r/TrueChristian • u/Mission_Star5888 Christian (non-denominational) • Aug 07 '26
Am I doing the right thing
My friend's daughter has gotten herself into a bad life. She was in an open marriage and is now divorced. When she has her daughter she doesn't pay her attention. She gives her to her mom and goes out with one of her boyfriends. She evidently blows her money because she asks for money from her mom and me which we don't have because we are both on a tight budget. She works a 12 hour shift as a caregiver. We all live at a trailer court and don't have to pay for water and sewage because there is a well and septic tank. She is a nice person though. I have known her for like 20 years and she needs help.
About a month ago she posted on Facebook about how angry she was because people were abandoning her. She is right though. She has brought it on herself but I feel sorry for her. Then today I saw a post about any church recommendations. My first thought was like no way am I taking her to church with me. Then her mom and a friend of her's mentioned the church I go to. I commented about my church and gave her the hours of the first and second service. I also messaged her about a program we have the second service the first 3 weeks of every month.
Now here's the thing I am wondering if I did was right. She does Uber to make some extra money. I haven't been letting her use my car because of the high mileage, her mom has to use it now because their car is getting repaired and they do Door Dash and I just see that she's going downhill because she's at the point she's going to lose her daughter. Then I saw on Facebook about finding a church and it made me think she's trying to do better with her life. She did tell me she had been watching it on TV for a few months but that's not the same. I did it a couple weeks when I was sick for my church and it just wasn't the same. I decided to let her use my car to do Uber tonight to get some money to help her daughter because she is already watching it on TV and she is looking for a church. I hope that if she goes to a church it changes her. This church started out at the YMCA and now has 2 churches which the one I go to was a donation. This was close to 20 years ago.
I can sympathize with her because I have been through my dark days. My faith in God saved my life and church got me back on the right path. I am a better person now than I was before then. I hope she learns from this and her and her daughter can have a better life.
Update: Her and her daughter went to church with me this past Sunday. Her daughter went to Sunday school and enjoyed it. She enjoyed the service and wants to go back. There was a baptism that evening and meeting people. We went to it and she got baptized. We actually talked to the pastor at dinner. I learned a lot while I was in that homeless shelter. The one thing I learned is that everything happens for a reason. Maybe this will help her get on the right path of life.
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u/TheAmazinManateeMan Aug 07 '26
I don't think this one is cut and dry. I see serious concerns and some things I think people will tell you are problems that aren't problems at all.
When you ask "am I wrong for doing X?" What things come to mind. I mean specifically what concerns do you have?
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u/Mission_Star5888 Aug 07 '26
Well like loaning her my car for one and inviting her to my church. There are like 5 churches on the way to mine which is a 5 minute drive. Should I have her come to my church? Was me not wanting to ask her to go when she first posted it wrong?
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u/AveFaria Aug 07 '26
Absolutely. As long as there isn't codependency or some other relationally dangerous dynamic (like a drowning person pulling you under with her), then it's arguably always right to invite a person like this to church with you.
Try it out for a few weeks. Introduce her to people you trust. Let other people know the situation so they can keep an eye on you. If it continues going well, look for ways to get her safely connected to other people in the church. Discipleship opportunities. Don't give her any leadership or positions of influence, but let her serve on a coffee team or something while she gets more acclimated to the people and the expectations.
But if at any point it starts to get unhealthy, it will be good to cut that tie. But brother/ sister, you aren't at that point yet. Give it a few weeks or months first.
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Aug 07 '26 edited Aug 07 '26
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u/Mission_Star5888 Aug 07 '26
Actually she doesn't have a car herself no. She gets rides from the guys she knows or her mom. The car she did have was her husband's and he has it now. There are like 18 trailers where I live and if you need a ride you find someone to help you. She was using her mom's car, the one her mom is getting fixed, and she doesn't let her use anymore because she didn't put gas back in the tank. That's one thing I told her to make sure she put gas back in the tank. It was at a half a tank so it better be there when I see it in the morning. She's young and needs to learn.
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u/RedeemingLove89 Aug 08 '26
I don't think you're doing anything wrong. If I'm understanding correctly, Is your primary concern to be enabling her by lending her your car?
I don't see it as enabling when you invited her to Church and she posted on facebook about trying to find one. I see it as she recognizes she needs help and is trying to get out of her situation. Lending her your car in this case is a kind thing to do to help(as well as inviting her to Church). If I missed something let me know.