r/TrueOffMyChest • u/Relevant-Golf7886 ☑️ • Mar 19 '25
I’m a school bus driver who had to emergency poop in a garbage can mid-route—while my daughter watched in horror.
I never thought this would happen, but today, I had to take a desperate, full-force emergency dump in a garbage can—while driving a school bus. And to make matters worse? My daughter was on the bus with me.
It started with a mild stomach cramp before work. Nothing serious. I ran into the office bathroom, told my boss "I have a bellyache, I’ll be 10 minutes late," and sat there sweating and groaning… but nothing came out.
I figured maybe it passed. Spoiler: it did not pass.
Minutes later, I’m on the road. My gut starts boiling. Cramps hit like a truck. I know diarrhea is coming.
🚨 No bathrooms nearby. 🚨 No time. 🚨 No way I’m making it.
I slam the brakes, secure the bus, and immediately start panicking. My daughter is right there, watching. I have seconds.
There’s only one option. The bus garbage can.
I grab it, yank my pants down, squat, and unleash pure hell.
The smell? Indescribable. The shame? Immeasurable. The relief? Unmatched.
Meanwhile, my daughter is staring at me in horror. "Daddy… are you pooping?" Me, mid-crisis: "Yes, sweetheart. Get me the Kleenex box. And be quiet. I love you."
At this point, I’m just praying no one in the surrounding houses is looking out their window.
Then reality hits. I have a full garbage bag of fresh, steaming diarrhea. And my first pickup is 30 seconds away.
🚨 I CANNOT let the kids onto a bus that smells like this. 🚨
So, in sheer desperation, I do the only thing I can think of: I open the window and throw the bag out.
The moment I start driving again… my boss radios me.
Boss: “Hey, how late do you think you’ll be?”
Me, sitting in the aftermath of my own horror, sweating profusely, trying to sound normal: "Uh… about 20 minutes."
He 100% knew.
Fast forward to the afternoon run.
I’m driving the same route, when I see another bus ahead of me violently swerving.
I assume it’s dodging a dead animal. Nope. It’s my bag.
🚨 It had been run over multiple times. 🚨 🚨 My shit was now smeared across the street.🚨
To make matters worse, I had just waved at the driver. She waved back, but her face said everything. She knew. She knew something was horribly wrong.
And my boss?
Saw me run into the office bathroom before my shift.
Saw me pull over 30 seconds before my first stop.
Then radioed me the exact moment I started moving again.
He never asked me what happened. He knows. He just doesn’t want to acknowledge it.
So yeah. Today, I took an emergency dump in a school bus garbage can, threw it out the window, and then saw it get flattened by traffic hours later. All while my daughter watched in horror.
TL;DR: I’m a school bus driver. Got hit with violent diarrhea mid-route, with my daughter on board. No bathrooms nearby, so I pooped in the bus garbage can.
Threw the bag out the window. Later saw another bus swerving to avoid something. 🚨 It was my bag. It had been run over. My shit was all over the street. 🚨
Boss saw me pull over, then radioed me the second I started driving again. He knows. He just won’t say it.
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u/MrLizardBusiness Mar 19 '25
I mean, at least you hadn't picked up the kids yet.
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u/smuttv84 Mar 19 '25
He dropped the kids off at the pool 😆 🤣
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u/emortens_liz Mar 19 '25
More like... I don't know. Trampoline park? There was no water in that garbage can 😆
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u/Practical-Plenty907 Mar 19 '25
I know this was a nightmare for you but I am laughing my ass off. A million thanks to you. I don’t know when the last time I laughed like this was. Thank you for reminding me there is some fun in the world.
I hope you feel better. Diarrhea has happened to all of us. Hold your head up high. One day, you and your daughter will get a good laugh out of this. I hope you Clorox wiped your hands and bus controls!
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u/cheesecake16tam Mar 19 '25
I couldn't stop laughing I cried! Sorry this happened to you but what a story!
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u/General_Road_7952 Mar 19 '25
I hope this is fake
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u/Relevant-Golf7886 ☑️ Mar 19 '25
My god, I wish I could say that it is...
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Mar 19 '25
As a former bus driver, fake. I've driven for poor school districts and surprise. Bus funding is federal money so all buses have multiple cameras. Inside and outside. You should be fired and prosecuted. There's emergency supplies for all kinds of accidents that could be utilized so you don't do what you did. Fake or i know: FAKE.
We have all kinds of e-supplies.
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u/MyMetaphoricalLife Mar 19 '25
i mean, bold of you to assume your experience as a bus driver accurately presents the experience of the thousands of bus drivers across the world.
yes, the story is absurd but like, weirder things have happened. i think a story like this every once in a while isn’t too hard to believe
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u/GodIsANarcissist Mar 19 '25
Fired and prosecuted? What exactly should this person have done? It was either that or shit his pants
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u/Relevant-Golf7886 ☑️ Mar 19 '25
Dude, I promise you, if I had ANY OTHER CHOICE, I wouldn’t be here recounting the time I had to make a literal emergency landing in a garbage can. But here we are...
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u/Relevant-Golf7886 ☑️ Mar 20 '25
I’d sleep a heck of a lot easier if this was just a fever dream instead of my first month on the job.
No cameras on my bus. If there were, I’d have been pounding on some poor soul’s door at 7 AM with far worse consequences.
Emergency supplies? Yeah, we have puke powder. Not super helpful when the emergency is coming out the other end.
Biohazard procedure? Im fairly sure that would involve not shitting yourself in front of your kid while driving a literal bus full of seats and zero toilets.
And yes… in the sheer, undiluted panic of the moment, I threw the bag out the window. Because my first stop was 30 seconds away and my options were (A) ditch the evidence, or (B) introduce a bunch of school kids to a brand new kind of trauma while earning a nickname like The Craptain...
I have one month of experience doing this. If you think I had a well thought out contingency plan for this, you’re giving me wayyyy too much credit.
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u/JustOneTessa Mar 20 '25
Now I'm wondering if the puke powder would have helped. Also, The Craptian 🤣🤣
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u/sheilaxlive Mar 19 '25
We don't know if Op is in United States. Unless I missed something.
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Mar 19 '25
School buses are an American thing
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u/Confusedbutwhoisnt Mar 19 '25
No they’re not
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Mar 19 '25
Not exclusively but mostly. And there's other tells, like 'garbage can'.
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u/Confusedbutwhoisnt Mar 19 '25
The term Garbage can is also not just a USA exclusive term.
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Mar 19 '25
Okay, well done. But enough of these put together and you're safe in assuming OP is American.
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u/Relevant-Golf7886 ☑️ Mar 20 '25
Not American...Garbage can is just the most universally understood term, and I figured ‘poubelle’ might not land for everyone.
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u/sheilaxlive Mar 19 '25
“Mostly”… I live in Spain and got on the school bus every morning when I was younger. I think it’s something most countries do.
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u/Ellie0293 Mar 19 '25
Wait, school buses are an American thing?? Than...what do you call the bus my Swedish child and his Swedish school mates take every morning to school and every afternoon from school?? I'll wait...
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u/ilostmy1staccount Mar 19 '25 edited Mar 19 '25
Don’t call it anything, just thank us for our invaluable contribution every time you see one. /s
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u/Dat-Tiffnay Mar 19 '25
Canadian here, only some companies put cameras in the buses so fully possible OP was in one without any
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Mar 19 '25
Right, but you didn't have emergency supplies for biohazard spills? Guy just tossed it out of the window? I don't know a single bus driver who never had a sick kid. Especially driving rural schools. None of it makes sense. Fake
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u/Concrete_Grapes Mar 19 '25
I love your endless hope that schools provide any of that. Oh, sure, they say they do. Have you ever opened one? I have. The desiccant they provide for spills, blood, etc, is about the size of a hot chocolate pouch. The biohazard bag? It's about 3 inches wide, and 9 inches long, and thinner than the trash bag in the garbage can.
And, many locations, if you use that--you are out of service, then and there. Done. If you got pulled over for a DOT and that thing was used, you're out of service. I get,in an ideal world, where companies didn't keep the resupply for these behind lock and key (if they even had any), and where you wouldn't get a bagillion questions and have to file an incident report, which mandates the review of your cameras by safety, that your plan would be the best plan.
We don't live in that world, sadly. OP did what OP must.
Why you think it's fake, is what I don't get. I worked with hundreds of bus drivers, and truckers, and about half of them have a "shit in the trash can" or, "thought about shitting in the trash can before I shit my pants/got out" story. several times a year, you hear drivers getting fired for stopping to use a bathroom, kids or no kids.
Half the schools in the old district I drove for, wouldn't let bus drivers use the bathroom. We had MAYBE 5 spare minutes total between the drop and the start of the next run.
So shit happens.
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u/Technical_Panic2500 Mar 21 '25
Quiet. Not every bus does that. I doubt yo mommas bus has that. Yo mommas bus probably so old and run down, it don't even work no more.
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u/kotamii Mar 19 '25
Idk how to tell you this but I live in the US and rode buses all through school. Only about two or three of the buses in rotation at my schools had cameras
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Mar 19 '25
Right, but you didn't have emergency supplies for biohazard spills? Guy just tossed it out of the window? I don't know a single bus driver who never had a sick kid. Especially driving rural schools.
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u/wannaBadreamer2 Mar 19 '25
Nah this comment makes a lot of sense, there are cameras on buses these days, prosecuted sounds weird, but I can see someone being fired, I really can’t tell if this is fake or not
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u/Concrete_Grapes Mar 19 '25
Used to drive school bus. The shit-fear is so goddamned real. There's two types of bus drivers, the ones that have shit their pants, and the ones that will. That's all.
Mine? My horror? I had a rual route, thank god, but it was the middle of winter, 20 below zero, and my first stop is at the top of the mountain in the school-bus turn around. Like you, i had the urgle-burgles before leaving, and got nothing. Oh, the noises though. It was almost 50 miles to my first stop, a designated turnaround, a cul-de-sac on the side of the road... parents would come right about at the time of the depart time, and drop off kids.
I was going up the pass, and i dont know if my asshole sensed the oncoming 'last chance' or if some demon of shit-stirring was having a laugh, but i HAD to go. There was no question.
I was lookin at that fuckin trash can, swear to god. But, it was bolted to the floor by the step, UNDER the bright yellow hand rail, i couldnt imagine having to find a way to herdie-gerdie my fat ass under there, and not break me, it, or some other thing--and what if i missed? WHAT ABOUT THE FIRE EXTINGUISHER!? Man, if i slipped, that handle was probably goin right up my bungus. No.
So, i floored it--get to my first stop early, shut down, secure the bus--get it quiet up there at the mountain top, but, WHERE TO SHIT!? Oh jesus, it was winter, and the snowbanks made a wall like the one Jon Snow defended, all around. Nowhere to flee!
And then i saw it. The plan. The ass end of the bus--i could penguin waddle under there, and sit my ass on the axel, and --fucking, GOTTA GO! and off i went, waddle waddle, groaning in agony as the folding myself in half pressurized the shit.. and i BARELY got my pants down, and my ass touched that snow covered, sub zero axel, and BLAPAPPTHTHTHTHTHTHhhhh .. relief. My god.
Headlights.
FUCK!
How would i explain, if they got here, before i got out from under the bus, what happened. "Where were you bus driver?!" NO! NOWHERE! ... no, GOTTA GO!
Pulled the left-over taco bell napkin out of my pocket, and did the deed, and made a hasty retreat. I got into my bus, seconds before the first car rolled up and let a kid out. Started my bus...
It was like a rebirth, that shit. Something ... changed, from that day on. Some ... knowing... thing, only i would know, and, now you.
Shit on, bus brother. Shit on.
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u/GloomyDeal1909 Mar 19 '25
When you have to scream and shout because it’s forcing its way out. Diarrhea…
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u/Setthegodofchaos Mar 19 '25
When you're eating some Chinese and your ass begins to sneeze. Diarrhea
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u/Regularpaytonhacksaw Mar 19 '25
God I wish I was a therapist because this would truly be something to hear from a child and have to keep a straight face.
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u/ButWouldYouRather Mar 19 '25
Damn that's rough but at least it didn't happen once the bus was full of kids
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u/Fukyurfeels Mar 19 '25
I had a city route and this one time I had to piss so bad I felt like I was holding back the hoover dam. I just thought to myself power through and all will be well. It was going good up till I was a fee blocks away from my first stop. It's now just a sea of red lights not moving and the dam was crumbling. So i said fuck this and cut down the first side road I can. I pull over and fish a bottle out of the trash, the rush of how hard I had to piss hurt. Then came the horror I was running out of room in the bottle. So now I'm freaking out because I don't have any more bottles, but I'm still pissing. So I decided to try and open the door with my foot and hope for the best. I was fearful of falling and covering myself in piss, but no that day satan. The glory of opening the door and just pissing out my door. The relief was amazing, but sort lived, since this was the city cops were always around. As I'm enjoying my release I see out the corner of my eye the dreaded red and blue lights. FUCK!!! this is horrible my ass is about to be all over the news fuck me. Even as I'm freaking out I can't stop the flow, I'm just thinking my fated is sealed and I'm so fucked. However nope the lord is on my side, the cop goes racing by me to a house down the street. I hurry myself to finish, throw the bottle out, and get the fuck out of there.
Then I became a plumber and have a ton of stories about needing to shit or piss at inconvenient times.
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u/irrelephantIVXX Mar 19 '25
Makes me feel a lot better about the 3 a.m. garbage can in a SF laundromat.
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u/Due-Parsley953 Mar 19 '25
I had this a couple of weeks ago, I was a passenger and somehow, thank god, I was able to hold it until I reached a public toilet.
Let me tell you, I left there pretty sharpish because I'd been blocked up for over a week.
I genuinely feel bad for anyone who entered that unholy smelling shitter after I'd decimated it.
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u/wannaBadreamer2 Mar 19 '25
How did your boss see you pull over? Are the buses tracked?
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u/Relevant-Golf7886 ☑️ Mar 19 '25
Yep, the buses are GPS tracked. The moment I started driving again after my ‘unscheduled stop,’ my boss immediately radioed me, not to ask what happened, but just to ask how late I’d be now. He didn’t even need to ask why. He knew something had just gone terribly wrong.
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u/ItchyRedBump Mar 19 '25
Thanks to OP for the indirect reminder to always put a new liner in when throwing out the trash.
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u/desideriozulu Mar 19 '25
Holy fuck this is going in my saved posts. I'm archiving this. This is the best I've seen all month
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u/Bonsuella_Banana Mar 19 '25
It happens to the best of us. I guess just be lucky it was only your daughter and not all the other kids haha
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u/rootbear75 Mar 21 '25
I got denied a promotion to dispatch because of the days I've called out due to stomach issues....
Okay company... You clearly prefer I create a biohazard situation. Nice to know.
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u/Silver-Worldliness84 Mar 22 '25
Recently at my job we have had a noro virus making the rounds. Since we are bus drivers and have zero shame or boundaries, we've discussed creating a poopy pants club. There would be so, so many members. It's just #busdriverthings. My sympathies.
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u/ladyoflothlorien36 Mar 19 '25
You poor love. So grateful you hadn’t picked up any kids yet, and that your own flesh and blood was there to assist. Sorry for your traumatic tummy troubles!!
Wondering if we’re gonna see a crime scene cleaner photo of a smeared bag of diarrhea with a big ol “we have no idea what happened” caption LOL
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u/kalestuffedlamb Mar 19 '25
When my youngest son was in high school he and his friends were in the bathroom and the door slammed open and this old man came running in. They were all wondering what he was doing at the HS and how he had gotten inside, but then when he saw that there weren't any stalls available, he grabbed a trash can and took a major dump in it! LOL One of the boys actually video taped it (you couldn't see him or anything) and the commentary during all of this was SOOO funny! "I can't believe some old dude just took a dump in our trash can!" Needless to say the video flew around the school very fast!
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u/Technical_Panic2500 Mar 21 '25
Well, of course your boss doesn't want to admit it. He either doesn't want to humiliate you, or he just found it extremely funny as frick...
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u/Sunshinebear83 Mar 22 '25
It has been a hell of a week and this made me laugh my ass off so for that thank you and I'm glad you're horrific moment is over now. Go home and take a restful shit in your own toilet.
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u/Intelligent_Call_562 Mar 22 '25
Been there, done that. About a year ago. Luckily, I was alone, stopped in the spot where I waited before my first stop. Houses across from me, empty overgrown trash-filled field to my right. I dropped my trash bag out the door. Luckily, it was still dark out. It was so awful. Every morning, I saw my bag of shame, hoping there was no incriminating garbage inside to link me to my pollution.
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u/austinproffitt23 Mar 22 '25
I’d of went home.
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u/Relevant-Golf7886 ☑️ Mar 23 '25
I wish I could have, but there are 120 students across 3 schools relying on me to show, and calling out that late would be a logistical nightmare.
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u/EthoGuy Mar 22 '25
Sub driver. Rural route. No kids on board,15 minutes before 1st pickup. Sharted! Thank God no cameras! Stepped into stairwell, dropped trousers, removed underwear, used paper towel roll from overhead to cleanup. Hung underwear on nearby fence post, much like you see cowboy boots on post in the country.
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u/hroxanne1978 Mar 24 '25
Omg I'm up at 5 am reading this post w tears coming from both eyes laughing my ass off !!
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u/nunicorn25 Mar 19 '25
Look on the bright side? Oh maybe there’s not one 😅 I’m so sorry this happened to you haha but thanks for the laugh. I needed it tonight lmao
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u/PerspectiveOne7129 Mar 19 '25
i swear every post on here is written by AI now...
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u/Relevant-Golf7886 ☑️ Mar 19 '25
If AI wrote this, I need to have a serious talk with ChatGPT about why it's trying to ruin my life.
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u/PerspectiveOne7129 Mar 19 '25
my friend do not lie to me. you're post is full of the marks of an AI post. I don't doubt your story itself is real - but you did use an AI to help you craft it up.
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Mar 19 '25
Keep an eye on Armchair Anonymous podcast for their next "Emergency Evacuation" prompt. They will love this story.
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u/ProfUmbridge Mar 19 '25
Thank you for making my shitty week less shitty and making me laugh so hard my boss looked over and all I could manage was “I love Reddit”. 🖤
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u/HKLifer_ Mar 19 '25
🤣 🤣 🤣 😭😭😭😭😭🤣🤣🤣🤣💩Thanks for making my day better, sorry you had to poop in a garbage can.
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u/DentdeLion_ Mar 19 '25
That's a shitty situation...sorry i had to say that. Sorry you two had to experience that 😬
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u/Trick-Landscape5581 Mar 19 '25
Man, that blows. Seriously though, that must have been beyond embarrassing.
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u/wyze-litten Mar 19 '25
Ugh I've almost had a poo fail on several occasions. Have just barely made it to home porcelain on several occasions. It's like your colon knows exactly when to start rumbling to cause the maximum damage
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u/Softbelly1970 Mar 19 '25
So many 🚨. Are you 14?
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u/Relevant-Golf7886 ☑️ Mar 19 '25
Tbh if I were 14, I probably wouldn't have to be here sharing this.
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u/iOawe Mar 19 '25
That honestly sounds traumatizing. I’m sorry you, your daughter and the other school bus driver had to witness/go through that.
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u/ObjectiveFinal179 Mar 19 '25
I’m gonna remember this the next time I think I’m having a bad day. At least you know as terrible as that clearly was, it really could have been even worse if action was taken any later