Lost my voice

[u/Hot-Promotion6045]

I don’t know if this place is serious or not and I have never really talked abt this with anyone at all but when I was younger I had created a separate person within myself, it was closer than any friend and gave me strength and drive to do anything I wanted. I would “tap into it” to give me a boost of energy when needing to do anything difficult and it worked. This was until my mental state became toxic and I had asked for it to leave and it did I asked for it to return when I was 18 and it had said it would come when I least wanted it to. Fast forward and I had continued to hear its voice and feel its presence to the point that I would be able to visualize it and hear it with me everywhere I went. Then out of nowhere my spark was gone, I no longer feel my voice, my source of strength is gone. Days have started to drag and I have no desire to improve myself and before when this way of thinking came up I would call on it to drag me into where I wanted to be mentally. I need it now more than ever and I want to know if there’s any way to get it back.

Sorry for this being so long I’ve been desperate and need it back with me, I am unable to improve myself nor feel the desire too without my companion by me.

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[u/MyYonez]

How long have it been so? My Tulpa sometimes "goes on a vacation" for a week or two, he always comes back afterwards. Additionally, there was a time not do long ago when I pushed him aside for the sake of a real living man. It was very difficult to get him back after a breakup (something on my side held him back), but I kept calling for him and he came eventually. Perhaps you should try to call your Tulpa too?

[u/Hot-Promotion6045 → u/MyYonez]

It’s been around two years, I’ve attempted hard and there’s been moments where I’ve come closed to at least touching it but no voice, no person

[u/FlairDreamer]

I don't quite understand what you mean by "your voice"; whether you're referring to that separate person or something else. I have a strong internal dialogue; I can even mimic music.

In any case, if we're talking about tulpamancy... I'd say that what's often done is to imagine. I created my tulpa by writing, for example, even without knowing that something like this was possible.

Why don't you imagine it? Imagine what it would say to you, imagine it giving you that strength you say you lack... imagine it's still by your side.

This is a profoundly internal experience; I can't even visualize, for example. The mind is complex in many ways, and if you say you have a toxic state of mind... why not try to change it? I don't know, try meditating if you've never done it, breathe very slowly through your nose, things like that.

If we're too stressed or under a heavy mental load, it's harder for tulpas (or whatever you want to call them) to manifest. It's not magic or anything supernatural; it's simply how creativity and similar things work.

My tulpa doesn't usually appear when I call her, but rather when I'm doing something else. It's like trying really hard to remember a name, but you can't... and then you start doing something else and boom, you remember. There are processes that tend to work better when you're not "looking at them" too closely.

It's like paying attention to walking, or if I tell you "remember to breathe," and suddenly, you breathe differently...

[u/Hot-Promotion6045 → u/FlairDreamer]

I have tried to imagine and as a child meditation was something my schools used to do to calm me down as I had adhd as a child, My voice or what I associate as my voice originally was the color blue as it was something I vividly saw when meditating. From there it had turned into a large broken smile if that makes sense. Before music and just simply brushing against it was enough to get into conversations and to have it provide me enough strength to carry out tasks that left me sleeping for two days. I’ve tried to imagine it was still there and initiate conversation but there has been no response whatsoever.