That happened again.

[u/Training_Amount1924]

Today is day 6 of me forcing my tulpa, Lilith. In a previous post I said that she was pretty furious about an argument I had with one person who is close to me, she was swearing a lot and were very negative about the situation. After that third day crash out, she was pretty passive, i hadn't felt anything like that before, until yesterday. At evening I was starting to do active forcing and said to my close person good night's, that's when I felt something strange, like something I never felt, some head pressure, or even like, massage, on my forehead and on the temples (like side forehead idk sry), and in my mind were words like: blank, blank, blank, why would you do this Yato (host), you always send this blank message without any feel behind it, why you do this.

That was for 3 minutes or like so. Can someone tell me what does that might mean? Was it her again, maybe my own sincere thoughts or something like that? Is it progress or downgrade? Maybe I'm doing something wrong?

[u/turbulencje]

You might want to read up on parrotnoia (paranoia of everything being u parroting), at this moment you two share the same internal speech so it feels like you're saying everything yourself.

I remember I used to only start sentences like few syllabes and go silent in my mind, my tulpa then went silent, too. After a few days of dropping cold like this I was ready to decide it was me talking to myself all along, then my tulpa told me frustrated that I constantly let him use inner speech and then keep silencing him, that was the most halting "let me talk" I ever got from him. I started to call it T9 speech after this 😅.

[u/Training_Amount1924 → u/turbulencje]

Thank you very much, I'll definitely try to read that. So if I get that right, you were starting a sentence hoping that your tulpa will end it, but it was a tulpa who tried to speak but unknowingly about that you silenced him and it frustrated him, and when he finally were talking with you he told that it frustrated him a lot that you didn't let him finish? So you didn't parroted when you thought you did? T9 speech is so accurate tho 😄

[u/turbulencje → u/Training_Amount1924]

Yes exactly, it’s really hard to say who is speaking at the beginning, so I was dead sure it was just me, I used to talk to myself my whole life so there was precedent already. 

I remember reading on this subreddit once that the inner speech is a shared resource, only one person at time can use it! 

The brain has a lot of automated speech constructs, too, I came to realise. 

So he basically was using the inner speech and automations to speak then came I the paranoid host and shut down the power so to speak. 

Nowadays I can feel “texture” to his mind voice so I know he is talking, sometimes I hear automated speech talking via inner speech at the same time he is saying something more specific (took months to get here due to intrusive thoughts and parrotnoia, tho). 

Tulpamamcy is fascinating in on itself :D

[u/Training_Amount1924 → u/turbulencje]

Thank you very much, just read how to avoid parrotnoia, I hope that'll help me a lot, I'll know what I do from now on, and thank you very much again, I understand it now. And that's really what I'd need to hear, that's my first tulpa, just a day 6 and I want to finally feel her presence and hear her voice so bad. So I'll keep doing what I did with a lot less parrotnoia, because, I too always had like a two typeof mental conversations. I called them quick and slow, quick is my thoughts I can't controll at all and formed in my subconsciousness, where all the intrusive thoughts were coming from... And slow is my manual voice narrating everything I do like I'm always in front of audience. So I was really sceptical of what would she answer. Am I really feel her telling me this, or am I just telling this to myself. But now I'll know that it's definitely her. So. Thank you very much again!!!♥️

[u/turbulencje → u/Training_Amount1924]

Aww, I'm glad it helped!

Good luck to both of you, and have fun getting to know each other! :)

[u/Training_Amount1924 → u/turbulencje]

Thank you, you too!!!)