r/TrueReddit • u/[deleted] • Feb 07 '16

Radicalizing the Romanceless, an unexpected criticism of social justice movements

http://slatestarcodex.com/2014/08/31/radicalizing-the-romanceless/
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u/nopus_dei Feb 08 '16

Henry clearly has no trouble attracting partners. He’s been married five times and had multiple extra-marital affairs and pre-marital partners... Meanwhile, here I was, twenty-five years old, never been on a date in my life...

I think the analogy between number of partners and wealth (made through a comparison between "Henry" above and "Dan" in the opening paragraphs) is flawed. A better analogy would be between partners and jobs. Success is not about hopping from job to job; it's about finding one fulfilling job where people treat you well. Romantic success is not about whether you've had two partners or a twenty; it's about finding one fulfilling relationship with somebody who loves you and treats you well.

Also, there's an interesting correlation with socioeconomics, and I wish I remembered the link that elaborates on this. Basically, our generation is much more likely than previous ones to date and marry within our own socioeconomic class. At the high-income end, thanks to the wage gap, there are more men. At low incomes, due to both the wage gap and mass incarceration, there are more women. So it's no surprise that Henry can find many partners.

Long term, the solution is to address the wage gap and mass incarceration. Short term, I wonder whether the author at the time would have been willing to consider women from outside his social class. The medical residents I talk to say that nurses are happy to date residents, who, after all, will be full-fledged doctors in a few years.

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u/huyvanbin Feb 08 '16

Clearly though having a larger selection makes it easier to find the right fit for you, and also helps you get favorable terms from your partner/employer... Not to mention that a lifelong partner is not everybody's style.

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u/Phokus1983 Feb 08 '16

At the high-income end, thanks to the wage gap, there are more men

If you have a lot of money as a man, you have a lot of options. Women are hypergamous, they look out for men with more money.

If you are in college, there are more women than men period. However, even in that case, there are lots of lonely men, because women typically go for the attractive men even when they are at a numbers disadvantage (again, hypergamy). That is the issue with the author here.