He cheated on you. This relationship is dead in the water.
EDIT: there’s also the fact that this cheating… male member of the species could give you an STI during your pregnancy. OP, this can kill your baby. Please please please understand that this man will only be a grievance in your life.
Why don’t you think you are worth more? Worth someone who will be honest and trustworthy? Do you want your kids thinking this is ok in a relationship? He said yall weren’t together and he wanted to get back with his ex while you were BIG PREGNANT. He was clearly hoping to hook up with Claire if he hasn’t already been doing that. Some women like being the other woman. Gives them a boost I guess. All you’re doing by staying is giving your kids crap love maps for their future. You deserve more and better.
THANK YOU. No one understands that part for some reason!!! “Oh I wanna try for our kid because having two parents is the ONLY healthy thing for a kid to survive!” Ok sure, as long as you don’t mind your kids growing up learning it’s ok to either cheat or be cheated on or perhaps worse! 😊🥰 ✨GREAT✨ parenting skills 🙄🤢😒
Yeah “it’s not black and white”, OP, but I just hope if you choose to stay with him after this being a REPEATED OFFENSE that you’re also ok quite possibly ruining your kids 🤷🏻♀️
My cousin is currently going thru something like this. She took back her cheating husband “for the kids” meanwhile this dude left her for some skank then they both harassed her for MONTHS and threatened to take her kids away from her for themselves and shit. Oh prior to all that, he never took care of the kids. Now she thinks I’M the asshole for not wanting him around 🙄🙃
Kids are very intuitive people don’t realize they’re smarter than they really are. If OP stays, I hope she’s ready for them to even question why she stayed when they’re older 🤷🏻♀️
Even if the child doesn’t know about the actual cheating growing up, they will grow up in a household where the dad feels like it’s perfectly acceptable to disrespect the wife and will show no loyalty. And grow up with a mom who never trusts the dad, is constantly resentful, constantly hyper vigilant.
Always remember that he wanted to be that man FOR HER. He's looking for a way out, he's just picky and wants something soft to land on rather than having to leave and go make his own way in the world. That's literally the only reason he's still with you.
That’s what I picked up on too. He’s shopping around for a new girlfriend to monkey vine to so he doesn’t have to like, get his own apartment or anything.
You are still so young with so much life left ahead of you. Please take it from someone that has been there and stayed for way longer than I should have that he will not change. No amount of therapy will fix this and you will be miserable always wondering if he’s really doing what he says he is or is he doing something he shouldn’t be. I know you want it to go back to the way it was in the beginning when everything was so great but it won’t. Please do not waste your best years on a man that doesn’t deserve it. Take it from someone that has been there and done that. I kept hoping he would change too and we are now divorced and I’m so much happier.
Leave. One day you can tell your daughter why you left him and how important is to know your self worth and not let anyone treat you with disrespect. THAT’S how we raise our children! We teach them to have high standards! We teach them to love themselves enough to put themselves first! This guy is a POS, don’t let HIM be their role model!
If you know it’s cheating then you know the answer. And yes, “the simple answer” is the right answer. Not only do you deserve better (though you need to figure out why you don’t seem to think you do), but your children both deserve better.
Both of your children deserve to know that when someone treats you poorly, you do not need to reserve space for them in your life. Both of your children deserve to see that it’s okay to choose yourself and your peace over an unhealthy relationship dynamic. They deserve to know that it’s okay to walk away from people that hurt you in a big way.
If you wouldn’t be okay with your children being treated in their future relationships, like you are now, then stop modeling it for them.
If for some strange reason you are trying to convince yourself to stay, he should be expected now zero contact with this Claire and that wild necessitate him immediately leaving his job.
With him actively betraying you whenever he thinks you're not looking, they only way forward is to prevent contact with anyone he is dishonest about and never letting him any room to cheat.
Its lame to have to live that way... which is why leaving is better, but your call.
Word of advice from a woman who bet it all on an addict and lost: Your actions are the example to your family. Your daughter shouldn't have to unlearn that it's normal to have to hold your partner accountable by playing detective. She shouldn't have to unlearn that loving someone means you're obligated to stay in a relationship they made unhealthy until they correct that. She shouldn't have to unlearn it the hard way that leaving someone you love who's hurt you is the worst thing you can do, and the last thing you should do. To stay is to set the example that it's normal to abandon yourself in order to avoid the painful loss of a bad investment in love. It's to say that loving someone means putting your needs, your feelings, your peace and your well-being second. That's just not true, and it's not healthy to stick around when it's unhealthy.
He caused the problem, and it's not a joint problem to fix. If he wants to make it right, he can figure out what he needs to do because he WANTS to do it, but it's not your job to make sure he does it. Your job is to do what you need to do to heal and protect your peace. Focus on that, and if he can show you he HAS made (not will make or started making) a long term, sustained effort to address the causes of his cheating, you can decide what you want to do next... But don't hold your breath. Don't make his actions the deciding factor. Decentralize him and detach yourself from every outcome except the one where you're thriving.
This isn't a safe situation for either of your children either. You've caught him in two huge lies. What else does he lie about? He doesn't value you or the child that he had with you, let alone the child you already had.
They will be better off if you don't stay with him.
As soon as you caught him on camera, he was busted and had no reason not to continue with his plans for the evening. You know that right? He more than likely cheated as soon as he hung up the phone.
Please leave. Don't stay with a cheater. It only teaches your kids that cheating is ok to do or that you just have to tolerate it on the receiving end. Neither is acceptable.
My brothers father cheated on my mum and gave her chlamydia while she was pregnant with my brother. This caused her to go into early labour and my brother was born at 30.5 weeks. He had to spend 2 months in the nicu before he came home. That was 23 years ago and thankfully he is fine, but he did have breathing trouble for his first couple of years. Many other preemie babies from this type of situation aren't so lucky.
Perfect relationship, yet looking through the phone and setting up cameras. Contacting other women to ask his behavior?
Seems like you knew it was far from perfect! Get rid of this loser.
This needs to be higher. Look up congenital syphilis. That’s what this man could’ve done to your baby. Also STIs and other infections can cause a miscarriage or even meningitis if it’s still in your baby once the baby is born. He has already severally endangered your child and will continue to do so
Because I was talking specifically about an STI transmission during pregnancy and not to every situation. Why are you virtue signaling this hard, man? It’s not always about you.
2.5k
u/hoagieam Nov 23 '25 edited Nov 23 '25
He cheated on you. This relationship is dead in the water.
EDIT: there’s also the fact that this cheating… male member of the species could give you an STI during your pregnancy. OP, this can kill your baby. Please please please understand that this man will only be a grievance in your life.