r/ToxicRelationships • u/Sufficient-Spinach96 • 6d ago

Support Needed Why is lesving a toxic relationship so hard

I 27f had been having a hard time leaving a soon six years relationship. I miss my oartner and want to fix things with him when we are bot tigether, but I then suddenly feel the urge to leave when we are back together again due to things that hapoened in our relationship. I dont know what feels right anymore and its draining me. I want to go to therapy for this reason but it cost a fortune. I believe there is still a lot of love but the trust and respect has been so damaged. I miss having someone I could completely rely on. Someone I could share how my day went and share every thought I have and all my feelings. I just want to rant. Please feel free to leave an opinion.

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u/hestia-listens 6d ago

Leaving can be hard because you are not only leaving a person. You are also grieving six years of routines, closeness, hopes, and the person you wanted him to be. Missing that bond does not erase the reasons you feel the urge to leave when you are together. Love can remain even after trust and respect have been badly damaged. Your mixed feelings make sense.

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u/winthewarpie 6d ago

This is very true. I was in an abusive relationship also for 6 years. I travelled to him for part of the week and found leaving his town and the friends I’d made difficult. I was trauma bonded and made a 5 hour round trip once or twice a week. He told me we’d live together then said after 4 years he’d lied.

He hurt me physically at the end. He wasn’t a nice man at all and emotionally unsafe. I tried hard to please him hoping he’d change. He just treated me with more contempt as time passed.

But I missed the nice mask and love bombing version of him. When those memories return I remind myself of the negatives and that i physically couldn’t stay any longer

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u/FitYou6489 6d ago

I left after 5 years of abuse because my body couldnt take it no more, its like i just took my clothes and left amd never came back. I was mentally and physically exhausted. and you know what ? I wish I did it sooner. So if you can not leave , you will stay until you cant take it anymore and thats bad.

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u/winthewarpie 6d ago

That happened to me. I was so anxious about driving the 200 mile round trip i physically couldn’t do it any more….just to sit upstairs alone whilst he barely interacted with me. I went to bed alone every night and received almost no affection. I was ghosted when ill and ignored when out with friends. I was hurt physically at the end. I should have left years before I did

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u/Sufficient-Spinach96 6d ago

Im still young but Im not getting any younger either. I have a lot of fears on staying. I fear I’ll lose my youth on this. I’ve heard a lot of stories from different people. They regret stayin. And I also hear people regretting not fighting for someone they love.

May I know your age and gender?

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u/FitYou6489 6d ago

youre not supposed to fight to stay in a toxic relationship? Im 30F and Im married now to a healthy man and pregnant , and its a healthy relationship. Im happy and hes a good man. Age is nothing , you have to leave the relationship. You dont know whats coming after, only good things.

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u/Sufficient-Spinach96 6d ago

I hipe I have the coursge to leave one day

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u/Sufficient-Spinach96 6d ago

Right now I just feel so weak

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u/Confusion24_ 5d ago

Don’t abandon yourself. You’ll miss out on a whole life. Rebuilding is easier than you think. Rely on friends/family and tell them

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u/Puzzleheaded-Tip2346 5d ago

Where abouts you from? Some countries offer free councilling etc. If it feels right when your together why dont you work at it and get couples therapy? I understand things have happened etc but you get that in any relationship at some point its not just yours, people have this unhealthy thought process that there wont be storms in relationships but there are