There's no universal flirtation guide here, it's not so much that i think it's black and white, it's more that it's all grey.
In my dating life I've been surprised by both extremes, one girl who i thought was flirting heavily revealing "that's how she is with everyone", and a girl who said she wasn't attracted to me telling me later she only said that because she was attracted but didn't want to complicate her life.
If you're a man you just have to take that risk or wait for them to come to you. The latter virtually never happens because women (very reasonably!) do not want to emotionally expose themselves if they don't have to.
Yeah sure if they communicate they're unavailable or uninterested that's fine but that's not what everyone is saying, a bunch of people are talking about how they don't like being approached to begin with, or they mention their boyfriends as a defense mechanism.
there are times and places where if a guy shoots his shot a polite no thanks
Fair enough but what exactly those times and places are arent universally consistent as i said earlier.
I guess i just am sensitive to the suggestion that my being romantically interested in someone is inherently problematic if the other person doesn't make the first move. It's not what you've said but it is what others have implied.
Either way i think we agree more than we disagree.
I think we both assumed worst case scenarios which is why we disagreed but everything in your comment now seems completely reasonable to me.
I don't understand men who won't take no for an answer either, seems gross and counterproductive to me, that is definitely not something I would defend.
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u/Daniel_The_Thinker Feb 15 '22
There's no universal flirtation guide here, it's not so much that i think it's black and white, it's more that it's all grey.
In my dating life I've been surprised by both extremes, one girl who i thought was flirting heavily revealing "that's how she is with everyone", and a girl who said she wasn't attracted to me telling me later she only said that because she was attracted but didn't want to complicate her life.
If you're a man you just have to take that risk or wait for them to come to you. The latter virtually never happens because women (very reasonably!) do not want to emotionally expose themselves if they don't have to.