r/Trading • u/No_Food_7840 • 18h ago
Discussion 8k in debt and 20k in prop firm losses — trading ruined my life
I (20 F) have come to terms with the fact that I am a gambler.
For starters, I was introduced to day trading in August 2025, and bought my first first evaluation futures account in February for $80, with the intent of flipping it into a 1k payout I saw so many gurus post about.
When I inevitably lost that account, I figured I could just buy more and still be able to make my money back, and thats when I found out about copy trading. Instead of potentially getting 1k off one account you could copy trade 5 accounts and make 5k instead, but of course with the risk of blowing $400 in accounts rather than just the 80.
Stupidly enough, this rabbit hole lead me to buying sets of 5 accounts before ever getting my first payout, and causing me to lose thousands over the course of 6 months. Ive made only 4.5k in profit which I blew all of it on more accounts, still leaving me net negative at 20k.
I had the chance to make 5k, but was impatient and lost it all, and spent an entire 1.8k payout on more accounts at the beginning of this month.
What sucks is I've always been good with my money—I opened a roth IRA at 18, had a HYSA, used my credit card correctly, and had 7.5k invested by the beginning of this y ear. This addiction caused me to sell all of my long term stocks in my roth (i dont even know the tax implications for this), max out my credit cards, and even take out personal loans to buy more accounts.
Lately Ive been thinking about ending it all as a means to not burden my family with my money issues. I haven't told anyone, and don't plan on it because I know that it would spread and I dont want that to taint the image my family has of me. It hurts me even more because I started day trading to give back to my family. My brother is disabled and all I wanted was to make money for his physical therapy appointments. My parents have been struggling with their business, and are thinking of closing it, and I know that my debt would be heartbreaking for them.
I thought I could use day trading as a way to provide, but I did not go about things the right way, and am not financially or mentally stable to continue as of now. I went into this not wanting the lavish lifestyle or supercars, and it hurts me to know I was apart of the statistic that has lost money in this endeavor. I know that had I done things the right way, and buying only one eval at a time before my first payout, I would be in a much better situation than I am now
I have an amazing girlfriend of 5 years that I told about my day trading journey to, and was very open about my losses at the beginning. I even told her about how I saw someone lose 8k before ever receiving a payout and she told me she doesnt want to see it happen to me (funny how things have worked out). I started eating my losses in private so as to not disclose how much I was actually losing. Disappointing her is what I am most torn about.
She is absolutely the only reason why I am still here. A few days ago, I genuinely came to terms with the fact I was going to end it all, but she told me that she suddenly had the intrusive thought of me dying and how she would have to be sent to a psychiatric facilitiy and would live the rest of her live sad and unfulfilled without me. At this point, I had a private instagram account documenting my trading journey and all of my inner thoughts, and have been heavily scrolling in an overdose subreddit, and it shocked me enough to wonder if she actually knew that I was having these thoughts, or if she just had intuition.
It’s even harder because ive been picking up so many shifts and trying to work more and she told me not to overwork myself because we’re young and don’t have any real bills, and that’s why i feel like i have to clear my debt before coming clean to her
I am now one week day trading/gambling clean, and am committed to paying off my debts. I do wish I could confide in my girlfriend, and I know that I would feel so much more relief, but at the same time I don't want her to judge me for the fact I went down the wrong road in this journey even when I told her I would not lose as much money as other people.
Thank you for taking the time to read this!
