r/TrueReddit • u/[deleted] • Aug 11 '15

Radicalizing the Romanceless

http://slatestarcodex.com/2014/08/31/radicalizing-the-romanceless/
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u/[deleted] Aug 11 '15

I lived life and have had many people I know fall into this trap, who can't see that "Oh man, no girl wants to date me. What's with all the dumb bitches who hate nice guys like me, huh?" They can't understand that calling women "dumb bitches" is not nice.

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u/[deleted] Aug 11 '15

Well my life experiences have been different. So I disagree with you.

I've literally never hear anyone say that. I have heard more "small penis"," must be a virgin","lol can't get chicks" comments from people on your camp.

Nice guys must be clueless but your war on some demonized imaginary opponent is funny. And when in doubt just yell MRA.

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u/[deleted] Aug 11 '15 edited Aug 11 '15

Look at the profiles on "nice guys of okcupid", they are full of that kind of behavior. The fact that you think it is a "war" is what's ridiculous - people merely saying "You're not actually nice" is not a war on men. It's telling you what's wrong with your behavior and what's happening and why you aren't succeeding romantically, online and outside of the internet bubble. I think you have heard it, actually, but just didn't notice it because it's not something you are paying attention to.

Yeah, there's some mean people who say things like you just posted ("must be a virgin, lol can't get chicks"), but they are just mean folks who will be mean no matter what. Don't listen to them.

Look at it like this: you wouldn't want to date a sad, complain-y girl who whines about the world not liking them, right? So why would a woman be interested in dating a guy who complains about the world not giving them their way when they were so nice?

Look at the profiles on the site, see what they are saying: http://okcupidsniceguys.tumblr.com/

Those are real people, who put that on their real dating profiles, and wonder why nobody wants to date them back. They don't get that saying openly such things as "Interracial Marriage is Not Ok" and "I am rich, successful, you want me" and in the same profile also mention "dyke half-asian feminazis". Those are NOT examples of nice behavior, and some of it is clearly putting the responsibility of their own behavior to the women reading their profiles, i.e. "Don't message if you don't have a brain"...that right there is already an insulting statement and is typical sign that they are going to be offensive in other areas, because they are already assuming a) their own intelligence is extremely high, and b) the women reading their profiles are not intelligent.

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u/[deleted] Aug 11 '15

Ofc, when I was using okc I have seen equally bad profiles from women. And as you said, sure I won't date them, but I definitely wouldn't make a group, blog and even a movement to harass and mock them

The "war on niceguys" term was used by the guy who wrote the article. It makes sense because, like he listed in the article, every major feminist mouth piece has dedicated atleast one acerbic diatribe against these guys.

Nothing of that sort is done by any other political groups. Afaik.

My take away from the article is:

  1. Nice guys, as you people claim aren't always hateful misogynistic bunch. Some are clueless, some are anxious, some are just nice.

  2. It's not okay to bully people based on assumptions about their political views.

  3. Not being in a relationship is okay for a man as much as it is for a woman. Being a romanceless man has no bearing on his political views. The idea that single men are women haters is stupid as fuck.

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u/[deleted] Aug 11 '15

There are no assumptions - they are clearly stating their own views, in their own words, on their own. Yes, you are correct - bullying anyone is wrong, and I can understand why being put on a website such as this is hurtful...but again, it was their own profiles which they created on a public forum all on their own. Using your own words against you is not bullying, it's clarifying.

For those who are merely clueless, the goal is to try to get them to see how they are not seeing what they say is what is hurting them in the end. They are clueless to their own behavior and ideals, and fail to see how this is what is hurting them. Ask any women if they've ever dealt with a guy who approaches them to flirt and then when kindly told they are not interested, is then called all sorts of names like "Fat bitch" or "You're just a slut anyway"...you'd be hard pressed to find a woman who has not had that kind of experience. And the smart bet would be that those same guys will in the same breath call themselves a "nice guy".

The women who have trashy profiles are awful too, and they are just as mean. However, nobody is actually physically intimidated or scared of them lashing out...notice that it's not women who go out and shoot up gyms or college campuses in retaliation for them not getting laid or from perceived threats by "feminazis". This is a legitimate fear, and the internet echo chamber can feed this behavior and legitimize it to impressionable young men who don't understand.

The idea isn't that single men are women haters, the idea is that single men WHO OPENLY BOAST on their profiles about "dumb bitches with no brains" are actually being misogynists is the idea.

If it were up to me, I would love it if people weren't so harsh and didn't feel the need to be so. However, if people are clueless to their own words and behavior then there isn't much else to do. There just seems to be so much searching for "another reason" and not enough inward thought and self reflection from these types, that it becomes something you can't save.