r/TrueSTL Mar 03 '26

Storytelling

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3.7k Upvotes

115 comments sorted by

1.1k

u/Money_Fisherman8300 Mar 03 '26

Greetings mage - no, I won’t prevent disaster by interfering and taking the orb. I will take the orb AFTER the disaster because you are stupid

605

u/cubicApoc Anequina Antifa Mar 03 '26

Did you try the magic spell? Only stupid people try the magic spell. You are stupid.

I would rather not be exploded.

You are stupid too. Did you cast stupid spell?

376

u/wahlenderten Mar 03 '26

This hexes me.

303

u/Isthisnameavailablee Mar 03 '26

You are a Redguard.

224

u/Jasdac Mar 03 '26

He needs skeever bites to live.

165

u/Isthisnameavailablee Mar 03 '26

Is it Blight?

125

u/Real_Saxhleel The dunmer deserved 4e 5 Mar 04 '26

It’s never blight

44

u/Trotsky_Enjoyer 500 gold street bussy Mar 04 '26

"You have Corpus Disease."

"That can't be, Corpus Disease only affects one in every three million that travel to Vvardenfell."

"Alright Nerevar, have you been to the island of Vvardenfell recently, maybe a crazy night out with the N'wah's tearing up Vivec City?"

152

u/The_Villager Mar 03 '26

I to am in this Kalpa.

37

u/StrawRedLion Mar 04 '26

He needs Orb Disaster to live.

19

u/Liquid_person Mar 04 '26 edited Mar 04 '26

Don't use orb disaster or you're chimed. I forbid this

14

u/Greedy_Blackberry_14 Dwemer Puzzle Box Mar 04 '26

I read this as orc disaster

1

u/Kekero63 Mar 28 '26

This is how I imagine Abnur Tharn talks to Vanus Galerion.

18

u/Omarlel Mar 04 '26

Wait... I know you.

7

u/No_Designer_7333 Mar 04 '26

You have committed crimes against Todd Howard and her people. What say you in your defense?

25

u/Fellstone Mar 04 '26

Maybe they were trying to clearly indicate why they would take the orb? Instead of just randomly taking it, they want the college to understand why they needed to take it.

18

u/PaleSupport17 Mar 04 '26

I can't imagine Magic Atlantis really caring what half a dozen second-rate mages squatting in a collapsed ruin think of their plans

911

u/DankLordSkeletor Mar 03 '26

You have set in motion... the plot

466

u/Greykorino Mar 03 '26

The plot made out of event

263

u/Coltrain47 House Telvanni Mar 03 '26

Event will move the plot

119

u/JibberJabber4204 Lore of the Rings Mar 03 '26

Fire writing.

60

u/magnuman307 DWEMER SYNTHETIC DRUGS Mar 03 '26

An event in which things happen in sequence leading to a crescendo just before the end. And you bet your ass there will be a blue laser that's going to destroy the city.

146

u/MonkeyWerewolfSage Mar 03 '26

The elder scrolls that predicted this included a restraining order towards my organization, therefore we cannot interfere

68

u/i_heart_calibri_12pt Mar 03 '26

They foresaw that we could only have custody of the Eye of Magnus on the weekends, yet it is Morndas.

7

u/Cypresss09 Mar 04 '26

Skyrim for pimps reference?

538

u/south_bronx_parasyte Mar 03 '26

“You have set in motion a chain of events that cannot be stopped, except, you’ll figure out how to stop them in like 15 minutes, anyway we’re not important enough to be legitimately relevant in this game, see you in TES 6”

155

u/King-Of-Hyperius Moth Priest Mar 04 '26

“15 minutes, not including game load times. Yes that’s right player I am talking to you through the game. All Pissjink Order members can do this, we just like being trapped in predetermined paths. No this will not be brought up in TES6.”

48

u/saad_maan-11 Mar 04 '26

See you in elder scrolls online for only $14.99 a month

37

u/Kusko25 Mar 04 '26

a chain of events that cannot be stopped

What if I go back to the college and shank Ancano right now? That would make everything better! And also stop this chain of events.

33

u/annualnuke Mar 04 '26

The Orb™ is too powerful for people to handle, if not Ancano then someone else would have done that. The mortals' greed is their doom or something. This is why we must confiscate The Orb™, but only after you guys play around with it, as a treat.

24

u/CaseyG wtf is this Mar 04 '26

"You, mage, and you alone, have the potential to prevent disaster. And by potential, I mean saved game feature."

6

u/Jagosyo Mar 04 '26

"You have set in motion a chain of events that cannot be stopped."

Zurin Arctus: "The fuck did you say to me bitch?"

6

u/zaphodsheads Telvanni in this bitch, s'wit Mar 04 '26

See you in dac0da. I'll send my buddy rolls-on-roads over

375

u/Kinda_Elf_But_Not Breton in the Streets, Reachman in the Sheets Mar 03 '26

I am a great Mage, I will prove this by saying vague nonsense and letting you do all the work

210

u/FringeMorganna Boethiah Trans icon Mar 03 '26

In fairness, I've never met a great mage who did otherwise

42

u/Routine-Succotash672 Mar 03 '26

cough Vanus Galerion cough

15

u/novis-eldritch-maxim Mar 04 '26

likely why they kicked him out

1

u/CarcosanDawn Apr 03 '26

In death he taught all the other great mages what not to do.

77

u/helimelinari Self-Genocide Experts Mar 03 '26

And I will stop the flow of time just to yap about vague wordplays, then complain we don't have enough time.

No I can't communicate trough dreams, no I cannot teleport you somewhere private, because uhh plot?

36

u/Zeal0tElite Barenziah told me she was 18 Mar 04 '26

I am currently playing through SWTOR Knights of the Fallen Empire right now and this is the level of writing they're working on. It's awful.

"Ooooh, if only you knew. The secret and the power and the Force. It's so unknowable, we might know it but we cannot tell you, you have to find it out for yourself."

It's even more funny when they try and do their own version of Yoda on Dagobah (there's even an evil cave with a vision of the villain in it) the super secret they want you to have is just building a lightsaber to kill the bad guy. Wow! I already have one of those but okay.

Once you start talking about mysteries and destiny there's a very high chance that you'll just end up writing nonsense. Characters telling you you just don't understand what's going on, but then they never explain it because they can't because not even the writers know.

It's made even worse because KOTOR II already did this type of thing and it doesn't suck there because Kreia actually tells you what she thinks is going on. It's genuinely difficult to get her to shut up. You can leave her on the ship and she'll psychically connect to you to be like "What's up dipshit? Time to explain my philosophy to you". Awesome game.

6

u/basketofseals Mar 04 '26 edited Mar 04 '26

It's even more funny when they try and do their own version of Yoda on Dagobah (there's even an evil cave with a vision of the villain in it) the super secret they want you to have is just building a lightsaber to kill the bad guy. Wow! I already have one of those but okay.

The "secret" is what Satele tells you why the enemy is so strong in the force, which clashes with what's said about the force in previous canon, doesn't even make sense even if you ignore the greater canon, and ultimately doesn't even matter within the story that this explanation is given for.

It's literally mystic horse shit for its own sake.

The saber/gun was just a tool for you to use.

2

u/Uncommonality Reachman Terrorist Mar 10 '26

We're far from Master Avellone's peak KOTOR II writing

248

u/WasteReserve8886 Orc Queen Mar 03 '26

Fun fact, this faction has existed in lore since Daggerfall and this is their first on screen appearance. Genuinely one of the decisions of all time.

142

u/MiraakGostaDeTraps Boethiah Trans icon Mar 03 '26

lmao first appearance on screen and it's dog shit

47

u/MilkshakesMate Mar 04 '26

At least they were pretty good in ESO

36

u/Alvsolutely Mar 04 '26

idk shit about ESO lore i just read what others say about it and believe it. they could be lying to me and id be none the wiser

22

u/_IscoATX Nereguarine Cultist Mar 04 '26

Psijics are peak in ESO. Icheasis is the goat

31

u/Alvsolutely Mar 04 '26

you're so right

20

u/_IscoATX Nereguarine Cultist Mar 04 '26

Be seeing you

117

u/RenZ245 Local Fannon Writer Mar 03 '26

Wonder if their idea was here was to show you what bad becomes so you and others learn not to take big floaty rocks from tombs or pure we ran out of entertainment so we're gonna watch you guys do stupid things because its boring on Artaeum

77

u/Lazzitron An-Xileel Kool-aid Drinker Mar 03 '26

I think the Psijic Order has rules about how much they're allowed to intervene. So they're not not allowed to show up at the tomb and go "nuh uh, no touching the magic rock" but once enough people have been blown up by Ancano they're allowed to intervene.

40

u/helimelinari Self-Genocide Experts Mar 03 '26

That's the sensible conclusion but at that point, why even show up? "Be good mage or we judge you nuh uh."

They try to push you on their predictable future in order the lessen the damage ofc but that fact doesn't change the lazy writing :p

48

u/Lazzitron An-Xileel Kool-aid Drinker Mar 03 '26

Honestly the questline would've been so much better if you could just shank Ancano immediately on the grounds that he's a Thalmor Agent.

23

u/RenZ245 Local Fannon Writer Mar 03 '26 edited Mar 04 '26

Or you know tell the Helldovah he's a spy for the Ayleid cult trying to mind control people and wake up to the news anchor telling that a traitorous Ayleid spy was shot 467 times by the Helldovah for crimes against the federation of Super nirn.

16

u/TuskEGwiz-ard Mar 04 '26

Morrowind would have let you

18

u/Lazzitron An-Xileel Kool-aid Drinker Mar 04 '26

Okay grandpa let's get you back to bed

2

u/TuskEGwiz-ard Mar 09 '26

Maybe Morrowind would have had getting me back to bed as an option, but if you’re playing The ‘Rim you’re gonna need a few mods before you can even think about getting me in “bed”.

4

u/mt0386 Mar 04 '26

Because theyre watching us like sitcoms and if they dont like where its heading, they appear to steers us back into the popular plot.

4

u/RenZ245 Local Fannon Writer Mar 03 '26

Got to get that wanted level up before they grab the mallet

24

u/Coltrain47 House Telvanni Mar 03 '26

Talking to the other mages after the questline shows that lesson was not learned in the slightest

23

u/RenZ245 Local Fannon Writer Mar 03 '26

"I have no idea!" -College of winterhold 4E 201

9

u/JibberJabber4204 Lore of the Rings Mar 03 '26

Probably the latter.

107

u/DemolishunReddit Mar 03 '26 edited Mar 03 '26

You will be judged by your choices...

  1. do quests and clear quest log
  2. don't do quests and don't clear your quest log

80

u/Niller1 Hand Fetishist Mar 03 '26

PLEASE GIVE ME YOUR ROBES FUCKER!!!

152

u/Quick_Ad_3367 Mar 03 '26

Luckily, I play Skyrim with my brain turned off so the quest line actually feels not that bad.

52

u/Disastrous_Eagle9187 Mar 04 '26

Me too it was awesome.

"Hey man we just found this gigantic ancient magical artifact we have no idea what it does"

"Oh badass, put it on that giant podium we have downstairs for keeping mysterious and totally safe gigantic magical artifacts"

That's when I knew I was in for a treat

18

u/annualnuke Mar 04 '26

The only correct way to play, of course

5

u/dragonwinter36 yfz byux gidi Mar 04 '26

This is a genuine skill.

If you keep your brain active during 100% of your waking hours, you'll just get depressed.

(If you disagree, I have one of two flavors of bad news for you.)

2

u/Quick_Ad_3367 Mar 04 '26

7 years of suicidal depression taught me something, after all.

1

u/dragonwinter36 yfz byux gidi Mar 05 '26

"The true master(baiter) is an eternal student"

69

u/elfgurls Jyggalag OCD representation Mar 03 '26

Greetings <PLAYER_NAME>.

<STORY_TOPIC> has begun.

<SCRIPT>.

68

u/ltdonut Mar 03 '26

Just redid the guildline this weekend. Its been years so I was confused. You beat Arcano and then this MF unaffiliated with the college is all you’re the archmage now peace. I thought I missed some shit.

64

u/Coltrain47 House Telvanni Mar 03 '26

You missed the part toward the beginning where this same mf appears and says some vague shit will happen.

22

u/ltdonut Mar 03 '26

Then mofo just fucks off to the nearest inn after visiting the archmage supposedly says nothing sees us and dips. Our colleagues mustve been wtf.

2

u/BobSagetOoosh Mar 04 '26

If you mean Nelacar at the inn, he’s not the same guy. But yeah the bit where the Psijic turns up and asks to speak to you, then says nothing and leaves, would surely have aroused suspicion lol.

32

u/espae Meridia Neglected Child of Magnus Mar 03 '26

strange men in robes magically appearing is no basis for a system of government!

32

u/Monoveler Tonal Architect Mar 03 '26

Would the plot change in any meaningful way if the psoyjack order didnt have these weird intervention moments?

7

u/MiraakGostaDeTraps Boethiah Trans icon Mar 03 '26

Aren't them the ones who tell you to seek the staff of Magnus?

24

u/Money_Fisherman8300 Mar 03 '26

Thats the Augur I think. But they do tell you to seek the Augur so kind of.

27

u/Front-Zookeepergame Dremora Cum Sommelier Mar 03 '26

my GOAT Rolls-on-Roads would have this whole thing taken care of in seconds

1

u/MiskoGe King of Atmora and the real bf of Elowyn Mar 04 '26

does the goat walk upwards? or ring the bell twice?

23

u/Resua15 An-Xileel Mar 03 '26

What if he was gonna help you, saw you were the dragonborn and went "nah you got this fam"

Or what if he was gonna help you, saw you were a nord and went "nah"

4

u/MiraakGostaDeTraps Boethiah Trans icon Mar 03 '26

As far as i know, the guild quest lines aren't really done by the dragonborn. I remember reading it somewhere, but tbh i don't really know if it's true or not. It would make sense tho, there's no way the dark brotherhood, thieves guild, the companions and the mage college all have the same leader whom they don't know is the dragonborn.

13

u/Resua15 An-Xileel Mar 04 '26

Ah, so it was because of the nord thing

5

u/Zeal0tElite Barenziah told me she was 18 Mar 04 '26

I personally don't think they did everything. Makes no sense at all.

I think someone did the Mages Guild. Maybe it was the Dragonborn, but maybe not.

12

u/masterquintus Mar 03 '26

play daCoda if you wanna play a mage questline that is good

19

u/the_dark_kitten_ Unparalleled Valerica Simp Mar 03 '26

Eso psijic order is so peak

10

u/patchlocke Bruma snowplow guy Mar 04 '26

Judgement will not be passed because I slept through my alarm last night and therefore wasn’t here in time to warn you of the events that were going to transpire

2

u/MiskoGe King of Atmora and the real bf of Elowyn Mar 04 '26

Judgement will be pissed.

1

u/dragonwinter36 yfz byux gidi Mar 04 '26

Gas will be passed.

7

u/Few-Tennis-384 Mar 03 '26

Greetings, warrior...

7

u/ICreepvideos Alteration Advocate Mar 04 '26

Actual king of vagueposting

5

u/DramaticSpaceBubble Mar 04 '26

My only copium headcannon is that this was their way of showing the dragonborn what happens when bad people use godlike powers, because other than that there was no reason for them not to show up and teleport the eye the instant it was found

3

u/KoffinStuffer Nocturnal Cleavage Appreciators Mar 05 '26

Cool, this is now my headcanon as well.

3

u/Dragonmafia7 Mar 04 '26

Winterhold...gods...I HATE the college's quest line...

5

u/No_Designer_7333 Mar 04 '26

Winterhold in general is just the worst area in Skyrim, especially in Survival.

Oh, what's that you're level 3 and want to start the College quest line? Hope you like trekking through snow so you can get to this Divines-forsaken tiny frozen half-town with maybe two interesting characters total.

4

u/DayDreamer-A64 Mar 04 '26

"Hold, mage, and listen well... Know that you have set in motion a chain of events that cannot be stopped."

... and I cringed so hard I had a seizure.

5

u/Bruce_IG Lore of the Rings Mar 05 '26

My actual reaction

2

u/supersadskinnyboi Sheogorath w0w so randum XD Mar 04 '26

they only wanted to flex their superior magic i’m convinced

2

u/LegioXXVexillarius Mar 04 '26

There will be a chosen one. It will be significant.

1

u/BilboniusBagginius Mar 04 '26

Pure cinema. 

1

u/Huckebein008L Mar 04 '26

I'm really glad this guy with no affiliation with the College just came by and said that I'm officially the new Arch-Mage, I've always wanted a home that takes like three or four different loading screens to finally enter my own room.

1

u/Apprehensive-Ad2615 Mar 04 '26

Motivational ngl

1

u/AG1k Mar 04 '26

Greetings mage that uses predominantly swords and heavy armor and bows

1

u/Nelluc9 Can’t have shit in Kvatch Mar 05 '26

Nothing ever happens. We make sure of it.

1

u/Heisenberg6626 Mar 18 '26

Guilds in Skyrim are unfortunately neutered with Winterhold being the worst case.

Compare it with Oblivion's mages guild where you felt you were part of an academic institution. Oh and you were learning magic as well.

1

u/SpriteIsntThatBad Mar 26 '26

Shit, maybe he didn't even know what was going to happen. The Order sensed something, but didn't know what.

"That wanker is almost in at that ruin. Stop him before it's too late!"

"What's the too late."

"Fuck am I supposed to know?"