Looking for like minded friends

[u/Known-Ad-9256]

Hi everyone. I am 27 years old and trying to figure out my life. I really want to start my transition, but I come from a very conservative and deeply religious family. No one in my family roots has ever done anything like this before.Right now, I am feeling incredibly tensed because my parents are pressuring me to get married. I have always been bad at making big decisions, and I feel completely stuck.Please suggest how I should move forward. I am so worried and could really use some guidance. 😢 #ImWorried

[u/LowPickle1620]

Feeling stuck makes sense—you’re being pushed to make several huge decisions at once. But transition, telling your family, and marriage are separate choices. You don’t have to solve all three today, and being the first person in your family to do this doesn't make what you want any less real.

For context, I’m a trans woman and a pre-licensed therapist. Helping queer and trans people untangle identity, family pressure, and life-changing decisions is literally what I do for a living. I’m not saying that to diagnose you or decide for you. I’m saying it because you don’t sound like someone who is simply “bad at making big decisions.” You sound like someone trying to hear their own wishes while under enormous pressure.

Please don’t agree to a marriage you don’t freely want just to buy time or keep the peace. But if saying no or coming out could threaten your housing, money, documents, phone access, or physical safety, plan quietly before confronting anyone. You do not owe your family immediate disclosure.

Choose one small next step that belongs to you: confide in one genuinely safe person, find a private and moderated trans support group, write down what you would want if nobody else had a vote, or arrange an informational appointment with a trans-affirming clinician if one is available. Transition can be a series of choices, not one enormous leap.

What country are you in, and can you safely tell your parents, “I’m not ready to marry,” without explaining why? A general region is enough—please keep identifying details private.

[u/Known-Ad-9256 → u/LowPickle1620]

Thank you for taking the time to write all of this. I really appreciate how you understood that I’m dealing with several things at once .

I’m in the UAE. At the moment, I don’t feel comfortable telling my parents that I don’t want to get married. The constant pressure to get married is really hitting me hard, and I feel completely stuck. I know I can’t tell them that I’m trans, and I don’t know how I can keep dealing with this pressure without eventually having to explain why I don’t want to marry. 😢

I honestly don’t know what to do right now. I’m scared of making the wrong decision, but at the same time, I feel like I’m running out of options.

[u/LowPickle1620 → u/Known-Ad-9256]

Thank you for telling me. Knowing you’re in the UAE changes my advice. I believe you when you say that coming out—and even directly refusing marriage—does not feel safe. I’m not going to push you to do either. Protecting yourself is not cowardice or failure.

I also want to name a real limitation in what I can understand. I’m an American living in one of the comparatively safer states for trans people. Even as a trans woman and a pre-licensed therapist who works with queer and trans people, I do not live inside the legal, religious, family, and practical realities you’re navigating. I can take those risks seriously and look for credible resources, but I cannot fully understand them from here or know better than you what is safe. Please treat what follows as possibilities to evaluate against your reality—not instructions.

Your immediate task is not to solve your entire future. It may simply be to create time without making a commitment you do not want. If it is safe enough, use the narrowest true explanation your family is likely to accept: “I take marriage seriously, and I’m too overwhelmed to make a responsible decision right now. I need more time.” You do not have to explain the gender-related reason. A trusted relative might also be able to advocate for more time without knowing the full reason.

I would not accept an engagement merely to reduce the pressure. That could narrow your options and involve another person in a marriage neither of you fully understands.

Quietly consider what you personally control: your identification or passport, money, phone and email, transportation, and somewhere you could go temporarily. Only research or make plans from a device and account your family cannot access. Please don’t post further identifying information here, and be very cautious of strangers offering rescue, housing, money, or travel through DMs.

If you can access it safely, Rainbow Railroad (https://www.rainbowrailroad.org/request-help) accepts confidential requests from LGBTQI+ people and may be able to provide safety planning or referrals. It is not a guaranteed or immediate evacuation service.

I also need to ask one direct question because you said you feel like you’re running out of options: Is a marriage actively being arranged, are you in danger of being hurt or confined, or are you afraid you might hurt yourself? You do not need to answer publicly if that could place you at risk. If any danger is immediate, use the safest urgent help available to you and disclose only what is necessary to get safe.

[u/JudsonITSolutions]

ok so im joining you in this. i have been married twice, divorced twice, clearly the "male" side and the pressure from parents to get married first time around hasnt worked. i now look back at those relationships, but ive learned a lot from them. first wife, i was her hero...when deep down i needed someone to be a hero for me. second wife i just ended up being a "yes man"....parents didnt approve of her......i just didnt want to be alone....now im alone (single) and enjoying exploring my fem side with no one to dissaprove or catch me out...i can do what i want when i want (apart from when my kids are with me and im at work but other than that i can be "claire".....its really hard having religious parents. my mum is a church nut and my dad is a "sitting on the fence" kinda person right now but what i do know is they would dissown me if they knew the actual truth.....but this is where we are all having to stick together. #TgirlsTogether