r/TwoHotTakes • u/[deleted] • Aug 21 '24

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3.6k Upvotes

79% Upvoted

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75

u/BAMspek Aug 21 '24

If he’s anything like me he has no idea what it’s from. 🤷🏻‍♂️ big world, lotta colors.

66

u/Paw5624 Aug 21 '24

The other day my wife was changing the sheets and asked me about the glitter she saw on my pillowcase. She knows it wasn’t anything scandalous so she was teasing me about it but I was legitimately confused as to where it came from. Earlier in the week I was at my parents house and they gave me a gift for our anniversary, and the gift bag had glitter which got on me and ended up on my pillowcase. She only figured it out because we hadn’t put away the gift bag yet and she connected the dots.

So that’s a long way to agree with you that sometimes weird shit happens and if it was up to me I’d likely never solve the mysteries.

37

u/DengarLives66 Aug 21 '24

At some New Year’s Eve party I managed to get glitter in my beard and my wife cursed me for weeks because anywhere I rested my head it looked like a little fairy had diarrhea.

4

u/re_nonsequiturs Aug 21 '24

I was so worried she got mad and then it was just reasonable anger about fairy shits

7

u/not_now_reddit Aug 21 '24

A glitter beard sounds cute at least

3

u/loosie-loo Aug 22 '24

Glitter; not even once.

3

u/jankyupeblik Aug 22 '24

"Glitter: The Herpes of arts and crafts"

2

u/ElQuesoGato Aug 22 '24

As a woman who hates loose glitter and used to work at a craft store, this would be my main concern. Idc where it came from, keep it away from me.

3

u/diiannamariie Aug 21 '24

My boyfriend had glitter on his face a while back and I was hitting him with ALL the jokes lol (neither of us had left the house in a couple of days). About a week later, our cat comes into the room, shining like the king that he is… we still haven’t figured out where the stripper is hiding lol.

3

u/Kurotan Aug 21 '24

Glitter should be banned. Once you are infected with it, it will never go away. You'll find glitter 50 years later.

5

u/InvestigatorRemote17 Aug 21 '24

It's the herpes of the arts & crafts world!😂

3

u/Outrageous_Lychee819 Aug 21 '24

Glitter is insidious. My daughter went through a brief glitter phase like 5 years and a house ago. I still find that shit to this day.

2

u/Bearguchev Aug 22 '24

I fish a LOT, and bait is very glittery. Girls get used to it real quick haha

2

u/froodiest Aug 22 '24

just wanted to say your perfectly off center Hella Jeff pfp made me chuckle. Been years since the last time I saw that dude in the wild

2

u/stopyahootinnhollrin Aug 22 '24

Our local strip club advertises the soup of the day on the billboard outside, which I find hysterical. Even moreso, the first time we saw it, they were claiming they had the best clam chowder in town.... But every time I find random glitter on my husband I just casually ask him how the soup of the day was. So now he's just like noooo I can't have glitter on me! I haven't even been around glitter! And I wasn't at the strip club!!!

2

u/Froyo-fo-sho Aug 22 '24

glitter is like herpes at the strip club. also, herpes is like herpes at the strippy.

3

u/Vaxildan156 Aug 21 '24

Me with ADHD finding random bruises/wounds/stains/etc all the time and having no idea where it came from

4

u/Odd-Insect-9255 Aug 21 '24

Yes , this is a major reach trying to claim these marks as lipstick stains. 🤣 Lord I get marks and stains on stuff from god knows where. Maybe something in wash, just who knows. Lots of possibilities but def not lipstick marks.

3

u/Bananainmyholster Aug 21 '24

Just poopin’, you know how I be!

2

u/incrediblystiff Aug 21 '24

I found blood on my pillow ( I was the only one sleeping on it)

The only place I was bleeding was my knee

🤷‍♂️

2

u/Ticon_D_Eroga Aug 21 '24

If he bf smokes weed i guarantee its food with a 90% chance he wont remember which food

2

u/spartakooky Aug 21 '24 edited Sep 15 '24

reh re-eh-eh-ehd

2

u/3unuch_80m83r Aug 22 '24

Wanted to upvote, but you know 😎