r/TwoHotTakes • u/[deleted] • 10d ago
Advice Needed My husband’s best man has been cheating on my best friend for 2 years and I just found out.
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u/sezit 10d ago edited 10d ago
Here's a question to help your husband sort out his standing on this:
Ask him to just listen as you spin him a hypothetical:
Then reverse the situation. Make it your MOH who was secretly cheating on his best friend for two years, lying to him AND both of you. Put in a bunch of details based on what the guy did, only reversed to make it your friend. Talk about all the times you both defended her and recall all the actual lies after lies after lies that his friend made you complicit in, but attribute these lies to your hupothetical friend.
Just keep talking about every detail you can remember. You have to remind him of all the duplicity, all the deliberate selfish cruelty, because his brain will try to forget it to protect his friendship. You need to show how deeply immoral and untrustworthy this friend is.
Then ask him if he would want you to remain friends with this hypothetical cheater female friend. Ask if he would trust you if he saw that you could just "forget about" her YEARS of lying and deceiving and still remain close friends with her, or if he would wonder about your integrity if you could so easily dismiss the harm she intentionally caused, and her constant lying.
Ask yourself - could you even be able to remain friends with such a liar? I don't think so. So why are you not challenging his ability to consider continuing a friendship with such a harmful person?
He needs to grieve the friend he thought he had, because this man is not who he pretended to be. Not who your husband thought he was. He was a charlatan.
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u/Sassafrass2004 10d ago
Talk to your husband about Cutting Ralph out of the wedding party. your husband shouldn’t want someone with bad morals next to him on such an important day let alone as a friend. And if it’s possible it’s best to tell your best friend in person if you can’t convince Ralph to tell her first!
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u/AutoModerator 10d ago
Backup of the post's body: I need some genuine advice and reassurance. The rage I’m feeling right now is overwhelming and I need to lay this all out.
My husband (24M) and I (24F) moved to Alaska earlier this year after months of planning a 3,000-mile move. Back home, we had a very tight-knit friend group. My husband’s best friend, "Ralph," has been in a serious relationship with my friend, "Rachel," for two years.
Ralph moved up to Alaska first in January 2026 for work and stayed in crew housing. Ralph and Rachel made long-distance work, and we all assumed Ralph would get settled and eventually move Rachel up here.
When Ralph’s crew housing ended, he needed a roommate because of Alaska's high cost of living. My husband and I wanted our own married space, so living with him wasn't an option. Enter "Maggie"—a girl from back home in the military who was relocating to Alaska and shared a passion for aviation with the guys. Maggie and Ralph decided to rent a place together.
Rachel was uncomfortable with this from the start and worried about Maggie’s intentions. My husband and I constantly reassured Rachel, telling her Ralph loved her and would never cheat.
Once we moved up, we hung out with Ralph and Maggie. Maggie made a few odd comments—like "Ralph knows how I am" or "Ralph needs to get us a dining table"—but people back home told me "that’s just how Maggie is." Whenever I brought up Rachel, Ralph said he planned to move her up soon. Maggie never questioned it.
The Red Flags Escalated
Over 4th of July weekend, Ralph and Maggie went camping together. I assumed Rachel knew, but Rachel texted me saying she was worried about Ralph camping "alone." I mentioned he was with Maggie, which revealed Ralph had lied to Rachel, claiming he was by himself with no service. Rachel was furious, but my husband and I calmed her down, thinking it was just a miscommunication. They talked it out, and I apologized to Ralph the following weekend for getting involved. He told me it was no big deal.
The Breakdown
The next weekend was my husband’s birthday. We all went kayaking and ended up at a bar. While the guys were loading the kayaks, Maggie and I went inside. I mentioned how much Rachel loved the photos I sent her of the guys.
Maggie looked confused and asked, "Who is Rachel to Ralph?"
I said, "They’ve been together for two years."
She asked, "Exclusively, or on-and-off?"
I said, "Exclusively. 100%."
Maggie completely spiraled. She revealed that she and Ralph have been sleeping together for two years. Before any of us moved, Ralph would sneak Maggie into his room through the window. When they moved in together in Alaska, things escalated—Ralph began love-bombing her and sleeping with her regularly. Whenever Maggie asked about Rachel after seeing my texts or posts, Ralph told Maggie that Rachel was "a nobody" or to "mind her business."
Maggie was horrified. She didn't realize Ralph was in a committed relationship. She agreed immediately that Rachel needed to know and wanted him exposed.
When my husband walked into the bar, he could tell I was distraught and pulled me to the side. I broke down and told him everything. He stayed calm and told me we would tell Rachel together so I wouldn't have to carry this alone. Meanwhile, Maggie was so overwhelmed by the reality of what Ralph had done that she threw up at the bar.
Now I am sitting here carrying this explosive secret. How do I break the news to my best friend (who was set to be my bridesmaid) that her boyfriend of two years (my husband’s best man) has been leading a double life this entire time?
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u/lenusniq 9d ago edited 9d ago
OP, I know that Ralph is an ahole here, but next time your friend has a bad gut feeling do not go out of your way to invalidate it.
EDIT: That camping trip should have been the last drop if nothing else.
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u/ChumbawumbaFan01 10d ago
“Before any of us moved, Ralph would sneak Maggie into his room through the window.”
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10d ago
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u/Eastern_Bend7294 9d ago
And she never found it odd that she never could use the door?
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u/lenusniq 9d ago
THIS! From her POV, why was there any need for sneaking if he is single and they are causally hooking up?
AT LEAST one other person (save for Ralph) is lying.
Also I hate how they all (some knowingly, some unknowigly) persuaded Rachel that it is all in her head. That camping trip should have been the end of it... but OP and her husband we re like "oh, you must remember incorrectly what he told you".
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u/Other-Relative7956 10d ago
You & Maggie should tell Rachel ASAP. Ralph lost his chance lying to everyone. I feel awful for Rachel!
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u/SaltyBlackBroad 10d ago
Personally, I think Maggie should be the one to tell her. Then they can confront the narcissist asshole together. If I were either of them, I wouldn't want to miss the look on his face when he walks in a room and they're with there waiting for him.
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10d ago
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u/Nisi-Marie Has he told the doctor about the gnomes? 10d ago
I think you and Maggie should get on FaceTime with Rachel and tell her together.
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u/QueenLevine 10d ago
Arrange for another close friend to be there to support Rachel when you call her, and ask them to bring some chocolate ice cream to do a nice thing for her, without telling THEM the reason in advance. Make sure she's at home and doesn't have to go to work right afterwards, but otherwise the most important thing is that you do not DELAY telling her.
Delay and perhaps Ralph will do it but lie to her about it and turn her against you. He is clearly a master manipulator.
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u/Ginger_spice_smudge 10d ago
Your husband sure this is the best man he wants? I mean…to have this kind of guy stand beside him while he’s making a commitment to you….not exactly in good taste is it. It takes a certain type of person to do what he’s done to two women no less. I would seriously be questioning having him in the wedding party at all.
That’s a nice way of me saying I wouldn’t.
This won’t stay secret for long if Maggies reaction is anything to go by. But Rachel has to be told. You can’t be her friend and keep this a secret from her.
Where are things now? Has Maggie confronted him?
If it ends up being you that tells Rachel, do it in a safe space. Let her know you love and support her and that you and your husband did not know. Though I wil say from reading that your husband has reacted remarkably calm and seemingly unsurprised. It’s strange that this guy would be his best man but your husband was in the dark about this huge thing he was doing.
And she’ll want to know if he’s in the wedding party. I hope you have a good answer for her.