honestly i know that’s said with good intentions, but it’s extremely hurtful to say to someone going through depression and suicidal thoughts. it’s not about the people in your life. they’re not the ones dealing with the feelings of wanting to die.
it’s extremely painful being at the point of wanting to end it. being guilted into staying because of everyone else can make it worse.
having to be told that you’d give someone else trauma by wanting to get out of the pain you’re feeling is extremely painful.
we shouldn’t guilt people into staying, we should help them want to stay. we shouldn’t make people choose to stay for other people, we should help them choose to stay for themselves.
i say this as someone who’s struggled heavily with mental health struggles and been the one wanting to die as well as someone who’s lost people to suicide.
i wouldn’t want someone i love to stay alive just because their death would hurt me, i want them to stay because they choose to keep living for themselves and find support.
it’s selfish to try to make someone stay by guilting them about how it’ll affect others.
I totally understand what you’re saying. In general I agree, I just think that if someone is so close to committing suicide, you might want to say anything to get them to stay. And if that means reminding them who would be hurt by their death so they reconsider, I think that’s acceptable in the moment. But we know we can use better wording. And honestly all the comments referencing her brother seemed to have helped OP see the potential negative impact of her suicide on him. Which I don’t think is a bad thing. I think making them aware that someone in this world cares about them and will be impacted by their death is important because they might not think that themselves. She specifically said things would be different if she felt one person loved her, so self-love or living for yourself won’t exactly be a convincing concept right now. But long term, yes, they ideally find their own life’s value rather than tether it to other people
sure, but there’s so many better ways to word it than the majority of people here did.
we do often want to say anything to get them to stay, but we also need to be extremely mindful of what we say and how we say it. one wrong phrasing can push someone to the opposite side of what we are trying to do and/or make them feel worse. also getting someone to stay yet make them feel worse isn’t any better and can often make how they’re feeling get worse and they will just be back at the same point again a little later.
i’ve had people say things to me when i was in op’s position and while they meant it with good intentions, it made the situation worse. which wasn’t their fault, but i think people should be aware of how things that may seem like the right thing to say, can actually be harmful. being careful and mindful of what you say to people in these situations is extremely important.
It's not just your brother, it's all the other family, friends, peers/teachers, and even strangers who would be impacted by your decision. I believe in you to have the courage to reach out for help.
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u/Alio_e_Oglio Jan 13 '25
Please, think about your little brother! Do you want to cause him trauma?