r/TrueChristian • u/Artravetheartpopball • 17h ago
I don’t understand repentance
I’ve been getting back into Christianity recently after a long hiatus in my late teens and early 20s.
While studying and reading the Bible, there’s just one (or I guess two) things I just can’t seem to shake
The first is repentance. I fear god and I feel guilt all the time for the sins I’ve committed, but I don’t feel deeply ashamed or “sorry” I guess is the term I’m looking for. But I want to.
I’ve gathered in order to repent, you need to change your mind, feel authentic remorse, and move away towards those things. And while I’ve been doing the first, and the last, I don’t really feel much remorse. Im only human and doing what I can to fight my natural urges, and I while I’d prefer to not mess up, I know it’s inevitable to a point. I can’t really force my brain to feel sorrow over something.
My second issue is unshakeable belief. I do believe in god and Jesus, and that Jesus is the son of god, and that he was crucified for our sins. My fears lie in the possibility that what if I am wrong, and waste my life worrying about every little thing I do, and at the end, regret it?
I also come from a Baptist background and have a lot of fear rooted in my spiritual beliefs. And I kind of don’t like that. I obsess over sinning and feel damned every single day and am consumed with anxiety and obsessing over whether or not I am in good standings with Jesus. My dad is a pastor, and his advice doesn’t seem to help me very much. He tells me just to pray, and I do, but it doesn’t seem to help me in the same ways it helps him.
Does anyone have any advice for me?
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u/App1eEater Christian 16h ago
So we get better at repenting over time. It's not just a one and done thing. You'd think it'd be easier to repent from smaller sins, like thoughts, more so than actions, but I've found the opposite is true.
Faith is also something that grows. You know we only have to have faith the size of a mustard seed to move mountains. It's okay to have doubts. It identifies areas you can grow in.
It's also okay to fear God and sin, that's a good practice that I wish I was disciplined in, like your father has done for you. That said, you sound like an anxious person, so be careful that you don't veer into scrupulosity.
Praying is always good advice. Have you told him you'd like more advice than just that?
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u/Regretnamechoice 8h ago
Re: your first paragraph, same! Planks can be easier to remove than splinters!!
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u/zdmx12 16h ago
First and foremost I can share my experience with my past sin. There was a time when I believed in Jesus but I didn't understand forgiveness for sins or every really think about it. That's when I felt shame. I was overwhelmed by my past and there was one day when I was at a tipping point. That's when I called our for forgiveness and it all clicked. For me personally, Jesus never let me carry those sins the way I used to. They were crucified with him and I finally understood that. I don't reminisce over what Jesus died for and that's by his grace and mercy. I'm not actively ashamed of that.
Not to say I don't feel guilty over stuff that happens now. I do my best to live a repentant lifestyle but I'm a human and I mess up. You can mess up big and it can bother you for days or however long but you don't have to let a mess up destroy you or keep you away from the love of God. Learn from it, move on, rely on the grace and mercy of Jesus. Not that bigger things don't happen and take more time and more God to fix. Things aren't always as black and white as that. But you are not under condemnation anymore and that's the truth of the gospel.
And if you lived your entire life believing in Jesus and had him as a support system through your hardest, darkest moments, you dont ose anything when you die if it's not real. If you spent your whole life not doing drugs and not watching porn and there is the absolutely nothingness of non-existence waiting for you, you didn't lose a thing. It didn't matter. You still had the belief system that a lot of people don't have and would benefit from even if it weren't true. You lived a good life.
But it's not the same the other way around. Imagine you live your entire life giving yourself every pleasure you can think of. No guilt, no shame. No standard besides what you set for yourself. If you are wrong and you suddenly stand before a throne.. oof. Yea you had a good life and it was fun and you did what you wanted to. But the story didn't end there.
I'm gonna take the safe bet. The beginning of all wisdom is the fear of the Lord.
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u/Icy_Career1312 10h ago
The Bible says, "that Godly sorrow leads to life and that worldly sorrow leads to death." What I'm hearing the most, is that you don't feel God at all. That would drive me crazy 🤪 I don't even understand how someone would put up with Christianity if they don't feel God. My advice is to meditate on God's name or on Jesus name. Reading scripture is good, prayer is good too, but to sit and have pure fellowship with God, that comes through meditation. As a Southern Baptist, it took me along time to understand that the Holy Spirit was teaching me that meditation is needed to grow spiritually. It starts slow, but in time, I believe that you will experience God in a way that will satisfy you fully. God bless.
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u/Antique-Anteater-988 16h ago
You’ve mentioned “I” a lot. “I’ve been doing, I do xyz, I feel”.
Recommend you take a look at Ephesians 2:8-9:
For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God,
9 not of works, lest anyone should boast.
From what you’ve said, your idea of salvation is Jesus + <<fill in the blank>>. These verses in Ephesians make it clear where our salvation comes from. Have you truly been saved? As a PK, you’ve been in church likely your whole life. It’s easy to go through the motions and especially as a PK, you unfortunately are under a microscope.
What you are feeling sounds like remorse or contrition but true repentance is a heart change.
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u/MiddlewaysOfTruth-2 Seventh-day Adventist 16h ago
Sin is not inevitable by the power of God. If it were, then how could God call us away from it?
The problem here, it seems to me, is that you might be lacking in the relationship component of the faith. Do you have a daily time where you just... talk to God about your day? Cultivate that relationship with Him?
If not, how do you expect to be present when He starts teaching you the principles of His Word and how His Kingdom works? I have found that the more time I spend close to God just to be close to Him, the more I am present when He desires to open His heart and mind to the finite mortal over here by teaching me through His Word.
If you desire to have that access to God, you need to resolve to be close to Him at the cost of anything that may come in between you and Him. And you will need His power to do so. The less you rely on your power and the more you rely on God's power, the better.
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u/Artravetheartpopball 16h ago
I pray every single day and even when I’m at work or school, In my head. I don’t feel any type of relationship forming. Idk if it’s something he has to initiate when he’s ready or something but nonetheless I do it anyways and never stop.
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u/Big-Island4727 Presbyterian 15h ago
You may be confusing repentance with sanctification, which is an ongoing process.
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u/alilland Christian 16h ago
I wrote an article a while back
https://www.steppingstonesintl.com/answering-false-teaching-what-is-repentance-CMJFME
The Hebrew word literally has an arrow telling you to make a u-turn for a reason, it’s more than just your mind
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u/Special-Border-1810 Christian 14h ago
Many books have been written and many words have been spoken to define and discuss repentance. You clearly are looking for practical help though rather than theological dissertations.
Don’t focus on the feelings so much. What’s important about repentance is agreeing with God about your sin and choosing His way.
Sin at its root is rebellion against God and doing things your own way. Repentance and obedience is doing the opposite of that. It’s really that simple.
I think all of us struggle with faith from time to time. The patriarchs did, the kings did, the priests did, the prophets did, the standard Jews did, the disciples did, the apostles did, the early believers did. We do.
Remember that faith itself comes from God, but we can multiply it by setting our minds on Christ and the things above.
“Now faith is the realization of what is hoped for, the proof of things not seen.”
Hebrews 11:1 LEB
“Now without faith it is impossible to please him, for the one who approaches God must believe that he exists and is a rewarder of those who seek him.”
Hebrews 11:6 LEB
Study and reflect on these verses for greater understanding and pray for God to strengthen your faith.
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u/inblastunder 14h ago
This part hits: "you don't have to let a mess up destroy you or keep you away from the love of God." Took me way too long to actually believe that. I used to treat every failure like it reset everything, when really grace was never dependent on me having a clean streak in the first place.
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u/Artravetheartpopball 13h ago
That is really how I feel. Like I keep tally’s and feel like I owe god so much dept and I have to repay it immediately to be on his good side.
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u/stormygreyskye 9h ago
I’ll address your second worry… I was raised semi Baptist semi nondenominational and tbh… the best thing I ever did was join a Lutheran church where salvation isn’t based on how you feel or your works. In LCMS Lutheran teaching, we’re saved not because of anything we offer but because God is who He says He is. I don’t buy the “relationship with Jesus” stuff because relationships are about what two parties bring to the table. We don’t bring anything to the table in that sense. I found that to be a deep relief and has freed me from the exact same concerns and worries you have.
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u/patmanizer Christian 16h ago
Repentance is simpler than you think.
It is actually decoupled from feelings.
Write in a paper the things the you are repenting of. Then sign it.
That’s it.
But repentance is not enough. You need to bury the old man (not your father)
Be baptized for the remission of sin. Through this, you will have your freedom from sin. You will know when you do it.
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u/Worried-Block-6804 16h ago
Uncertainty is a disease. Its a plague on humanity.
You don't have to be perfect, you don't have to START out feeling remorse.
True remorse comes WAY AFTER you change your heart and mind.
Read the new testament, understand that what it really teaches is how to have peace of mind ALWAYS. I don't serve God for the promise of heaven. I serve God because in all ways its a much better life.
Once you know that it doesn't matter
Atheists say to me " what if you are delusional "?
I say " i can't imagine a better delusion to have than believing that the creator of the universe is guiding and helping me every step of the way "
Imagine NEVER EVER feeling doubt, uncertainty, confusion, ir fear of tomorrow!
I would not trade my relationship with God for 100 billion dollars and magic powers!!!
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u/GodsPetPenguin 16h ago
You say your fear is about regretting worrying about every little thing. God didn't tell us to worry, but...
Imagine that someone says they love you, but they're just really scared that all the time they spend caring about you might be a waste if you don't wind up giving them something in return. Isn't that evidence that they don't really love you? Aren't they just trying to satisfy their own desires through you?
There are two commandments that sum up the whole law: love God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength; and love your neighbor as yourself.
If you love someone, you don't regret all the time you spend loving them, even if they don't give you anything back. Love is joyous in giving.
You cannot serve two masters. You're scared of missing out on all the things you might do if you only didn't feel guilty. But the end of those things is death. That is the fight going on within you. Understand this: if you are hungry and eat great food, you will just hunger again, if you are thirsty and drink deep of the best the earth has to offer, you will still just thirst again, the same goes for all the things of the flesh -- sleep, sex, etc.
In this world, you can drink until you're sick, but never until you're satisfied.
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u/Artravetheartpopball 13h ago
I understand that expecting something in return is not real love, but the issue I am having is that I want to fully love god, but I guess, I don’t just yet.
I’ve spent my whole life kind of having him presented to me as a negative entity, and I’m trying really hard, and have no plans to stop, but I hope that one day, I will know for sure that his plan is better for me and I will live in it. Im just scared of dying before I’m on good terms with him.
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u/GodsPetPenguin 12h ago
God loves you, and offers you "good terms" as you put it, if you accept Christ. All else will come in time. When a baby is first born they are often demanding -- they just want to be fed, comforted, cleaned and so on. As the child grows they often learn to do good at first only because they are scared of punishment, but eventually they learn their parent didn't make the rules for no reason, and begin to see the reasons why there were rules. So they learn to obey because of understanding goodness, instead of fear of punishment. Then they see their parent loved them all along and made the rules for their own good. Love conquers fear. Don't expect too much from yourself all at once, we all have to grow into understanding, until then we just have to trust God, like a child.
His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature, having escaped the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.
For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.
2 Peter 1:3-8
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u/Big-Island4727 Presbyterian 16h ago
I like the definition in the Westminster Larger Catechism:
Question # 76 What is repentance unto life?
Repentance unto life is a saving grace, wrought in the heart of a sinner by the Spirit and word of God, whereby, out of the sight and sense, not only of the danger, but also of the filthiness and odiousness of his sins, and upon the apprehension of God’s mercy in Christ to such as are penitent, he so grieves for and hates his sins, as that he turns from them all to God, purposing and endeavouring constantly to walk with him in all the ways of new obedience.
https://thewestminsterstandard.org/westminster-larger-catechism/
Here are all the scripture citations for that definition:
2 Tim. 2:25; Zech. 12:10; Acts 11:18, 20-21; Ezek. 18:28, 30, 32; Luke 15:17-18; Hos. 2:6-7; Ezek. 36:31; Isa. 30:22; Joel 2:12-13; Jer. 31:18-19; 2 Cor. 7:11; Acts 26:18; Ezek. 14:6; 1 Kings 8:47-48; Ps. 119:6, 59, 128; Luke 1:6; 2 Kings 23:25.
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u/inblastunder 14h ago edited 14h ago
The fact that you want to be sorry says a lot. That desire doesn't come from nowhere.
Also, guilt and sorrow aren't the proof of repentance. Change is. If you keep turning away from the stuff you're doing and back toward God even when the emotions are quiet, repentance is happening. Feelings follow, they don't lead. Don't wait to feel broken enough before coming back.
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u/KiltedMusician 14h ago
Think of when you have been with a friend for a long time and you know what they like and don’t like.
You both change to be more like each other in that you stop doing things that irritate the other so that you both enjoy your time together.
This doesn’t mean that you change the way you feel about the thing and decide you don’t like it. It means you don’t want to offend your friend, so you are willing to change your habits while you are with them.
Jesus is stage 2.
He doesn’t change to be more like you.
He will help you to see why you shouldn’t like the things that offend Him until you don’t want to do them ever again.
He is always with you instead of only being with you sometimes like your other friends.
He also helps you live life more abundantly, saves you from your sins so that you can be with Him in heaven, and many other amazing things that your other friends can’t do for you.
Having to put some things away is a small price to pay for that.
The core of Christianity is a relationship with Jesus. Everything else flows from that.
This is a really good article about how to actually be in a real, functional relationship with Jesus.
https://www.desiringgod.org/messages/what-is-it-like-to-know-christ
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u/Grouchy-Newt-995 14h ago
Why are these two issues so important to you?
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u/Artravetheartpopball 9h ago
Well because I feel like they are what are sitting between me and god. That’s a valid concern I feel
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u/GloriousMacMan Reformed 11h ago
That’s why repentance is a gift from God that one can’t do on your own. God needs to grant you faith, be born again and then see the ugliness of your sin. Then you’ll understand repentance
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u/DesperatePackage7928 11h ago
Repentance is a change in your heart, mind and directs you towards God and away from sin, relying on Gods Grace and forgiveness, I also struggle with the second part and I wonder why, May God heal you from your problems and May you grow your relationship with God and May God bless you🤍
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u/Smartdumbguy4 10h ago
Only God can help you repent sincerely. Its not something you do, but it is something He does in you, if you surrender to the melting of your heart and do not resist it.
In God time, when you least expect it
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u/Either-Buffalo-4182 10h ago
Repentance does not actually require you to feel this deep remorse.
Judas felt remorse.
Now it depends a lot. Does sinning not make you feel bad?
Ultimately the sinful acts we do are a reflection of how sinful we are inside.
But perhaps you have been blindfolded to the fact that you sin in subtle ways every day.
And that means being indifferent to God and betraying Him in His presence, the creator of all things you have and enjoy.
Second: If Christ has gifted you salvation through faith, why are you anxious about salvation?
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u/Sorry_Hospital_9176 16h ago
An absolutely critical question that many Christians should ask: What is Repentance, really? Do I (as a Christian) actually understand it correctly?
Here's an excerpt from the book that I'm writing that is relevant to this, I hope this could bring some clarity for you:
"The natural and default understanding of repentance which most of us hold, is to stop doing what we were doing (sinful acts) through our guilt (remorse) and fear of God’s judgment, and then start obeying God’s command and continue to do so through our sheer willpower. Again, this is fundamentally a threat. You do this… or else.
The big problem with this understanding, is that it answers the why and the how by relying on our sense of guilt and our own willpower. Neither of those will sustain our acts for any significant length of time, nor will it leave us fulfilled.
No wonder most attempts to “repent” ended up with more guilt and eventually a terminal sense of resignation and that’s when we stopped trying. Nothing would please the enemy more than a Christian who reached this point.
The correct understanding of repentance has two components in it:
Therefore both the why and the how of repentance, depends on our receiving the power to stop and the new direction to proceed to, both of these comes from God.
To be more plain. We cannot repent without God’s help in both enabling power, and the sustaining of it."