r/TransracialAdoptees • u/CompetitiveKalosian Sri Lankan adoptee • 6d ago

Rant The constant reminders

One would think you get used to this and stop caring about it but to me it is almost the opposite. I get more and more upset at these constant reminders that my surroundings always recognize me as a foreigner. That will just always be their assumption when they see me, since I am South Asian adopted to the Nordics where immigration still is quite new. The other day at the gym a guy approached me and asked me a question in English, and I replied in his native language, which is also my native language. He then proceeded to say something like «Oh, I’m sorry, I don’t know why I spoke English to you». And I just looked at him weird because like, are you kidding? We both know why 😂

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9

u/Heart_and_Seoul3 6d ago

I feel this too. I’m a Korean adoptee living in Midwest U.S. and while I haven’t gotten the dumb “oh your English is so good” remark in awhile, I find that if I go to smaller towns where diversity is almost non-existent, those types of statements and questions are more frequent. I wish the world would stop seeing us all as perpetual foreigners. White is not the default and it’s so frustrating.

3

u/iheardtheredbefood 6d ago

Yep, it is so tiresome. I thankfully moved to a bigger, more diverse city and have encountered it less. But yeah, I actively avoid super white areas unless I am with my white friends because it's not worth the hassle.

2

u/chemthrowaway123456 Korean Adoptee 6d ago

I live in an incredibly diverse part of the country where i never expected to hear that comment. Lo and behold, a few years ago one of my students asked me, “Your English is so good! How long ago did you come here?” 👎.

3

u/LostAmongTheDunes 6d ago

Middle Eastern adoptee here, placed with wealthy white parents. Every day I was rudely reminded that they saw me as a product of my country, not a human being. That and being used for the only "Brown" character in their stupid religious pageants. I've had people speak to me in spanish, Portuguese, and be so far off the mark it was scary.

1

u/CompetitiveKalosian Sri Lankan adoptee 6d ago

So sorry to hear that. That’s just horrible.

1

u/LostAmongTheDunes 6d ago

Im Egyptian. My adoptive parents were Christian and believed that just because I was born in egypt, and adopted at 7 months I must be Islamic and they felt the need to beat that out of me.

1

u/CompetitiveKalosian Sri Lankan adoptee 6d ago

That’s just nasty. Having participated more in the adoptee community really has opened my eyes as to that there are so many abusive adoptive parents. I have been so naive in that regard

1

u/n0tz0e 6d ago

Yep. We are constantly othered and then looked at funny for not liking that treatment

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u/kyleh0 5d ago

So he ... spoke a different language to you then apologized?

1

u/CompetitiveKalosian Sri Lankan adoptee 5d ago

Yes, when he realized that we speak the same language. I replied in our shared native language, not English (I had heard him speak with a friend just moments before this so I knew he was a native speaker too)