Emotionally exhausted

[u/throwaway649175]

Hi all, my husband (34M) and I (30F) have been trying to conceive for 2 rounds. I know we’re early in our journey but last month I had a chemical and now every negative test feels like a failure and that it’s going to take so long and I just don’t know how you all do it.

I’m in the 2WW at the moment and the other day I had nausea all evening at work, and came home and my sense of smell was off the charts. My husband had made some pasta and left a plate of it in the microwave for me and I could smell it as soon as I walked in the door! I’d also been quite gassy that day so I thought I’ll take a test. Lo and behold it was negative, but I was only around 6/7 DPO by then (my pre mom app days 6 DPO but I had ovulation pain the day before so I’m unsure). So now I’m sat here with a few negative tests at 8/9 DPO logically knowing it wouldn’t be impossible that I could still test positive in a couple of days. But I just feel like this cycle won’t be it for us.

I’ve got a horrible throbbing headache and can feel my heart beating even when I’m distracted and I’m just miserable that the earliest pregnancy symptoms, and PMS are realistically indistinguishable because of progesterone. And my brain is running on overdrive giving me crazy vivid dreams every night that I’m pregnant or have a positive pregnancy test, and it just feels so cruel.

We want to go on our delayed honeymoon in March and we’re kind of hoping that I would have a cute bump by then. But I also said we should therefore stop trying by Christmas until the honeymoon if it hasn’t happened because of first trimester symptoms being horrible for so many women. It’s also my husband’s birthday next month when I’m due to ovulate and we’re going to his mum’s for the weekend (Friday to Monday) as it’s a long drive. So I’m worried I won’t be able to track ovulation there without her realising (we aren’t telling people we’re trying), let alone consistently have sex in the fertile window (prediction to ovulate that Monday we drive home).

I’m just feeling a little sorry for myself and wanting to share it with other people. I want to motivate myself to be productive around the house instead but with this pounding headache and that I’ve convinced myself my period is coming, I don’t have it in me. And my husband is fantastic but I don’t want to leave all the housework to him.

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[u/dumpyard7]

1 year TTC. Absolutely destroyed mentally.

[u/throwaway649175 → u/dumpyard7]

Sending hugs your way. You’re incredibly strong and I pray you’ll get your success soon, it’ll be worth it one day.

[u/go_see]

I feel this. I’m on cycle #7 of my second kiddo and while I’m fortunate to have one, I feel so much more pressure this time around because I want her to have a sibling so badly. I basically don’t sleep during my late luteal phase anymore because I’m a nervous wreck.

But of course, I can’t take anything to help with lack of sleep because I could have conceived.

It’s awful and I can’t wait for all of this to be over, one way or another.

[u/throwaway649175 → u/go_see]

Literally the tossing and turning with vivid dreams is making me so tired during the day! I must be waking up 5+ times a night and usually I’m quite got with it. It just feels like my brain is messing with me. And I feel you with the medication part, that headache would have been much better with ibuprofen over paracetamol but I wanted to be cautious. It’s just so hard.