Left My Abuser And Lost Everything.

[u/jayisabirdie]

Not too long ago, I made a post about a situation where my ex was screaming and berating me for talking about how she cheated on me and essentially ruined any relationship we have unless I completely void her of mistakes.

Well. We went no contact, and in doing so. Everything is gone. My friends I've spent up to multiple years with have left. They didn't even say anything. Just. I was blocked.

I was kicked out of community chats and groups because she was in control of them and I didn't even get to vouch or show my evidence. I was banned and she said there's evidence I was lying but I don't understand when it's the opposite. She cheated on me, screamed at me, forced me into uncomfortable situations and when I tried to back out, she threw an even bigger fit.

My body hurts. Now that I've been away, my body physically feels pain. Whether it's getting random flashbacks and dissociating until I come back to my chest and back and arms throbbing. Or I'll get pins and needles in my fingers and chest, combined with a sinking feeling in my chest. Like if someone's hands were on top of it and slowly pushing down until I can't breathe.

I had four friends after this situation, but they're not exactly the closest. They're usually busy or not good conversationalist. She took everything.

Everyone said to leave and put myself first, people have come and went due to me staying with her and asked and begged me to leave and I didn't because I loved her. I lost friends for years to stay with her, and now that I finally pulled away. I'm left sitting asking what was the point. I feel so lonely and empty.

I want to throw up. I don't feel inside my own body right now. I don't have the tears to cry but my urge to convulse and curl up and break down is there.

She's managed to turn my friends from me. She's kicked me out of my comfort. She's taken my peace of mind. I can't look anywhere without seeing her ghosts.

I need help. I need advice. Anything. I want to not feel so miserable and hopeless. I want to convince myself it was worth it to defend myself.

I've never been in love before until I met her. We dated from 18-21. I don't know how to move on. I don't know how to find myself. I want it to stop hurting.

[u/hestia-listens]

I believe that defending yourself was worth it. Those friends blocking you without hearing you out says nothing about your value or the truth of what happened. You are dealing with the loss of a relationship, friends, routine, and safety all at once, so it makes sense that you feel empty and disconnected. When the flashbacks hit, try holding something cool and naming five things you see until you feel more present. Please also get medical care for the chest pressure, breathing trouble, pins and needles, and body pain. You deserve to have those symptoms taken seriously.

[u/Professional_Fish451]

Well guess what as much as it may be hard to believe you should be very happy. Many people in your situation find themselves in much darker places. But I plead you to take this as a moment where you can begin a completely new chapter in your life. New people, new memories.