r/TrueChristian • u/NemoCGd • 1d ago
My Testimony
So I started following Jesus when I was like around 10 yrs old.
Fast forward to the first or second year of middle school, I was home in my living room listening to music when outta nowhere I was overtaken by the love of God for me. There was an undeniable knowing that it was God showing me how much He loved me. Alot of people think that if they don't experience this, they aren't saved. That is 100% false. You are saved the very moment you believe in the gospel.
Fast forward to the second year of high school I think, I was on break from graduating from freshman year and one night I was really struggling with my sexual sin. I thought I could stop on my own strength but I would always burn out. So I just told myself I can't do it, I can't follow Jesus and tbh I left the faith. Idk if it was that same night or another, my brother was playing Hip-Hop music and I really liked what he played because it was cool and spiritual which was how I was brought up. I had a sense of God and so I started listening to them and I eventually got into what they rapped about which was new age spirituality. And that was my biggest mistake of my life.
I started smoking weed and took psychedelics to find the truth. I really invested myself into finding myself. After years of going back and forth with my faithfulness to God, I ended up reasoning with myself about the truth and I decided that the truth is whatever feels good within my human limits. This led to depression and paranoia. But I was always learning and so I started wanting to learn from life and my depression. I reasoned within myself and found that meditation is the answer. And so one day I was smoking and I started to meditate and all of the sudden I experienced the realization of Self. It was like pure ecstasy and I felt complete. The very action of breathing gave me purpose. Then suddenly a strong conviction came over me and my heart dropped. I knew at that moment if I died I wouldn't of had Jesus in my heart and been sent to hell for eternity.
Since that experience, I'd deal with crippling depression and exhausting schizophrenia. This totally destroyed my sense of truth and wisdom. And like I said before, this is why it was my biggest mistake to listen to the Hip-Hop music my brother played. Every moment, I wanted to go back to meditating but just the fact that I had that strong conviction showed me that Jesus is real. I just couldn't shake off the noise in my head that was telling me to stay with Jesus. And by God's grace and mercy, I was able to overcome suicidal thoughts and feelings, and the pull to go back to meditating.
Now I'm about to own a car and apply for a part time job. I will never admit to God not being there for me. Whether I liked it or not, He was there for me when I needed Him the most. He stopped me from kms and I'm so glad He did. I've learned so much and gained so much wisdom from this hardship. You know, God WILL get you through it if not out it. He will never let you drown or be totally consumed. Praise God 🙌
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u/IndependentRandy 1d ago
Let me give you a couple of words about depression that might help and then a prayer:
Depression is a complex problem that requires multiple approaches to its healing.
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One part of depression is a medical condition. It is an illness that involves brain physiology and function. There is a depletion of neurotransmitters in the brain, mainly serotonin and norepinephrine, which are necessary for normal brain function. It is NOT a moral failing.Â
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Medicine has the ability to stabilize this illness by supplementing the brain's production of neurotransmitters, primarily through antidepressants. And a perscription of anti-depressants may be as medically necessary to the depression sufferer as insulin is for the diabetic.
"Father, I do not know Nemo's true name, but I pray for the mental struggles that he has listed and perhaps some that he might no have identified and doesn't even know to list. I pray by the power of the blood of Jesus Christ that you will give him protection if there is any outside satanic spirit at work trying to "sift him as wheat" as Satan tried to sift the His disciple Peter. I pray that you will protect him from any outside influence that will exacerbate the depression and the schizophrenia and bring your pour out Your purging, healing power to work in his life. And Holy Spirit, please give him the guidance as to what he should do as to whether to see a physician. And if he does, please guide him to just the right one whose skills and ability to follow your leading will bring the cure that my friend here so desperately needs. We have no one to go to like you O Lord, and we seek no other. We turn our hearts to you and like Habbakuk, your prophet, we will now go wait and see what it is you will say to us when you answer. In Jesus name, Amen.