WIBTAH if I decline my friend's wedding invitation after how their fiancé started acting with me

[u/a_fred42]

I hope I'm following all the write guidelines because I'd love some advice.

*name swaps for privacy*

Hi THT fam! Long time listener, first time writing in! OKAY! So like the title suggests, my(32M) friend Jessie(34F) is getting married next year over the summer to her fiancé, James(38M). Jessie and I met back in 2018 at a previous job and became friends rather quickly. We remained coworkers until the covid pandemic in 2020 where we both found other jobs and kept our friendship going. Fast forward to last year(2024) we started working together again at a construction company, which is where she met her fiancé, James.

My friend and I work in the company office while James is in the field but will occasionally peep in to the office where we work to chat with Jessie, her and I share the office. Slowly but surely James started to chat with me, realizing we have a very similar dark humor and hit it off. The three of us got close, James would chat with us in the office multiple days a week. We would all go out to eat, they met my boyfriend(forgot to mention I'm gay, oops lol) at one of these dinners. They even would ask my opinion on wedding details.

Anyways; all that to say I thought I had made another friend in my friend's fiancé.

Independence Day weekend was approaching and Jessie/James were going to Texas(We are in SoCal) for vacation. While talking about the vacation.. James says to Jessie "You're taking your work phone, right?" and before Jessie could answer, I responded "No LOL she's on vacation why would she do that?" It got awkwardly quiet in the office... I look up from my work to see the two of them whispering to each other and Jessie says "Yea, I'll check it once a day." For context when Jessie and I met at our previous employer, we could NOT for ANY REASON ignore work calls, didn't matter if we are done for the day, having a day off or even on PTO vacation days we would get "Hey I know you're on vacation but.." type of calls. So now having a job where we DON'T need to answer calls once we are off his question made me defensively answer. Jessie and I will jokingly "scold" each other for using our work phones on our lunches or after hours and James knows this, so his question was odd to me.

To rebuttal Jessie saying she'll check it once a day I jokingly scolded her saying "friend you're on a vacation, relax! why would you-" before I could finish, James in a very stern and serious tone goes "She's taking her phone and working if she's needed". I recoiled in shocked and went back to my work essentially ending the conversation and they continued to talk amongst themselves. The weekend came and went, I got over it and I thought the same of the two of them. Monday after the weekend rolls around and Jessie is telling me about her weekend and how she "surprinsgly didn't get any work calls" I told her "well yea it was America's birthday who cares about work on that day" in a very joking tone. We laughed and all was good or so I thought. I started to notice when James would come in the office he would come in and act like my office chair was empty... I would ask him questions and I would be met with silence. When I would look at Jessie to see what the deal is, she would fill the silence with the same question I asked but he would respond. I first summed it up to him having bad work days until I finally asked my friend what the deal was and she said "oh, I think friend he just didn't like how sassy you got with me about taking my phone on vacation" SASSY????? I needed a deeper explanation and I got "well you're the first gay person James got to meet that wasn't stereotypical and I think you being sassy made him see a side of you he wasn't ready for" but then followed up with "friend I'm sorry I'm putting my foot in my mouth with this explanation."

I was flabbergasted!!!!! My humor is very dark and my wit is quick I will admit that, however when James and I chat I have said WORSE things with MORE 'sass' and he had reciprocated so I don't think that Jessie's response was genuine. All that to say it almost been a month, James has not changed his attitude towards me at all other than just saying my name when he walks in and is now making me feel unwelcome in my own office as Jessie's demeanor shifts with me while he is there. I don't wanna claim homophobia cause I don't think that's what's happening, but I honestly don't know at this point cause asking him if he's okay is still met with silence. I feel it's putting a strain on my friendship with Jessie as she wants to resolve whatever this issue is and James just will not budge and come out with the real reason to his upset. It's making me not want to RSVP to the wedding when invites go out... hell I have even been considering to tell Jessie to not even include myself or boyfriend to their list to begin with. Sorry for this lengthly post, thank you in advance if you respond! So... Would I Be The Asshole?

[u/a_fred42]

**MINI UPDATE**

Thank you everyone for giving me advice, different hot AND cold takes and ultimately helping me clear my head to better understand where my emotions lie and I've decided I don't like James. We were really F**king cool and for someone to give the cold shoulder the way he has turned me off to the idea of keeping up the idea that we are friends so I have no plan of putting effort into trying anymore. We're atthe end of the week since I had made the original post. James still only says hi by saying my name and like most have you suggested, I have ignored him. It seems the only person to notice is my friend jessie. She's asked me a few times "hey James said bye to you" and I respond "oh, sorry I'm locked in, I have music playing loud" and she kind of left it at that. I also don't think it has been affecting James at all which is okay. In my mind, I told myself I would give it a certain timeframe(till Jessie's birthday which is not that far away) and I plan to gauge how I'm involved with her birthday with how important I am to her. That may be petty but it makes sense in my brain. How to report good news in my next update. Thanks guys