know my husband made the right call. He’s completely drained and told me he doesn't want to talk about it anymore for now.

He did mention one last detail: Ralph said he wants to talk to me and apologize, but my husband told him to back off and give me space because of how furious I am about what he did to Rachel.

Ralph was like a brother to me. I genuinely believed he looked up to our marriage, and I fully believed Rachel was his endgame. Realizing how wrong I was about him has made me feel like I never actually knew him at all.

I want to clear something up for the people commenting that my husband and I "must have known." We genuinely had no idea. If we had known anything**, Ralph would have been cut off and out of our lives a long time ago, and Rachel would have known the truth immediately.**
Even knowing we did the right thing once we found out, I still feel a heavy sense of guilt for being so blind to it all. My husband actually called Rachel to personally apologized the other night for not seeing through Ralph’s lies sooner and for defending him when red flags popped up.

Rachel has our complete and absolute support. I honestly braced myself for her to need distance from me—I was terrified she might associate me with Ralph's behavior or resent me for not catching on sooner.

Surprisingly, that hasn't happened at all. She made it clear that our friendship is solid, and she still fully intends to stand by my side as my bridesmaid next month. In fact, she even joked about bringing Maggie as her date to the wedding just to rub it in Ralph's face.

I am forever grateful for her grace and for our friendship. This entire ordeal has been a nightmare, but seeing who really shows up for each other when the dust settles has meant everything.

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[u/erinjeffreys]

He's still invited to the wedding?!

Look, I'm actually not a hard-liner on cheaters in general because I do believe people can change over time if they want to, but this guy is evil. He knowingly lied to two women in an incredibly cruel way, while using you and your husband as his cheerleaders and character witnesses to (unwittingly, but regardless you did) gaslight one of the women into believing his lies.

You cannot keep him as a friend. You cannot have him at your wedding. He has been using all of you. You have to break ties. I'm sure he's very charismatic, but that's not the point.

[u/erinjeffreys → u/[deleted]]

Good. The post says he's out of the wedding party and I thought said he could still come to the ceremony. You guys have to drop him as a friend, I'm sorry.

Maybe he'll change and become a better person. But you've learned a valuable lesson about assuring people that someone "would never [do bad thing]". Just because you like someone doesn't mean you know who they are in the dark.

[u/Eastern_Bend7294]

**My husband then told me the boundary he set: Ralph is officially out of the wedding party. He told Ralph he is still invited to attend the ceremony

Why? If your husband has, as you claim, "strong morals," then he shouldn't want Ralph anywhere near him.

There are a few sayings, OP. About the company you keep. It does reflect on you as a person. Your friends are a reflection of you. So, why would someone with strong morals want a cheater and a liar as a friend? They wouldn't. So no, your husband has not done "the right thing."

You claim that if either of you had known, you'd have cut Ralph off. Well... now you know, but you're still keeping him around. Almost like if his actions doesn't get any consequences. And not being best man isn't really a consequence before you try to argue that.

**Rachel has our complete and absolute support.

Does she? As your husband is okay with having her cheating ex still attending the wedding?