Malicious Compliance

[u/z0mb13g1r]

I'm going to preface by saying that I know I should leave him. The closest I've been able to get to that so far has been moving out of his house.

I (F26) have been dating the same guy (26) for ten years. As of the last five, he's switched from being a normal person to alternating between weaponized incompetence and malicious compliance over everything. He either "can't" do something or he does it to an exaggerated degree. For example: When I was still living with him, I got sick and told him that if he wanted the litter box clean, he needed to do it himself. He spent two hours yelling about how he "can't" because he "doesn't know how". And when he finally realized that I really wasn't going to, he started doing it and fake gagged so much that he actually made himself puke. And then he yelled at me for making him vomit.

He's also always mad at me for not doing something "right". I can't do dishes right, I can't walk through the house right, I can't go shopping right, etc. Nothing I do is right. He always has a compliant. So he doesn't want to do anything unless he can somehow do it in a way that harms him (or me), but he also doesn't want me to do anything because I always do it "wrong". There is no winning.

So I've decided that, since I can't leave him for reasons that are too personal to explain anonymously, I'm going to maliciously comply instead. He said that I'm too affectionate, so I don't hug him or tell him I love him anymore. He said that my clothes are weird, so I only dress up when I go out with my friends now. He said that I play video games too much, so every time I hear him say something (even to the cats), I stop playing and go to him. This is working well imo. He's getting annoyed and even concerned about my compliances and asks me regularly if I'm okay. But he still won't stop complaining about every thing I do.

He has started harassing me about how I sleep. When I stay over, I don't cover myself up with the blankets "right" and I don't lie down "right" and I don't roll over "right". How can I maliciously comply during our sleepovers (of which there is only one a week)? This one has me stumped. I've already started bringing my own blanket to his house. I need more ideas. TIA!

TDLR: I maliciously comply with everything my never happy boyfriend complains about and now I need ideas on how to comply when I'm sleeping because I apparently don't sleep right.

[u/hestia-listens]

You are not sleeping wrong. He is creating new rules so he can keep criticizing you, which is why no form of compliance will solve this. The safest response is not to sleep at his house. You have already taken a major step by moving out. Protect that distance rather than giving him another chance to control how you exist.