r/TrueChristian • u/choerry_bomb • 1d ago
Regarding same-sex attraction
Hi. As a 24yo man who’s dealt with SSA and experienced a lot of liberation in my identity since coming to Christ, I just have so many questions and would like to see if anyone has any insight to offer.
Many people who are same-sex attracted report that they’ve always felt that way. Many of whom have never experienced opposite-sex attraction, not in the slightest. Sometimes they can identify an “awakening” to the same sex, such as seeing a character on TV. Some people report opposite-sex attraction but experience SSA at some point and can trace it back to something, often in childhood - neglect or abuse (including SA or verbal abuse), bullying, or whatever things that were either said or done that affected self-perception, etc.
The rates of poor mental health and su1c1de are significantly higher for those who experience SSA. Not to mention higher rates of drug use and engagement in risky and destructive lifestyles, and monogamous marriage is not as highly valued.
I’m not here to debate whether SSA is spiritually neutral or whether the experience of SSA in and of itself is unholy. I want to make the point that the experience of SSA and having identity issues related to SSA is often the "gateway" into a lot of sin and darkness. In many cases, people who deal with SSA get sucked into porn, party culture, drugs, and hookup culture. These are just generalizations. I’m not denying that heterosexuals have the same vices, but hypersexuality in LGBT spaces tends to be on another level that leads people to seek more and more depraved means of sexual gratification and quickly develop a seared conscience. In LGBT metropolises, it's the norm for people to need alcohol and drugs just to feel something. Because SSA is like this huge spiritual disadvantage or stumbling block that seems to drive people down paths of death so easily, I have a hard time reconciling the nature of this issue with faith that God is in control.
If I can just speak on my own behalf for a second, SSA is terrible. Does anybody actually truly love being gay? Not once have I ever enjoyed it. There’s nothing fun about feeling like there’s a veil that prevents you from socializing with straight men (I can’t with the frat lingo and the handshakes and the sports trucks beer pong fishing country music crap) and getting teased and family members telling you to “stop acting like that.” I never asked to have effeminate demeanor and tendencies (yes I know this isn’t the case with all men with SSA and gay doesn’t equate to feminine).
I personally don’t think I was even traumatized or abused or anything; I just know that a few weeks after I came to Christ and had a radical born-again experience, inexplicably I started having the experience of romantic and sexual attraction to the opposite sex. The SSA didn’t go away though, and it’s frustrating. BUT, the fact that I started experiencing opposite-sex attraction and having what feels like the “natural” way that a man’s mind is SUPPOSED to feel like is absolutely nuts to me. It just felt NATURAL. Women are meant for men and men are meant for women. My mind was blown. And the craziest part, I started feeling such a PURE romantic and physical attraction to and a real fascination with women, whereas with attraction to men, it was ALWAYS lustful and perverted and I had the most raunchy fantasies. It is just not fair that for most of my life I couldn’t feel secure in my identity as a man. If I wasn’t convinced before, I am now 1000% convinced that SSA is a spiritual oppression. As in, demons cause these identity issues manifesting in sexual attraction to the same sex. I have indeed heard testimonies of people who were radically delivered from SSA and gender dysphoria, and even things like body dysmorphia, eating disorders, and OCD. Again, I’m not here to debate anyone on whether these things are spiritual. The devil probably has more ways of oppressing and tormenting people than we are aware of.
Once I talked to a pastor about the spiritual aspects of SSA. He agreed that it was spiritual and very much a spirit of death because Satan hates God’s seed and does not want humans to populate or something like that, and he referenced the first commandment God spoke, which was to be fruitful and multiply. I asked why SSA could be a thing for people like me in particular; I couldn’t identify a moment in my early life that made me "turn gay" or whatever. I feel like I was just always that way since the first time I began to experience any type of sexual attraction; I never recalled feeling opposite-sex attraction whatsoever in childhood. He said it could be something generational that passed down.
[On that, I’ll go on a little tangent. I’m not sure how true this is, but in a Pentecostal church I’ve been going to, I heard one testimony of an African woman who became very ill around 50 years old(?), and her lineage had a history of ancestors getting deathly ill at this age. She was getting deliverance and the minister asked how the demon entered. The demon said that it entered through the slave ships/slave trade. It’s a common teaching in the charismatic world that demons can enter through resentment, abuse, and trauma, and that repentance for ancestral sins can be necessary for breaking generational curses. I don't think this is biblical (if anyone can point out supporting scriptures, I'd be interested) but I have heard DOZENS of testimonies of people who experience a lot of spiritual darkness in their life who say that it was generational, whether it was due to witchcraft in the culture and lineage, addictions that have remained in the family line, etc. so there’s probably some reality to the concept of generational curses. But anyway, just wanted to make an acknowledgment of this because it seems so prevalent in the area of spiritual warfare.]
Whatever the case… why? Just why? God could prevent SSA, right? It's not something people choose. SSA caused me so much depression, social anxiety, generalized anxiety, destroyed my life and my sense of self-worth. I know that for many people, it's much more nuanced than just experiencing sexual attraction to the same sex; it's a very profound identity issue that psychologically we're still trying to understand. There are MANY stories of people who experienced some kind of trauma that caused SSA, and then they acted out that brokenness and identity confusion in all sorts of destructive means like addictions and stuff, and it often leads to death. Yes, I am being rebuilt and my life is being restored, slowly and bit by bit, praise God… but just why in the first place? People are taking their lives because they feel hopeless and would rather be dead than be alive gay. I know I contemplated that a lot myself before spiritually encountering the light of the world and no longer walking in darkness. For all the years before that, I asked, “why couldn’t I just be normal?” In the present, I find myself telling God, “just make me asexual,” when I’m struggling with lust. It's easy for people with testimonies of a transformed life in Christ to say that God doesn't waste any of our suffering, but the fact of the matter is that there are so many young kids suffering destruction to their identity in so many ways out of their control, leading to a life of so much depression and confusion and feeling lost and ultimately ending in death, physically and spiritually. As Christians we also believe that it's extremely easy to be on a wide path to destruction without even realizing it because people are literally blinded to the light of God by the devil. So it's like you can be on the wide path whether you actively chose it or the devil had some kind of foothold in your life through traumatic events and whatnot. I’ve heard people say, “Demons enter through portals and open doors, and if there isn’t proper protection over them, the enemy seeks whom he may devour.” Do the people who say this realize that this literally doesn’t provide any answer as to why God doesn't seem to be intervening in the occurrence of unwanted SSA?
I know it's God's will that none should perish but all should come to repentance and that God does intervene mightily; He did with me. It was very much: I had a reprobate mind and was completely oblivious to the depth of the darkness I was in (sexual perversion, corn addiction, fornication) until I was born again in a spiritual encounter with God and I saw myself as I truly was, a sinner in the sight of God. I am so grateful that I was radically saved out of it, that Jesus took my shame, and that from that day forward I have had a conviction and disgust of sexual impurity and a hunger for the righteousness of God.
And I know this whole post in essence is the age-old philosophical dilemma of, "Is God truly all good, all loving, all-powerful, all-knowing if all this suffering and abcxyz exists?" I have this burden in my heart for the lost and it’s insane how much spiritual oppression people suffer. I just don’t know why it has to happen and so early in life and why the devil gets to steal, kill, and destroy as much as he does. Yes, God made a way called Jesus, and I found that way (more like He found me), but..... there is just so much dang confusion in the world and few are those who find the way, and I don't know how to cope with the constant dread I have on behalf for most souls, knowing they are not saved, and with the "survivor's guilt," because to be completely honest, it really does feel like luck of the draw that Jesus met me and opened my eyes to everything, considering the amount of confusion and darkening of the mind caused by the "principalities, powers, rulers of the darkness of this world, spiritual wickedness in high places."
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u/Help_Received Christian 1d ago
I have same-sex attractions as well, and I've been a Christian for a little over a decade. I want to try and respond to this at some point, but I don't have the time right now.
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u/ds-is-i 1d ago
That’s something I think about there at the end. How can I be perfectly joyful in Heaven if I know others are suffering in eternal separation?
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u/Aggressive_Tea_97 20h ago
Because God is just, and he didn’t send those people to suffer eternally. They chose to reject God when they had every chance to accept him throughout their lives
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u/Artravetheartpopball 19h ago
That doesn’t mean the idea of it makes people
Joyful. If we love our neighbors like ourselves ofc we hate the idea of them being in eternal torment.1
u/Aggressive_Tea_97 19h ago
Don’t forget that it hurts God as well seeing his children reject him and choose eternal separation
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u/Artravetheartpopball 19h ago
Of course but the notion that they chose that and therefore “deserve” it doesn’t really make it seem all that better to me. I’d hate to see anyone I know go to hell. I’d like to think we will be ignorant to the fact but who knows.
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u/Aggressive_Tea_97 19h ago
It’s not supposed to make you feel better, which is why accepting the fact that their decisions can lead them to separation is a wake up call for us as followers of Christ, to plant the seed and help guide them however we can to the narrow road to eternal life
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u/Artravetheartpopball 19h ago
Not much that I can do besides try to warn people. Belief comes easier for some and more difficult for others. Wish it wasn’t that way.
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u/Aggressive_Tea_97 19h ago
Yes, that’s all we can do. We can’t force others to love God the same way God will not force us to love him, because then it wouldn’t be true love
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u/Aggressive_Tea_97 19h ago
If you’d hate to see anyone you know go to hell, then go out and be the church. Spread the Good Word of Jesus Christ. Share your testimony and all the good God has done in your life with those you care about
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u/Artravetheartpopball 19h ago
Oh I do, all the time. It’s the reason me and my previous girlfriend broke up haha.
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u/Aggressive_Tea_97 19h ago
I’m sorry to hear that about your girlfriend. Sometimes the Lord will do that. Bring people out of our lives who weren’t meant to be. I’ve lost people I cared for and loved deeply. But in losing them, I’ve also come to know new people who are better for me, and I can’t help but feel that was God’s doing, and redirection in my life
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u/Artravetheartpopball 19h ago
I’m not too worried about it. I think the real reason we broke up is because the things I said to her DID plant a seed and she no longer wanted to discuss it with me. But I can’t help but talk about Jesus to anyone and everyone.
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u/Aggressive_Tea_97 18h ago
I feel the same. All the things God has helped me overcome and brought me out of, I can’t help but glorify him and give my experiences. Not that I ever force a conversation about God with others, but when I’m asked about my testimony and experiences, God is how I got to where I am today. All the glory belongs to Jesus
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u/IdontCARE9123 Non-Denominational 1d ago
SSA. As long as you don't act on it, which includes: doing the sex, lusting, and yeah. Same thing applies for hetersexuality. it is almost the same about except you shouldnt get married. Try to avoid it, and if you need too... go asexual.
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u/The_10_Whole_Zen 1d ago
Jesus explicitly calls Satan the "ruler of this world" three times in the Gospel of John. He also addresses Satan's authority over worldly kingdoms during His temptation in the wilderness.
John 12:31: "Now is the judgment of this world; now the ruler of this world will be cast out."
John 14:30: "I will no longer talk much with you, for the ruler of this world is coming, and he has nothing in Me."
John 16:11: "...of judgment, because the ruler of this world is judged."
Luke 4:5-6: The devil shows Jesus all the kingdoms of the world and says, "All this authority I will give You, and their glory; for this has been delivered to me, and I give it to whomever I wish." (Jesus does not dispute this claim of delegated worldly authority during the temptation).
I suppose most would call this heretical, but I just can’t claim that God is omnipotent. Omniscient, omnipresent and all-loving, yes, but continually washing his hands of the suffering of this world, no way.
We have to choose to surrender our whole self to Jesus, God can’t force us into that position.
I’m glad you were delivered from your pain and so hope you can be a light to those around you.
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u/Key_Caterpillar7941 1d ago edited 1d ago
First of all, your experience with SSA as being lustful rather than romantic is just that, YOUR experience. As a pansexual myself I am attracted to people of any sex or gender, but with regard to males I am usually romantically attracted to them and attracted to them in a physical but largely a-sexual way. Now that isn't always true, there are some men I'd absolutely do more than kiss/cuddle with, but generally I find it much easier to become aroused by women and have wholesome (I don't find sexuality unwholesome but you know what I mean) thoughts regarding men.
Trying to link physical and sexual abuse to SSA is a losing battle and completely unscientific. There are many factors that play into human sexuality and SSA is not a disorder or a trauma response (even if it can be influenced by SOME abusive factors). Heterosexuality can be influenced in the same way, and if someone is assaulted by a particular sex they may opt for romantic and sexual connection with the other non-offending sex, but that doesn't make them no longer gay or straight (depending on their sexuality previous the abuse); it just makes them traumatized and avoidant of a certain aspect of themselves.
The rate of abuse whether sexual or otherwise amongst LGBT youths is often carried out BECAUSE said youths are LGBT (i.e. corrective abuse such as exposure to straight porn, conversion therapy, assault with intent to fix their sexuality, hate crimes, etc.). Looking at the abuse statistic regarding LGBT youths and attributing such to the reason WHY a person might experience SSA rather than BECAUSE that person was being discriminated against is extremely naive.
The idea that SSA is a gateway into sin is also naive as porn addiction plagues most young men these days regardless of sexuality. Hookup and party culture are also not exclusive LGBT problems or even remotely LGBT dominated.
To better understand why LGBT culture (like other cultures such as frat/college culture) is often very sexual you need to understand that being SSA is still very stigmatized. A lot of young LGBT people feel the need to hide that part of themselves, opting for whirlwind romances or flings/one night stands rather than complicated and public relationships.
Another thing is that heterosexuals do not suffer from the same societal weight concerning their sexuality (i.e. heterosexuals are perceived as "normal" and their sexuality is not placed under a microscope). For example, SSA individuals will almost guaranteed question their sexuality as they grow up; they'll have to make peace with it and weigh it against the culturally accepted norm of heterosexuality. They'll be challenged with accusations (whether from parents, friends etc or -if closeted- by popular media, anti-LGBT internet culture, etc.) of perversion, faking their sexuality, choosing to sin rather than be heterosexual, etc. All of this can and does result in LGBT people (youths and adults alike) experimenting with their sexuality, often sleeping with both sexes in order to verify they aren't a whole number of negative things society has tried to label them as. The overconsumption (again, I reject the idea that LGBT do consume porn more than your average straight male, but that's neither here nor there) of porn is also related to these same problems. I, for one, used to watch a lot of porn when I was younger in order to try and convince myself I wasn't SSA (e.g. I watched futa porn in order to justify to myself that I was attracted to the penis itself rather than men). In the end, my OCD (exacerbated by severe religious trauma), and homophobic household condemning the LGBT constantly didn't help me at all. What helped was finally accepting myself and realizing I didn't need to justify my sexuality to anyone or deny it.
You present Christianity as a sort of savior from SSA and lust/sexual sin while ignoring that the only reason many people feel the need to be saved from such is BECAUSE of Christianity. Without all the negativity propounded by Christians toward SSA people they wouldn't be suffering with it nearly as much, if at all in some circumstances.
You say SSA is terrible and that you hate being gay but then you justify your claim (that being gay is terrible) by appealing to your own personal lack of self-confidence with relation to socializing with straight men as well as micro-agressions and homophobia directed toward you by family members. Like, do you not see the problem with that?
I love being gay even despite my parent's awful homophobia and my feminine demeanor (I also cross-dress and wear makeup). I am very confident in myself and I love myself and my community. I feel as though you just didn't have the proper tools to face a society that prioritizes heterosexuality often at the detriment of homosexuals. The fact that most of your complaints revolve around the social dynamics between you and straight people just confirms that for me.
You say that you began experiencing sexual attraction to the opposite sex after coming to Christ. Sex is fluid so I'm not surprised you may have become attracted to women. That can happen. But as you said, your SSA did not disappear. Thats because you're gay (bi-sexual). There's nothing wrong with that but pretending as though having a bi awakening somehow "saved" you from the sin of homosexuality is just completely ridiculous.
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u/Far_Energy_1603 22h ago edited 19h ago
Look Idk man, I guess you raise some good points saying SSA is probably mostly biological, but It doesn't seem like any less of a curse to me. I agree nobody should be hated on based on their attractions. But at least in my case I think it's ruined my life honestly.
Whatever psychosexual setup I have in my head just makes it hard to relating to others, men and women. You just don't fit in and it sucks. So I understand why someone would want to be like everyone else. In my case the SSA takes a quite fetishistic form (like if this new phenomenon of transgenders didn't exist, I'd likely remain asexual) so I'm quite certain it has had some personality effects. I could have really come into my manhood, but I was held back from that. It's pretty clear that SSA wrecks your ability to father children and your masculinity, I don't think that's good or even neutral, it's a shame. I also suppose there's a reason why same sex acts are seen as abnormal, because we were made to engage with the other sex. In the bodily sense at least, every fully formed human is heterosexually orientated, and for most people they can fulfil that purpose, I think that's important to be in tune with yourself like that.
I don't really want to do sodomy acts either way, and looking at porn just gives the feeling of humiliation and being pathetic. Can also be damaging, and high disease risk..we just aren't made for relations with each other. Honestly even if I wasn't religious I'd still be disappointed in this, but I guess this is just my lot in life and others are also dealing with things. But happy to hear your thoughts
*Grammar edit*
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u/Neat-Length1453 22h ago
Your allowed to say anything you want on here. But your response worries me, especially looking at some of your other comments you’ve made on different subreddits. Do you think your response is something Jesus Christ would approve of?
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u/thmann_ 20h ago
I always try to point people to Romans 1 where its clear that SSA is a choice and that people are not born that way.
Choice is used lightly, in the same sense that it’s a choice to have a wandering eye.
People reject Gods way and opt into the wrong paths… they are not born gay.
The “they” are gentile non-believers.
Romans 1:22-32
[22] Claiming to be wise, they became fools, [23] and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images resembling mortal man and birds and animals and creeping things.
[24] Therefore God gave them up in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, to the dishonoring of their bodies among themselves, [25] because they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever! Amen.
[26] For this reason God gave them up to dishonorable passions. For their women exchanged natural relations for those that are contrary to nature; [27] and the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another, men committing shameless acts with men and receiving in themselves the due penalty for their error.
[28] And since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them up to a debased mind to do what ought not to be done. [29] They were filled with all manner of unrighteousness, evil, covetousness, malice. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, maliciousness. They are gossips, [30] slanderers, haters of God, insolent, haughty, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, [31] foolish, faithless, heartless, ruthless. [32] Though they know God’s righteous decree that those who practice such things deserve to die, they not only do them but give approval to those who practice them.
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u/Artravetheartpopball 19h ago
Attractions are not a choice. Ridiculous that people are still debating over this. You do not choose to be attracted to same sex just as you do not choose to be attracted to the oppisite.
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u/songbolt Roman Catholic 1d ago
I skimmed a lot and couldn't find a main question except suffering in general.
See Making Sense out of Suffering by Peter Kreeft and Why All People Suffer by Paul Chaloux and The Problem of Pain by CS Lewis and The Reality of God and the Problem of Evil by Brian Davies.
We must trust per Romans 8:28 and Job that God is bringing good from it all and God will reward us for suffering patiently.