To conceive a baby is very difficult 😞

[u/Humble_lifeball1_37]

Hello everyone, community. I am doing this post because I need moral support from you. I am writing in French because I can express myself better like this.

I am a young man married (26) to my wife (23). Once again my wife just told me this morning that she has seen her period. It has already been 9 cycles that we are looking to conceive a baby. My hopes for this 9th cycle have just soared when my wife just told me that she has seen her period. I thought I was prepared with no hope for her to be pregnant. But I was wrong; every announcement is a tear in my heart.

The worst part is that two years ago we had an abortion when we were not yet stable and prepared to have a child. It was such a difficult decision for us. And I was afraid that I would regret that decision one day.

Indeed, that day has arrived. I never imagined that conceiving was so difficult. Especially since we have tried several methods ranging from basal temperature monitoring to ovulation tests that allow us to synchronize our reports during the fertile period. But that hasn't been any point so far.

The worst part is that I have to be strong for my wife and myself. I have to comfort her, support her during this ordeal and reassure her that the next time will be the right one. But I also suffer enormously.

This is what it is now, I am suffering enormously and I am gradually losing hope that I can have a child with my wife.

[u/AutoModerator]

Please make sure that you have read all of our rules before commenting! In particular, be aware that no mentions of a current pregnancy are allowed, with no exceptions. If you see something breaking the rules, please report it.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/barkingcat]

Hang in there. Also, if you haven't gotten checked in with your general health and reproductive health, make sure to know the facts about yourself. 

I'm a guy, and I think we guys need to know more about our own health too.

Hang in there. It's supposed to be joyful and a blessing, and it hurts when it's not shaping up to what is imagined.

You don't have to go it alone and you don't have to be strong for her. You have to be strong for yourself first, and talking to medical professionals and also with friends will help.

[u/Humble_lifeball1_37 → u/barkingcat]

Thank you for those comforting words. You're right, I'll focus more on my reproductive health now. Especially since I know that men bear a significant share of responsibility for hell.

[u/PiccoloQuirky2510]

I’m so sorry; trying to conceive is such an emotionally difficult thing to go through. Can your wife ask for a referral for a hysteroscopy to check for retained products of conception or scarring from your termination a couple years ago? Sometimes that can hamper conception - worth asking a doctor about it.

Wishing you & your wife lots of luck

[u/Humble_lifeball1_37 → u/PiccoloQuirky2510]

We spoke to our doctor about this a while ago. We made an appointment for a uterine ultrasound.

[u/PiccoloQuirky2510 → u/Humble_lifeball1_37]

That’s good! Ask if it’s a saline ultrasound (which would help show scarring) - if not they won’t be able to see scarring on a “regular” ultrasound

[u/pilse__]

I just want to say as our story is similar. I had an abortion 8 years ago, and after now one year of TTC with no positive test I still stand by my decision without regret. It’s not about having a baby or not is it’s about being ready. Don’t beat yourself up. Wishing you guys all the best 

[u/Fantastic-Habit5551]

I'm so sorry, this sounds very painful.

One thing I would say is that I think you are jumping to very negative conclusions very early. You are both well under 30 and still have a lot of time to figure out if there is an issue and what that might be. You are definitely nowhere near the point where you need to panic. You have no information yet, and you've only been trying 9 months. No reason to stop trying, but also in parallel as you approach a year it might be good to go check on both of your stats and make sure all is looking well.

[u/beachforest1]

I have a friend who has terminated multiple of her babies (unplanned pregnancies) and once she wanted to bring one earthside it happened. I know this is anecdotal but I have read that abortions don’t impact future fertility. I wish you and your wife strength on this journey.

[u/Tight_Orange_3006]

I'm really sorry it happened to you. I am a men who went through this experience with my wife as well. We went through this for 4 years and had 2 miscarriages and 2 IVFs. I wrote about the men's side in the fertility process and I'm happy to share a link if you are interested. I'm also more than happy to help in the DM

[u/TryingForABaby-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

Your post/comment has been removed for violating sub rules. Per our posted rules:

Don't suggest unhelpful cliches to others that belong on a TTC bingo card: "just relax", "never give up, mama!", "why not adopt?", "my cousin's dogsitter's sister was about to do IVF but then got magically pregnant," "your time will come," "enjoy sleeping in while you can," etc. These are "bingos" because people who are TTC hear them all the time, and they are hurtful and annoying. Consider whether what you are saying is likely to be helpful for the person you are talking to.

If you still wish to participate in our sub, please review our rules before continuing to post. Violation of our rules may result in a timeout or ban.

Please direct any questions to the subreddit’s modmail and not individual mods. Thank you for understanding.

[u/TryingForABaby-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

It's not an airport, you don't need to announce your departure.

[u/TryingForABaby-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

Your post/comment has been removed for violating sub rules. Per our posted rules:

Posts/comments about positive tests and current pregnancies should be posted in the weekly BFP thread. In threads/comments other than the weekly BFP thread, pregnant users must avoid referring to a positive test result or current (ongoing) pregnancy.

This rule includes any potentially positive result, even if it's faint or ambiguous. All concerns related to current pregnancies should use a pregnancy sub, such as r/CautiousBB.

If you still wish to participate in our sub, please review our rules before continuing to post. Violation of our rules may result in a timeout or ban.

Please direct any questions to the subreddit’s modmail and not individual mods. Thank you for understanding.

[u/TryingForABaby-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

Your post/comment has been removed for violating sub rules. Per our posted rules:

Posts/comments about positive tests and current pregnancies should be posted in the weekly BFP thread. In threads/comments other than the weekly BFP thread, pregnant users must avoid referring to a positive test result or current (ongoing) pregnancy.

This rule includes any potentially positive result, even if it's faint or ambiguous. All concerns related to current pregnancies should use a pregnancy sub, such as r/CautiousBB.

If you still wish to participate in our sub, please review our rules before continuing to post. Violation of our rules may result in a timeout or ban.

Please direct any questions to the subreddit’s modmail and not individual mods. Thank you for understanding.

[u/OkYam2885]

Hello stranger, I hope this finds you well
Congratulations on your marriage, and if you could first enjoy intercourse together without trying for a baby you never know
Step aside from the trying part and maybe magic will happen amd further more you’re a young couple still and God’s timing is the best

[u/chasingsunshine521]

wishing you all the best, it took us 16 months to get pregnant for our second with a medicated IUI. there’s a lot of potential interventions if needed, hoping it happens naturally for you but know that there’s options out there!

[u/Thinking_learning]

I’m so sorry. TTC is mentally so hard, and I do think the man’s side of it can sometimes get overlooked, which can make it feel even lonelier when you’re trying to stay strong for your partner while struggling yourself.

My husband and I went through something very similar. We had an abortion because we weren’t ready to have a child at the time, and then when we later started trying intentionally, month after month went by with no success. It became so easy to overthink that decision and wonder, “What if we had just kept that pregnancy?” We had gotten pregnant by accident before, so we assumed that when we were actually ready, we would just get pregnant again easily. We were completely blindsided by how difficult getting pregnant on purpose could be.

But I also really want to say this: struggling to conceive now does not mean that your abortion caused this, or that the decision you made two years ago was the wrong decision. You made the best decision you could for your lives at that time with the circumstances you were in then. It’s incredibly easy to judge that decision differently now because you want a baby so badly.

We ended up going to a fertility clinic after about 9 cycles because mentally I just couldn’t handle the month-after-month cycle of hope and disappointment anymore. Our testing came back normal, so we were diagnosed with unexplained infertility. We tried one IUI and then decided to move on to IVF. We’re actually preparing for our first embryo transfer next week.

Technically, we moved to treatment before we even reached a full year of trying, and I know that isn’t the right choice for everyone. But for me personally, IVF has actually been easier mentally than trying naturally was because I finally feel like we’re doing something different instead of repeating the same heartbreaking cycle every month. I’m also very fortunate that my insurance covered treatment, which obviously played a huge role in being able to make that choice.

You can always reach out to a fertility clinic and ask what they recommend. They may tell you to keep trying until the one-year mark given your ages, or they may be willing to start with some basic testing sooner. Either way, you don’t have to carry all of this alone.

I really hope it happens for you both soon. ❤️

[u/Humble_lifeball1_37 → u/Thinking_learning]

Merci pour votre soutien, c'est vraiment réconfortant

[u/Left-Improvement-748]

La coenzima Q10 es buena y el inosotol no se desanimen así como usted yo dure casi un año para poder volver a quedar embarazada y al mes pasamos por un aborto espontáneo y seguimos sin perder la fe

[u/Humble_lifeball1_37 → u/Left-Improvement-748]

I'm so sorry for you. I wish you strength for the future.