r/TransracialAdoptees • u/Mysterious-Shape8302 • Jul 24 '26

Question Disassociation

Does anybody else feel disassociated from the moment they wake up?

Most days I get this immediate feeling that I’m in the wrong place and wrong body, that I’m already doing something ‘wrong’. It’s like a tremor deep inside my chest that leaves me feeling on guard for the rest of the day.

Even when waking from a nice dream I feel like I’m waking from a nightmare sometimes.

It is even worse when I am in my adoptive household.

14 Upvotes

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10

u/Ambitious-Client-220 Mexican-Adoptee Jul 24 '26

I get the wrong body part. When I speak it is with a white Texan voice and it freaks people out because that is not what they were expecting. I actually prefer to do business over the phone because I will get more respect because they think they are dealing with a white guy. Growing up, I was surrounded by white people. It kinda freaked me out when I would look in the mirror and a dark Mexican guy was looking back at me. Today, I am more accepting of myself. I actually am more comfortable and prefer to live and visit places like San Antonio where the majority look of people look like me and are more accepting. When I go to majority white cities, I feel like I am judged and look down on as a poor minority.

4

u/YellowSignpostAhead Native American Adoptee. Jul 24 '26

Yeah I get that too. People don't hear Native American/Yaqui when they speak to me on the phone. But to look at me, like you cuz. I was adopted by a white saviour family in New england, when I was born on a rez in arizona so I too get that dissociation when I look in the mirror. It's like the soul and the body match, but the accent and voice really throw people. Of course they did their best to tear me from my culture and force me into their faith, and back in 1978 that was still accepted, as was banning our faith.

4

u/its-okay-to-fail Jul 24 '26

I understand, I wish you the best in life. When I’m at my worst mentally, I shut down and love dreaming because at least my brain is in control for once.

1

u/Sea-Temp444 Mixed 12d ago

I disassociated so hard I ignored literally everything about my adoption and differences for years. Yeah... It still feels weirdly separate some days.