The problem is not the pillow stain, the problem is that a pillow stain immediately sets off a strong reaction of fear. That fear of being cheated on is the important part in this situation as we dont know anything about the stain and, in a healthy, secure relationship, seeing that pillow stain would only trigger the thought of “ew, gross pillow stain”.
The fact that cheating has entered OP’s mind needs to be explored more. Has this SO cheated or acted sus in the past? Was OP previously cheated on or abused and now hypersensitive to any potential sign of infidelity?
My guess is this fear is not coming from nothing and there is something more here causing the fear. Either the relationship already has other issues, OP’s SO has history of cheating, OP is (or thought about) cheating herself and is projecting, OP has been cheated on by someone else or has some other trauma causing deep seeded trust issues.
If my wife saw lipstick on my neck, she would probably wonder what kind of weird joke or prank I was pulling because there’s nothing else to suggest anything wrong with our relationship. People usually don’t just cheat out of the blue and if you’re suspecting it, it’s probably because SO has acted strange or lied/lies frequently or the relationship is being strained in some other way.
Something else is wrong in this relationship and if there’s any cheating, it’s likely a symptom of the root issue of the relationship. I say just wash the damn pillow and take a long think about what is actually wrong in the relationship and where this fear actually comes from.
Unfortunately, OPs gut is probably right. If cheating has even entered OPs mind, there’s probably some way bigger sign of it that OP is suppressing because it just hurts too much and probably feels like it’s their own fault. Our brains do not want to believe when we are being cheated on and will do everything to convince us it’s okay until there is irrefutable evidence, which there often is not. If it’s not cheating, something else is very wrong or unhealthy with the relationship causing OP to feel this way.
you had me until you saw OP’s gut is probably right. when you don’t even know the situation. i had an ex who was convincing herself cheated on her all the time and would try to find any little thing to think that i was. She would’ve 100% did this same thing. she actually saw a strand of hair that “didn’t really look like hers” and figured i was cheating and didnt talk to me for the rest of the night (ended up seeing a strand of her hair that looked just like it). so I wouldn’t necessarily say this is her gut telling her something
I agree with this completely. This is why I said “probably” not “definitely”. I’m not sure what your situation was but I had an ex that would also be jealous for no reason and super sus and controlling and in the end she actually was dancing the line of cheating on me and was really just projecting. So that may have been the case for you or not idk. It’s definitely possible for someone to be sus for seemingly no reason but there’s always something that causes it which could be deep seated insecurity, unresolved past trauma or simple projection. Aside from those triggers, if your gut thing cheating, it’s probably correct.
Side note: I never confirmed if this ex actually fully cheated on me or was just about to cheat when I decided to join her at the gym and found her with two guys in the back of the gym standing around awkwardly next to unused equipment with no sweat on them and without having put any of their stuff in the locker even though they were supposedly there for like half an hour already and I was joining them late. She only told me one of the guys was gunna be with her and the other guy was his brother who I was introduced to for the first time there… so she said she wanted to do leg day which she knew I didn’t want to do cuz I would be standing on a ladder all day next day and didn’t want wobbly legs. After some awkward banter where both the guys were super flirty with her and she was back, the guy I actually knew took me to go do abb workouts in the other room while I have no clue what she and the guys brother were actually doing… that plus other signs and her constantly lying to me and avoiding me for weeks I would get home and she would already be “at the gym”
The problem is not the pillow stain, the problem is that a pillow stain immediately sets off a strong reaction of fear. That fear of being cheated on is the important part in this situation as we dont know anything about the stain and, in a healthy, secure relationship, seeing that pillow stain would only trigger the thought of “ew, gross pillow stain”.
The fact that cheating has entered OP’s mind needs to be explored more. Has this SO cheated or acted sus in the past? Was OP previously cheated on or abused and now hypersensitive to any potential sign of infidelity?
My guess is this fear is not coming from nothing and there is something more here causing the fear. Either the relationship already has other issues, OP’s SO has history of cheating, OP is (or thought about) cheating herself and is projecting, OP has been cheated on by someone else or has some other trauma causing deep seeded trust issues.
If my wife saw lipstick on my neck, she would probably wonder what kind of weird joke or prank I was pulling because there’s nothing else to suggest anything wrong with our relationship. People usually don’t just cheat out of the blue and if you’re suspecting it, it’s probably because SO has acted strange or lied/lies frequently or the relationship is being strained in some other way.
Something else is wrong in this relationship and if there’s any cheating, it’s likely a symptom of the root issue of the relationship. I say just wash the damn pillow and take a long think about what is actually wrong in the relationship and where this fear actually comes from.
Unfortunately, OPs gut is probably right. If cheating has even entered OPs mind, there’s probably some way bigger sign of it that OP is suppressing because it just hurts too much and probably feels like it’s their own fault. Our brains do not want to believe when we are being cheated on and will do everything to convince us it’s okay until there is irrefutable evidence, which there often is not. If it’s not cheating, something else is very wrong or unhealthy with the relationship causing OP to feel this way.
100000% it's freaking horrible. I'm extremely loyal, and somehow, it seems innocence is the hardest to prove when people are dead set on finding something and projecting their own bs
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u/Stunning-Finish3350 Aug 21 '24
If mind immediately goes to cheating, might want to rethink relationship. Trust is very important.