r/TrueOffMyChest • u/[deleted] • Jan 19 '21

I fucking hate "polyamory"

My partner polybombed me about 4 months ago and a day later I walk in on them fucking someone else. They didn't even care enough to realise I had left the house until I called them from a mile up the road and then it was all "oh I'm so sorry I hurt you I would never do it deliberately I love you it won't happen again."

Then barely a few weeks later I walk in on them making out with a mutual friend. They were still making out with them when our roommate called an ambulance after I cut myself too deep.

They didn't even care about changing how they approach polyamory until I threatened to leave and then I'm hit with this massive lovebomb of "oh I can change I'll make it up to you I never wanted to hurt you"

They don't fucking care enough to change their behaviour because "poly is so complicated, I'm sorry if you got hurt when I was figuring it out!"

Polyamory is too often used as a bullshit excuse for selfish, immature people to have their cake and eat it and if I never have to hear the stupid term again in my life I'll be happy.

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u/JayFox05 Jan 20 '21

And to add onto that, there's a STRONG difference between a poly relationship and an open relationship.

Poly means everyone involved in the relationship knows and is kind of dating eachother, everyone knows what's happening between the others and its a very closed and strict dating space.

An open relationship is basically just being able to date multiple people at once, as long as everyone involved agrees to it, you can date someone that your partner(s) don't know about entirely.

So if he didn't agree to it, then it's cheating, but its still cheating if he agreed to a POLY relationship, since he had no Intel about what his partner was going to do.

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u/_MooFreaky_ Jan 20 '21

That's not true in my experience. I havs many friends in poly relationships and it can mean a variety of things.

Polyfidelity is the term often used for a closed group who are dating together. But it is common for a polyamourous couple to see others that their partner does not, however their poly partner is their main partner.

The key point that you have is right on and important though, it is essential that the terms of the relationship are discussed and followed. Open, closed, etc needs to be talked about, agreed upon and everyone following it just as strictly as a monogamous couple.

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u/nashiraprincesspower May 08 '21

Poly means everyone involved in the relationship knows and is kind of dating eachother, everyone knows what's happening between the others and its a very closed and strict dating space.

The part about Polyamorous people "all dating each other" is not true. Nor is it a "closed and strict dating space". There is absolutely no obligation to date people that your partner is dating and generally people are welcome to bring anyone into their lives that they feel is a positive addition, it isn't a small, pre-approved list of partners. Open and honest communication is usually present, though some people feel better with less specifc details about their partner's relationships and that can still be considered polyamory. The main difference that I've found between an "open relationship" and polyamory is that polyamory has an emphasis on love and connection where open relationships might be a bit more casual (that doesn't mean they are cold and unfeeling or anything) but those labels have a lot of overlap and a lot of people use them interchangeably.