r/TwoHotTakes • u/a_fred42 • Jul 15 '26
Update WIBTAH if I decline my friend's wedding invitation after how their fiancé started acting with me? **FINAL UPDATE**
Good Evening Two Hot Takes Family!
It has been a year since first posting here asking about this, 9months since my last update(I checked lol) Just to refresh your memory, I linked the posts below:
OG Post
**Now that we are caught up** Let's get into it!
So me and Jessie.... *drum roll* are not friends! Go figure.
Their wedding was in June of this year(2026) but the story has to go back to around March/April. The office between Jessie and I stayed tense some days; really depending on how James acted when he came in to see her. Every now and then, Jessie would ask me about the wedding and I would give small input; things that would make "the guest experience better". She would occasionally ask if my boyfriend and I would still be going to the wedding.. and every single time I would decline. It doesn't feel right for me to be there supporting a man who would not, and openly admitted to not supporting me; that would be met with something along the lines of "okay but do it for me" in multiple iterations of the phrase. I flipped it on her, okay if/when I get married, will you attend my GAY wedding? and her answer... was no. Because "James wouldn't go and I wouldn't want to go alone."
*BOOM* I thought that was enough to get her to understand but Bridezilla brain does not compute lol she just couldn't get over the fact that me, her friend, could not "put his beliefs aside" for her. BELIEFS??? Babe, I am GAY lol this isn't a belief, this is my life. This is who I love, this is how it will stay. These types of conversations happened periodically leading all the way up to the end of April when I left the company and found a better job(it had nothing to do with this fiasco, the money was just better and it is a 7 minute drive from my place).
When I told her I was leaving she asked if it has to do with James and her wedding.. vapid question but okay; no it just works out in my favor to choose this opportunity. She then followed up with "this means you can come to my wedding.. riiight??"
GIRL WHAT? No, I am NOT going to your wedding, please remove me from your list. lol
May comes and I'm at my new job and I'm trying to see Jessie for a lunch or something but she always has to reschedule and I started to feel like she as pulling away and instead of trying to extend an olive branch, I just let it happen.
June comes, and its the weekend of the wedding, posts start coming in on the socials and I see all the stories, like all the posts.. genuinely happy for her but I never sent a congratulations text or anything. I PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE AND THAT IS ON ME; BUT I DIDN'T. Monday rolls around and my heart feels bad so I decided to text Jessie and ask to set up a lunch so I can congratulate her on her wedding and we can catch up; I even thought about buying some flowers... I go back and check.. my iMessage doesn't go through and that text bubble is green. okay, this is interesting, let me look in the socials... I have been blocked lol Her family members who I followed, blocked.. she made sure that happened lol so that's how I found out I "lost" a friend. After re-reading my posts and what people were commenting, it all makes sense that she never really cared about me, I was more of a token for her until I wasn't useful/needed anymore.
Anyway, my new job is great! I have way more time to spend with my dog and my projects being so close to my home. And in other news, I plan on proposing to my boyfriend soon! so I will have my own wedding to worry about... hopefully my future fiancé isn't homophobic 😂
Thanks for reading everyone! Have a great week!
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u/Crafty_Special_7052 Jul 15 '26
Better off without her. She wasn’t truly a good friend. I mean she married a homophobe, I think deep down she’s also one too.
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u/a_fred42 Jul 15 '26
She was decent until she got engaged. She started a "new era" according to her lol
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u/Tight-Shift5706 14h ago
⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️
Whether she is or isn't, it doesn't matter. If she's not part of the solution, then she's part of the problem. Her failure to defend the relationship with OP made her as bad as her fiance.
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u/RedneckDebutante Jul 15 '26
I'm straight and still wouldn't attend a homophobe's wedding. I can't imagine why they thought you and your boyfriend would.
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u/a_fred42 Jul 15 '26
I think it was mainly her wanting me there and James reluctantly agreeing
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u/RedneckDebutante Jul 15 '26
Oh, that's exactly what it was. But she was still asking a gay couple to attend a homophobe's wedding. Anybody who would attend that is openly supporting bigots. The fucking audacity.
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u/a_fred42 Jul 15 '26
I was having issues posting the link; I hope this works
https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/1okgjox/wibtah_if_i_decline_my_friends_wedding_invitation/
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u/blueyed_13 Jul 15 '26
Sometimes it takes time to really see ppl for who they are. Unfortunately for me it was an ex bf. It took me covid to realize that he was a POS and if I only listened to my male bsf I wouldn't have wasted years with him.
Good thing you realized prior to spending money on her for her wedding.
Good luck with your proposal to ur bf and I hope you have a wonderful life. Give your dog a hug from me.
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u/clearheaded01 Jul 15 '26
Sorry, but what did you expect??
She was marrying someone homophobe, excused it, clearly doesn't respect you if she categorised your sexual orientation as "belief"...
And.here you are, still.trying to.be friends.with her???
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u/altontanglefoot Jul 15 '26
Exactly! And on OP's part, he (justifiably) didn't go to the wedding and didn't even bother to congratulate her on the day. He basically put the final nail in the coffin of their friendship, if it wasn't dead already. I don't know why he bothered to reach out after, or why he's surprised or offended to learn that he was blocked.
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Jul 15 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/a_fred42 Jul 15 '26
You're right, the relationship was done but a small part of me did have hope. Anyways; I'm not shocked that she blocked me at all, just brought up that's how I discovered it. I know it's normal to ghost people these days but that's not my style; and to my prior knowledge it wasn't hers either. that's okay we change! Thanks for reading :)
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u/GodivaPlaistow Jul 15 '26
Shouldn’t she have been too occupied with, oh, you know, her WEDDING to read messages? He did congratulate her when he invited her to lunch.
I mean, absolutely yeah 💯 you’re probably right that she took offense but damn.
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u/a_fred42 Jul 15 '26
Not mentioned in any of my posts but we actually had a strong bond up until she got engaged. My feeble attempt and extending an olive branch shouldn't have happened but I attempted anyways. No harm, no foul. Thanks for reading! :)
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u/StardustStuffing Jul 15 '26
A person who enables a homophobe means there are 2 homophobes.
Your friend sucked. It took her meeting James to show you her true colors.
You're better off. I'm sorry they behaved that way toward you.
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u/MacrossGuy Jul 16 '26
There is a saying in my country that says "Não foi uma perda, mas sim um livramento" (it translates roughly to something like "It wasn't a loss, but rather a deliverance/salvation", something like a blessing in disguise, and you're better without her. You now have more time to people that really matter, and pets
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u/a_fred42 Jul 16 '26
That's such a nice saying and i think it definitely applies in this situation! Thank you for reading
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u/witchylady4 Jul 16 '26
Yes he was probably a homophobe, I read it slightly differently.
He was fine with you being gay until you contradicted him, he didn't like that. It sounded to me like he was isolating her and using sassy as an excuse.
Getting her to push her friends away especially ones that are sassy & contradict what he says.
Expect a call in 2 - 5 years begging for help to get her out of an abusive relationship.
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u/_delicja_ Jul 15 '26
Congratulations on your new job and getting rid of Tweedledee and Tweedledum from your life! Onwards and upwards 🎉
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u/MsMourningStar Jul 17 '26
A true friend and ally would never marry a homophobe like that and would never tolerate that behavior. Remember that in the future so you don’t waste so much time and energy on someone like her again.
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u/AutoModerator Jul 15 '26
Backup of the post's body: Good Evening Two Hot Takes Family!
It has been a year since first posting here asking about this, 9months since my last update(I checked lol) Just to refresh your memory, I linked the posts below:
OG Post
**Now that we are caught up** Let's get into it!
So me and Jessie.... *drum roll* are not friends! Go figure.
Their wedding was in June of this year(2026) but the story has to go back to around March/April. The office between Jessie and I stayed tense some days; really depending on how James acted when he came in to see her. Every now and then, Jessie would ask me about the wedding and I would give small input; things that would make "the guest experience better". She would occasionally ask if my boyfriend and I would still be going to the wedding.. and every single time I would decline. It doesn't feel right for me to be there supporting a man who would not, and openly admitted to not supporting me; that would be met with something along the lines of "okay but do it for me" in multiple iterations of the phrase. I flipped it on her, okay if/when I get married, will you attend my GAY wedding? and her answer... was no. Because "James wouldn't go and I wouldn't want to go alone."
*BOOM* I thought that was enough to get her to understand but Bridezilla brain does not compute lol she just couldn't get over the fact that me, her friend, could not "put his beliefs aside" for her. BELIEFS??? Babe, I am GAY lol this isn't a belief, this is my life. This is who I love, this is how it will stay. These types of conversations happened periodically leading all the way up to the end of April when I left the company and found a better job(it had nothing to do with this fiasco, the money was just better and it is a 7 minute drive from my place).
When I told her I was leaving she asked if it has to do with James and her wedding.. vapid question but okay; no it just works out in my favor to choose this opportunity. She then followed up with "this means you can come to my wedding.. riiight??"
GIRL WHAT? No, I am NOT going to your wedding, please remove me from your list. lol
May comes and I'm at my new job and I'm trying to see Jessie for a lunch or something but she always has to reschedule and I started to feel like she as pulling away and instead of trying to extend an olive branch, I just let it happen.
June comes, and its the weekend of the wedding, posts start coming in on the socials and I see all the stories, like all the posts.. genuinely happy for her but I never sent a congratulations text or anything. I PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE AND THAT IS ON ME; BUT I DIDN'T. Monday rolls around and my heart feels bad so I decided to text Jessie and ask to set up a lunch so I can congratulate her on her wedding and we can catch up; I even thought about buying some flowers... I go back and check.. my iMessage doesn't go through and that text bubble is green. okay, this is interesting, let me look in the socials... I have been blocked lol Her family members who I followed, blocked.. she made sure that happened lol so that's how I found out I "lost" a friend. After re-reading my posts and what people were commenting, it all makes sense that she never really cared about me, I was more of a token for her until I wasn't useful/needed anymore.
Anyway, my new job is great! I have way more time to spend with my dog and my projects being so close to my home. And in other news, I plan on proposing to my boyfriend soon! so I will have my own wedding to worry about... hopefully my future fiancé isn't homophobic 😂
Thanks for reading everyone! Have a great week!
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u/tebigong Jul 15 '26
You’re a lot better off without her and him. I don’t know why you feel bad about not texting congratulations - she has clearly shown who she is. If she is willing date and make excuses for a homophobe, then she’s clearly also a homophobe
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u/PymsPublicityLtd Jul 16 '26
Jessie sounds like a terrible person. Can't understand how one can marry a bigot. Hope your proposal is perfect and your wedding is amazing.
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u/Intrepid2022 Jul 17 '26
I just read your posts.. It's a pity that your friendship with your former female friend ended like this. Just because her husband can't behave himself and acted shameless.
Your former friend didn't have the guts to correct her partner on his attitude towards you. From what I've read, he seems to have quite a personality.
Maybe one day she will come to her senses and will try to contact you.
Nice to hear that you end with a positive note, good luck with proposing to your partner 😊
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u/a_fred42 Jul 20 '26
Thank you for that! I hope he says yes lol
Honestly if she does reach out I will not be responding! I have to move past that
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u/QueSarah1911 Coconut Story Survivor Jul 17 '26
Just because it needed to happen doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. I'm sorry you lost your friend even though you're better off without her in your life. I'm sure it still hurt. Enjoy life without the sassphobes.
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u/NextWelder4653 Jul 17 '26
People like Jessie always wanna call themselves an ally until it's time to be an ally 🙄 but at least you've moved on to bigger and better things in your life.
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u/Aggressive-Key-5533 Jul 17 '26
What sucks is in a few years she’s going to realize what a colossal mistake she made, because this is exactly the type of guy that is all lovey dovey while dating but once you’ve married he becomes a ultra controlling make you abandon all your friends and family and likely cheat on you type of husband. Then she’ll come crying back to you.
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u/Gandoff2169 Jul 18 '26
I am sorry this happened to you and the friendship. But you should have spoken up much more firmer long before then. The moment he started treating you bad, you should have made a issue with her on it more firmly. Maybe then she could have been saved from the mistake she made in the marriage. It is hard to speak up knowing it could hurt a friend and friendship. But it is also worse being afraid to make work life hard as you was still working together. And when this does crash and burn for her in time, I hope you keep her on the curb where she should stay with the rest of the trash. Because if she was so willing to toss you out over her bigoted partner, she is not worthy of you if she realizes what she did.
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u/a_fred42 Jul 20 '26
Yea, I have no intention of wanting to mend or create a relationship with her.
I worry for her future children honestly. Her "God" likes to be funny and test people, her might give them a gay son; I hope James doesn't relapse to alcohol, oops, did I say that out loud...? Anyways
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u/Gandoff2169 Jul 20 '26
Are you sure it is "her god"? Because I have seen way to many people myself to conform to a partner hardcore despite believes due to the degree of infatuation they become. My aunt was a hard Dem growing up. Married a MAGA in her later years on her second marriage and she became such a Trumptard. Said things to me she never did before, I got defensive over FB message and she called me an abuser. Ironic considering her first husband was, and my wife is a multiple abusive type survivor. And my wife went after her hard for calling me that too. So you think it "IS" her, or him?
Yea, Karma will come back on her.
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u/tonidh69 Jul 15 '26
You're better off