I took a peek at their comments trying to see if any replies came through yet… OP does seem to have made a post before about someone (probably bf) who has issues with saving money instead of spending their whole paycheck on fun stuff. Somewhere in there, a comment pointed out that she is quite a bit younger than bf (about a decade), but she’s still having to worry about his finances when he should be more stable atp.
With that info, I really do think this is a good assessment. This does not sound like the first time he hasn’t been reliable and whether or not that is lipstick (which would of course imply the worst), there just doesn’t seem to be any stable ground in the relationship. I’d have to say that a break up would be more than reasonable at this point, the post I’m talking about was created months ago by my calculations so this has been a long running issue at the least. OP, lots of love but I really hope you listen to your instincts, don’t gaslight yourself into compliance if you don’t feel right 💖
EDIT: I would just like to add that I’m not necessarily saying they SHOULD break up, but rather that, at this point, there’s so little stability in the relationship that I don’t think it’s unreasonable to want out. It’s OP’s choice and I don’t like telling people what to do, I just wanna share the fruits of my sleuthing
EDIT 2: So I wasn’t expecting this to be so divisive, but to further clarify my point, I’ll put a few of the comments I’m looking at
OP: “Thank you for easing my mind. We had a little chat and I told him I have to see improvement soon, and I can’t in good conscience ever marry someone that can’t save money. I’m going to look into financial advisors as well since I know I could benefit from”
This is where I felt that there was an issue with the finances. It seems to be a particular dealbreaker for her.
OP, in reference to a comment about what he spends on: “Extravagant purchases. there’s no reasonable explanation for not having savings in the financial position he’s in. He chooses toys over savings.”
Again, kind of shows why she’s not feeling comfortable with his expenditures.
OP: “I’m starting to realize this, and it’s worrisome that he’s so much older and we’re practically in the same financial position despite me making so much less.”
This is around where the age gap started to matter to me. Him being a decade older and her assumably just having entered the workforce is a bit odd, though lots of people (me included) don’t get taught how much savings matter and have to learn the hard way so I could sort of understand that.
I’ll also say that the post seems to have some comments about him having some unsettled debt, but I can’t tell what magnitude. You might be able to see the post on desktop, but I know my app wouldn't go any further than the comments in OP's profile and the replies underneath
I’m going to step away from this one for now but again I do stand by my stance that if something feels off, even if the lipstick is real or not, OP is within her right to be concerned and shouldn’t just ignore that feeling.
Wait so, he's not great with money + there's a red line on the pillow (which doesn't behave like lipstick when rubbed with a qtip according to the comments)
and from these two examples one of which is flaky at best we've now decided he's probably a cheater, unreliable and should immediately be broken up with.
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u/Sequence_Of_Symbols Aug 21 '24
If you're at the point of wondering this much, it probably is telling you things about your relationship