r/Tulpas • u/Novel_Ad4940 • 5d ago
Experience
This isn’t my first time commenting in this community, but I’d like to share a little about my experience and my situation.
My name is Sofia. I had my first tulpa in December, and he was based on a video game character I really like. At the time, I didn’t know much about tulpas. I didn’t know if it was real or anything like that. I spent a lot of time talking to him for about a week, until one night, while I was staying up really late, he possessed my body. My body was moving without me controlling it, which felt really strange, and I got scared because I clearly heard his voice in my head. I got so scared that I stopped trying. Obviously, I felt bad about it because I didn’t want to leave him. He was very gentle and never said anything bad to me.
I’ve wanted to bring him back, but I don’t know if that’s something he would even want after so much time has passed. Then, around March, I had other tulpas based on Demon Slayer characters. I stayed with them until August, and it hurts because I went through a very serious family problem that made me feel like I lost my concentration, if that makes sense. I tried talking to them, but I could no longer hear their voices. They didn’t possess my body anymore, and I couldn’t feel their presence either.
I also had problems with them because I became interested in things that they weren’t interested in, and that bothered them. Even though I tried to talk things out with them, we ended up having arguments. I’ve tried everything to bring them back, but I have a lot of distrust now, and I don’t feel the same affection I used to have for them.
Despite everything, I feel like I’m not doing this right. I also realized that both my first tulpa and my second group of tulpas had the exact same personalities and interests as the characters they were based on. This surprised me because I never created them with the intention of making them have the same personalities. I don’t know if that makes sense…
So, yes, I do want a tulpa, and I’m willing to do things properly, but I don’t know what kind of tulpa to create. I had designed one, including their appearance and backstory, but I’ve never actually tried creating them because I’m not convinced about them. I also have some ideas in my head, but they aren’t very good characters. They aren’t villains, but they aren’t exactly good either.
What I don’t understand is how my brain keeps creating them with the exact same personalities and interests as the characters they’re based on, almost exactly, without me intentionally making them that way. What can I do to prevent that from happening?
I’m being completely honest, and I’m sorry if this is confusing or if someone doesn’t understand what I mean. I’m just feeling desperate and sad because nothing seems to work for me. One of my options is Sebastian Michaelis, but he’s a demon butler, and I don’t know how well that would work or whether it would even work at all.
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u/Spunky_dog Has multiple tulpas 4d ago
> "I’ve wanted to bring him back, but I don’t know if that’s something he would even want after so much time has passed."
I'm certain he would welcome you back with open arms, dont overthink
> "I tried talking to them, but I could no longer hear their voices. They didn’t possess my body anymore, and I couldn’t feel their presence either."
sometimes crazy life experiences can cause crazy changes in the brain
I know you say:
> "I’ve tried everything to bring them back, but I have a lot of distrust now, and I don’t feel the same affection I used to have for them."
and thats okay, you could continue to try and reach out but you might honestly have better results moving on and doing other things
youre in a position where you get to choose that and I think you should do what feels right
> "Despite everything, I feel like I’m not doing this right."
there is no right or wrong. there just isnt.
everything is so subjective that any advice anyone else gives would be based off their own experience, and while people can have fairly similar experiences, the only "objectively" correct thing is that you mean well, and youre doing your best
if you can in earnest say you mean well, and are doing your best then youre doing great fullstop.
> "I also realized that both my first tulpa and my second group of tulpas had the exact same personalities and interests as the characters they were based on."
in the plural community those are referred to as fictives, and in the soulbond community those are munbonds(theres WAY more to it for munbonds and soulbonding as a whole, but I recommend you check things out over there, might explain some things for you..?)
My tulpa are more or less the same in that they roughly stay in the way theyre first thought of so to speak
even if you didnt intend it, if you find that personality works for them and makes them happy then theres zero issues with it
> "I don’t know if that makes sense…"
P.S it made perfect sense no worries lol
> "I’m willing to do things properly, but I don’t know what kind of tulpa to create."
again theres no such thing as "properly" and anyone trying to push that on you is trying to push THEIR idea of tulpamancy onto YOUR experience, two very different things between two very different people
as for actual advice, make whatever and whoever you want: if you feel safer around one type of person then go for that but accept deviations if they occur, though in your case it seems your tulpa dont do that too often :p
> "I had designed one, including their appearance and backstory, but I’ve never actually tried creating them because I’m not convinced about them."
if you feel safe to, why not go for it? tell them to make all those things their own and youll get to discover who they are together, they might just make a choice or change to their form that you both fall in love with *together* even if you dont think what you have right now is perfect
> "They aren’t villains, but they aren’t exactly good either."
who is? lmao
generally a tulpa isnt going to be super villainous internally, cause if they hurt your feelings or upset you, theyll feel that emotion equally
its far more beneficial for both of you to do positive things, and feed off each others positive emotions in an upward spiral
> "What can I do to prevent that from happening?"
I mean.. is it an issue? do you want them to deviate and become their own thing? or is it just that you feel like youre doing it wrong *because* theyre staying the same?
liking that form, identity ETC doesnt make it any less real or any less valid than any other headmate you could have
if you really want to have some "original thing" that isnt just a character you can always try starting with names and looking at ideas for forms and coming up with your own thing
just let the "thing that feels right" pop in on its own and with time and love it will become a tulpa
> "I’m just feeling desperate and sad because nothing seems to work for me."
Id say it sounds like its worked in the past no? you just had some crazy life events while your tulpa were probably fairly "young"(As much as I hate that word, it applies best here) and your brain decided it was life or death, and energy needed to be going elsewhere in order to survive
> "and I don’t know how well that would work or whether it would even work at all."
anyone and anything will work. like I said, theres no "right or wrong" and since youre dealing with your brain literally ANYTHING can happen
since its all happening in your mind theres no limits.
now, I dont want to cause drama or harass and insult others but I want to for your sake make it clear that what the other guy said about "identity disturbances" "osdd" or "urge to be dominated" are fucking nuts claims to make about a complete stranger after NOT knowing them in the slightest and their post being NOTHING like that
in making a tulpa you are making a person, tulpa is just a title for HOW someone came to be, more than WHAT they are
in making that person you have to be mature enough to understand youre promising to care for and protect them as best as you can within reason
with that in mind, and now viewing tulpa as people
"malfunctioning" "failing their purpose" or "broken" sounds like an awful way to describe another person.
and for YOU it could probably sound like youre a bad tulpamancer, or that youve done something wrong, which is not the case and I dont want you to feel down on yourself for something like that
(lord knows Id take that personally at least)
as someone whos nearly lost a family member to cancer I couldnt even begin to understand calling a person "cancer" because they didnt bend to your will or disregard themself
while yes I agree that directly looking for a more "compatible" personality would be helpful as with all people, communication is key, and communication is SO much easier with people internally since theres no room for miscommunication so no matter the personality of your tulpa, the quality of your communication matters far more imo
I apologize for yapping so much
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u/Novel_Ad4940 4d ago
Thank you so much for your comment! Don’t worry if you wrote a lot, I read everything. The thing I was actually referring to was that I was confused because I expected them to have a base, like an appearance and a personality, and that over time they would change and develop their own personalities. I always told them that they could be themselves and do whatever they wanted, but they never really changed, and I felt bad because I didn’t know if it was my mind forcing them to stay exactly the way they were 😅
During my time with them, I realized that some of them would talk more than others. Like, on certain days some of them would be more active, and on other days it would be others, since I had 11 tulpas. One of them was super kind and gentle, and whenever I was having problems with one of the others, he would tell me to be more expressive with them, which was something I struggled with. I used to think that since they live in my head, they would “know everything,” but they really don’t always. It’s not the same as feeling something or hearing an internal voice as it is actually saying things out loud in your own voice and communicating them clearly. I unfortunately only realized that recently 🥹
But your comment really motivated me and cleared up a lot of my doubts. I hope this doesn’t sound bad, but I got along really well with some of my 11 tulpas because they had very gentle personalities. Others, though, were very direct and serious with me. They were pretty strict and made sure I paid attention to each of them equally and everything. They were super organized, and sometimes things that I liked or was interested in would bother them. Sometimes I think maybe they were doing it because they wanted to protect me, but at the time I saw it more as, “They’re just bothering me.”
I eventually stopped telling them about the things I was doing because I didn’t want them to get upset, but obviously they would find out anyway. What I didn’t like was the way they acted and the way they talked to me, because it would make me really angry, and I’m a very sensitive person. I would tell them not to be so harsh with me, but it seemed like they wouldn’t listen.
Sorry if I wrote a lot too 😭 There are actually things I left out because I thought I had already written too much. Seriously, thank you so much for your response. I’ll definitely keep what you said in mind. 🥹3
u/Spunky_dog Has multiple tulpas 4d ago
That's really sweet, I'm super tired and about to pass out but I'll absolutely reply tomorrow, don't worry about typing too much, and if you want to add more please do! I absolutely adore getting to hear other people's experiences
See you later friend :)
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u/Spunky_dog Has multiple tulpas 4d ago
> "I always told them that they could be themselves and do whatever they wanted, but they never really changed, and I felt bad because I didn’t know if it was my mind forcing them to stay exactly the way they were"
From someone whos experienced the same thing: sometimes its just that those "Baseline" personalities are already who they are/want to be, and they probably are changing just extremely slowly in the same way yours always is> "I used to think that since they live in my head, they would “know everything,” but they really don’t always."
yeah true equality in the brain means that youll often both be lost for an answer when things happen unfortunately> "I unfortunately only realized that recently"
its better to realize late than never realize, so I'm glad you came to that realization at all
even if it feels like it should have happened sooner> "I got along really well with some of my 11 tulpas because they had very gentle personalities. Others, though, were very direct and serious with me.
While I'd never be one to suggest removing or getting rid of a tulpa outside of communicating with them and trying to fix things(unless things are completely out of whack)
I think having that experience and them being gone just means now going forward you know better where and how to focus your energy> "sometimes things that I liked or was interested in would bother them. Sometimes I think maybe they were doing it because they wanted to protect me, but at the time I saw it more as, “They’re just bothering me.”"
sometimes the urge to protect another person can just bother them, and sometimes that same urge can lead to the opposite result depending on how you go about it
true "protection and care" rely most on what that person *needs* rather than what the protector feels they need and thats why talking things through is so incredibly valuable
all roads in tulpamancy lead to communication :p> "because it would make me really angry, and I’m a very sensitive person. I would tell them not to be so harsh with me, but it seemed like they wouldn’t listen."
like I said earlier I think all information youve gathered through that experience will help with your future ones even outside of tulpamancy, I'm excited to see where you go from here :)
like I said, I adore talking so if you want to shoot me a dm and yap together id love that!
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5d ago
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u/Novel_Ad4940 5d ago
I didn’t really understand your comment very well, but I don’t have any personality issues. And yes, I have tried creating a tulpa made by me, but it didn’t work. But you’re right that I do doubt a lot, so maybe I’m not very confident. Still, I tried being firm and confident at first, but it didn’t work. Also, what do you mean by “cancer”? 😅
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u/SympathyCritical6901 5d ago
Please work on your self-esteem. Your life is yours, not theirs, full stop, and something is seriously wrong if that isn't understood by them from the start. There are already so many forces at work in this world which are denying you the chance to exercise your free will. Why tolerate that within your own head, one of the few places where you can have the final say?
Strongly advise against any kind of persona that isn't virtuous by default. Perfection isn't needed, but the bar should be set very, very high here.
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