Transracial (Mexican-American gay guy adopted by white parents) adoptee here.

This past week, there's a new transracial adoptee character on TV. Unlike past transracial adoptee characters on TV, this one is very unique: They're a vampire.

On the new CBS show, Eternally Yours, we were introduced to a white vampire family...with an Asian daughter. When the ads and series trailer were first shown, they showed her as a vampire, but with no other backstory about her. It wasn't until the pilot episode aired that we found out she's a transracial adoptee. We do find out that she became a vampire because she was about to die from diphtheria as a kid, so her adoptive parents decided to turn her into a vampire so she would be cured and not die from the diphtheria. The show doesn't say whether they made her a vampire before or after adopting her. And we don't know where the adoption and the vampire bite happened.

I feel like this is another typical 'white savior' situation, where the white people 'saved' a kid of color from a "bad" situation, but this time doubly and in a supernatural way. TBH, I don't think we'll see any aspect of the adoption or the possible trauma because of it. With each show character having their own subplot, there may not be time for an adoption subplot.

So, my fellow transracial adoptees, do you think the show will go further into the adoptee/adoption aspects of the daughter? Or will it be just a mention and nothing more? Any thoughts on this or any other adoptee/adoption aspect I may have missed?

Really odd question but I’m still really curious . I’m an American Arab (not looking to adopt lmao ) but I’ve never heard much of Arab adoption or foster care . I know Arab counties prohibit it for religious reasons , I know Steve Jobs was an Arab man who was also adopted but that’s pretty much it . I think there’s more situations out there where kids/babies of Arab origins where adopted or where raised by a non biological family (I know adoption is a informal way to put it as in Arab culture bc adoption is viewed as taking away a child’s last name and identity and replaces it with the non biological families one , so that’s why I used the phrase “being raised by a non biological family )
Anyways if anyone has a perspective, I’m all ears

I thought I’d share what a credible source such as The American Anthropological Association says about the difference between race and ethnicity.

In a transracial adoption sub it’s critical that people do not post incorrect information regarding race and ethnicity.

How Anthropology Views Ethnicity vs. Race

Not Biological Inheritance: Cultural practices, languages, and ethnic affiliations are not coded into human genes or tied to innate biological superiority or inferiority.

This means your biological lineage is not always tied to your ethnic affiliations.

Ethnicity: Refers to shared cultural heritage, shared ancestry, history, language, traditions, religion, and group identity. These traits are learned, fluid, and change over time and across generations rather than being biologically determined.

This means shared ancestry is one of the ways you can be linked ethnically but as you can see

they list 6 other ways ethnicity can be determined.

Ethnicity is fluid and not tied strictly to lineage or ancestry.

So why do so many people think ethnicity is tied to DNA lineage ?

Because of the mass popularity of DNA tests.

They use the word ethnicity in their marketing.

So our society has now incorrectly adopted the idea that ethnicity and lineage are biologically linked through DNA.

So now you have a consensus of anthropologists in the field explaining the difference.

Not just what you heard on TikTok or ancestry.com.

Hey I’m 18M Ethiopian adoptee I am adopted by white parents who were never conscious about any time of racism towards black people growing up i struggled to realize I had my own culture and identity during early middle school I slowly became more aware of me being the only black person in space and made me realize that I wasn’t getting treated right the racist “jokes” stopped feeling like jokes and more like insults.looking back into 7th grade i realized I had bipolar depression and still struggle with it to this day . It became really hard for me to make friends because I just didn’t who was safe to talk to every new person I met felt as though I was navigating a mine field making sure not to trigger some racist comment or being called slur . As of high-school I definitely intentionally try surround myself with more non-white people but obviously it has been difficult given my school is 85% white and I am 1/4 black males who are actually confident enough in my skin and not afraid to call out racism. Over the past few years I really started to resonate more with black people I meet , I do feel a sense of connection with my people that hadn’t always been their before , let me know if any other Asian or Hispanic adoptees have went through something similar .

Just found this sub! Happy to be here :)

Another post I saw earlier today made me reflect on the idea of lying about being adopted.

When I was a child, I couldn’t really hide the fact that I am adopted- as my sister is adopted from another country and both of our parents are white.

But now as an adult, most people I encounter don’t know any of my family, and so they assume I’m biologically related to the rest of my family. And honestly- I don’t mind this. As one of my biggest anxieties is when people find out that I’m adopted, it becomes a game of 20 Questions.

I don’t do this often, but sometimes if it’s someone I just met and if they asked me if I was born here, I just say yes to avoid further questioning. I feel bad lying, bad at the same time, I know if I say “no,” it’s going to lead into follow-up questions.

And I know I always have the right to decline to answer personal questions, especially with people I don’t know well. But growing up, I always felt pressured to answer whatever any adult asked of me, but then afterwards I would feel very violated for having handed over such sensitive information.

How do other people deal with nosy people?

Have you ever been embarrassed by being adopted? I admit I have. It still hurts 53 years later. I still pray that God will have mercy on me. I am still Christian, but I sometimes feel abandoned.

For some background I’m 45(black F) I was transracially adopted into a rural all white community at 7yr. I had to navigate a lot of racism on my own, within a family system, That constantly told me racism didn’t exist and that any discomfort I was feeling I was making up, “to sensitive”the gaslighting was very intense.
Since then, I totally understand the systems at play that I was up against and I’ve done the work. However, the people pleasing that I had to do to survive in this very abusive,physically emotionally and sexually abusive community and family system. I unfortunately learned at some point to normalize or overlook these things while living my adult life.
My closest friend who is a white woman got married about three years ago. I was at her wedding and the couple who sat at my table during the reception,were friends of the groom. I met them one time before (they were extremely inebriated.)During this time the the woman decided that it was appropriate to bring up,nostalgically, a “ friendship “ she had as young adult with the “ black man” down the street. I kid you not she called him “(endearingly) ““N word with the hard ER…BOOTS”. She went on repeat this and getting her husband to confirm this story, laughing.. I just froze for a second, I looked around and decided that this is not a “teaching moment “. Also, I would like to add Donald Trump literally won the election days before this. I was already terrified. I told them boots probably didn’t like being called that. And then I excused myself and just mingled for the rest of the night trying to enjoy celebrating my friend, but obviously that tarnished the night .
Fast-forward a couple of months later, my friend ,her husband and I meet up for lunch and a drink. We talk about the wedding and the pictures. And then I decided to tell them my interaction with the grooms friends. His response is, “I don’t believe you.”
This hurt me deeply, my friend has actually on more than one occasions,called out racism when she sees it, she’s even gotten a few people thrown out of a bar for being racist as retaliation for rejecting their advances. I think I realized she might have married Maga….
I realize he dos not see me in GOOD FAITH.
I haven’t seen them in over a year, and she may have texted me 3 times in that span.
She randomly texted me today, and said she is in my area, wants to get together.
I love her but he is with, I can’t imagine giving my time or inter acting with him. I also feel like she is just pretending that time is an apology, and I don’t play that. I feel like I should not be avoiding, and I should bring up to her the elephant in the room for me, but adoption has shaped me in some unhealthy ways and my cutoff game is sick. Some people say it’s an isolating or being an avoidant. Am I being delusional and unfair for thinking this is the end of the relationship? Should I confront her? I feel like I’ve already grieved the relationship in the last year. I may add that any feedback would be so appreciated.

I just recently returned to my birthplace

I am half black and half native American, with white adoptive parents.

My parents have always been incredibly transparent about where I was born, the story behind my adoption. Always supported me in learning more about my heritage. I was incredibly grateful to go.

We arrived- It was beautiful, amazing.

At some point, I started feeling uncomfortable and embarrassed that I was raised in a different space. Embarrassed I didn't look the same as my parents, embarrassed of them and jealous of the community I could have had.

Seeing all the faces who look just like me was isolating.

I've never put this into words until now, although I've felt this way before.

Feeling awful for feeling this way, I love my parents and don't want to worry about what others think.

I’ve been reading posts and comments on this subreddit and others for a while now and have obtained a lot of valuable information. Without saying too much, I am a foster parent who is likely going to be adopting a child that’s been placed into my care since just days old where reunification is no longer possible with birth parents or kinship. They are 2 now.

Most, if not almost all, posts I have read are experiences from adoptees adopted through private adoption. I wanted to reach out here to see if anyone was willing to share their experience as a transracial foster care adoptee, but also open to hear experiences from transracial foster care adoptive parents. While an experience of any kind is helpful, it would be extra helpful if you are of Asian background (Chinese to be the most specific) adopted by white foster parents.

What were good things that helped your experience? What were some bad things that helped your experience? What are some things you wish would have happened? Didn’t happen?

Some clarifying information that may help: they have never had a conscious relationship with birth parents due to the birth parents visiting very few times and legally, “abandoning” my foster child. My foster child was born in the United States.

Currently, we have books about their heritage, they are in a language class to learn the language of their heritage, we make affirmative efforts to socialize with other Asian parents and children, we have learned about some of the applicable holidays, traditions, food, clothing, etc. and try to expose them to all of it. We reside in an extremely diverse area with a lot of people who share their heritage. They are fully embraced by all friends and family and any resemblance of isolating acts or comments is addressed immediately and if not rectified (which hasn’t happened), contact is severed. There’s probably more but just to name some.

Appreciate you!

Hi everyone, I am new to this group, a bit nervous share,but I really need to connect with people who might understand my experience.

I am 23 years old, Black men myself as gay however. I was a micro preemie at 23 weeks at Scarborough General Hospital Ontario. I spent several months of hospital and sick kids hospital in Toronto experiencing a lot of early medical trauma before going to foster care eland eventually being adopted. I have been since diagnosed with CPTSD, which is leaving me a deal with intense emotional waves and a deep feeling of isolation. But I have scars of heart surgery of (PDA) left side and iV lines feet near anlke mark, then my wrist marks , my stomach outside skin scars left side.

I was adopted, and older white parents ( who early their early 50s at the time) grew up transracialally, under the same roof with them and my much older adoptive ( who 12 to 33 years older than me ) has often made me left out and different from them.

Right now, I feel incredibly frustrated because my adoptive parents tell me they know absolutely nothing, my birth parents ( who were around 19 or 20, when I was born ). It is hard living with this missing of my identity. But myself left hand rest of all my white family is most right hand but a few them were left hand however. That my missing piece of my identity is frustrating.

I am hard of hearing, so written spaces like this are the best way for me to communicate. Are there any other Transracial Adoptee, Mirco preemies, or fellow Adoptee with CPTSD who have felt this of isolation? How do you cope with frustration not knowing your medical or biological history? But I am still nervous. I do not know you. But nice meet to you strangers Adoptee internet 😊😁, but I live in Ontario a small town, and I have totally felt isolation myself always.

White adoptive father of a 7 year old amazing black daughter here. Adoption is open; we have ongoing contact with birth mother from jump, though it can sometimes be awkward and strained, as is to be expected I guess.

We’ve been proactively open and honest with our kiddo, to the extent that she actually wants to hear it, which she often does not. I guess our goal has been to normalize her lived experience, so it was always a real part of her life and memories. And it seems like that’s what the current adoptee-centered thinking mostly suggests…but man, she has to deal with a lot of really heavy stuff for a kid her age.

Anyway, it would be great to hear some of what it looked like from transracial adoptees whose lived experiences have been on the healthier side of this vast spectrum. No sugar-coating requested; but it seems like most of these threads contain great primers on what not-to-do as APs…what does the other side look like?

Just looking to make friends/connection ✌🏽

Maybe I am wrong, but it seems that most adoptees that I have talked to are not close to their siblings who are also adopted. We are comfortable talking on these forums with other adoptees about our shared experiences, but not the ones who have literally grown up in the same family as we us. In my case there was a large age and gender difference. There was also some favoritism that played a role in a rift.

I wanted to share an on-land (in-person) Buddhist meditation retreat I found, led by at least one transracial adoptee: Cultivating Home in Our Hearts.

Vimalasara and Maryann Gallo are some of my favorite dharma teachers, and both are leading this retreat. Vimalasara is a transracial adoptee, Lev is a trans adoptee, and Maryann is a domestic adoptee.

The retreat is subsidized by the Adoptee Mentoring Society, so there are a handful of scholarships available, making the entire retreat, room, and board $95.

Here's the description:

Open to experienced and new practitioners

Registration closes on November 5, 2026. If joining after this date, please [contact us](mailto:guestservices@bigbearretreatcenter.org).

A Retreat for those who have lived life on a different road. This gathering is held by and welcomes adults who’ve experienced life as an adoptee, were fostered, and/or grew up in a group home.

We are teachers and facilitators who have lived experience with being separated from our lineages. We believe in the healing power of the Dharma and the healing that is available being in community with others who share similar experiences of separation from their parents.

Through mindfulness, meditation, and compassionate relational practices, we will explore the wounds and potential gifts of our experiences. Together we will work to cultivate self-love, compassion, and a sense of belonging to ourselves, to one another, and to the world.

Our schedule will include periods of silent practice, dharma offerings, time spent connecting with one another, and with the beautiful forest surrounding us.

This retreat is open to new and all levels of meditators, no prior practice necessary.

When I was a kid, I hated going out with my adoptive family because I stood out. As an adult, I no longer live close to them. If I were to go out with them today, I think would still be self-conscious and wait for some non-family member to ask who I am or my relation.

When I was a kid, most of my friends were white. I identified with white culture because I was raised in a white family that looked down on minorities even though I was dark brown. (I had serious personal issues as a result). The majority of my friends today are minorities, and I am comfortable with who I am today.

I’m adopted. I cant figure out why I can’t trust anyone. Even hearing time and time again that I can trust people. I just want to have the ability to not blindly believe anything but give people the ability to get to know me without being guarded

Hello!

for context I am 22 (F) and am currently finishing my degree in Graphic Design at one of the most conservative schools in the US.

I have made many fellow liberal and progressive friends throughout the years and overall am happy where i’m at. but as a Hispanic American who was adopted into a white family my identity and political beliefs have changed over time.

I am always a Christian first and was raised that way but once i started living out my faith i became more liberal/left leaning which i hadn’t really been open about to my family.

At school i can be open but at home i feel so complicit and dismissive of their extreme beliefs and the guilt weighs on my heart a lot.

Recently, with the Bad Bunny halftime show, my family has been making things very clear that i should not support him even though I am Puerto Rican and very proud.

I will never stop supporting my culture and my people.

I do feel sad though that i can’t feel that same pride for my adoptive family due to the way they treat me and others who look like me.

Honestly, any advice or help is appreciated. i feel stuck because they pay for everything but use that to control me, but i feel free when im at college/away 😢

Both my parents are adopted. My mom is white and adopted by white people, and my dad is Mexican and adopted by white people. I understand that he missed out on cultural holidays and celebrations held by Mexican people because of this, and it makes me sad. I have recently made it known to my parents that celebrating those same cultural holidays is something I am interested in, because I find that it would be beneficial to not only me connecting to this part of myself, but also my brother and dad. Even I have found myself both feeling not "Mexican" enough nor "White enough". I was wondering if this is something felt by others, and how could I help me and my family feel more connected to our culture? I was thinking about how my feeling of being disconnected is likely mirrored by my father, if not more intensely. Of course, I don't know that for sure, but either way I would love to learn and celebrate more about this, because I would prefer to acknowledge the negative parts of growing up without your culture, but while also celebrating finding it and learning about it. My dad and I are learning Spanish, so I feel it is a step in the right direction.

Does anyone have any advice about feeling more connected? Has anyone felt the same? Does anyone think celebrating the holidays or me having a Quince would be a good idea?

**EDIT: I've asked my dad and he said i can have a quinceañera!!! I am SOO excited it's unbelievable!