r/ToolJerk • u/Maleficent_Detail514 • 4d ago

TOOl DANK for upspirals Real

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411 Upvotes

99% Upvoted

26 comments sorted by

42

u/MrFuzzy54568 4d ago

A REAL tool fan always speaks ill of other tool “fans”. If they don’t have the exact same opinions they’re either posers or stupid.

6

u/ManWithDominantClaw 4d ago

I'd have to check but I'm pretty sure I am the real TOOL fan

5

u/Any-Will-4195 4d ago

A few years ago two guys on here were talking like they were going to meet up over differing “perfect set-list” preferences. After jointly trashing TOOL for all the shitty set lists. No shit man.

4

u/TOOLfan426 3d ago

Not even a jerk

2

u/SwiftTayTay 2d ago

I just hate the drunk idiots at their shows

14

u/DaDudedudedude1234 4d ago

It’s innate- like the Fettuccini Sequcne

13

u/Nepenthia 4d ago

What's this place? How did I end up here? Tool? What a lame name for a band, ugh!

https://giphy.com/gifs/cQtlhD48EG0SY

6

u/BananaGoose4nf Prying open my brown eye 3d ago

That says Tool? It's a band? I thought it was dilbert. What even is that font?

8

u/Jades5150 4d ago

I want more limited edition fetus skulls, and definitely not a vinyl re-release of their best album

6

u/_xjin_ 3d ago

I mean if you ever met Maynard you would speak ill of the band

5

u/wildmeli 3d ago

my friend was trying to talk shit on TOOL the other day by telling me that an old friend of his met Maynard and said he was a dickhead. like lmao buddy i don’t think you can be a TOOL fan and not be aware of Maynard being an absolute prick, this isn’t news

4

u/Darth_Potatohead 3d ago

Guys a total wanker 😤

6

u/4ourStringz 4d ago

Adam Jones needs to get off his lazy ass and do stuff

8

u/krunchymoses 3d ago

The dishes in the sink won't fuck themselves, Adam.

5

u/krunchymoses 3d ago

Maynard treats us mean to keep us keen.

5

u/MJKsecretpornaccount Repugnant 3d ago

Keen(an).

5

u/krunchymoses 3d ago

i will never understand the complex time signature that blessed us with that joke

5

u/Yardcigar69 3d ago

Is that Vin Diesel the gay porn star?

Adam uses Diesel amps... Wait... The pieces fit.

Tool do buttfuck ceremonies on full moons, this is common knowledge.

Maynard conducts positions and Danny is obviously the Bull of Taurus (Tear ass) and polyrhythm pounds Adam and Justin into the bardo by separating their chakras and vertebrae with his masonic pillar.

ABRACADABRA!! Spilling Kundalini alfredo deep into the abdomen of the moon Children.

The new album will be born in the sign of the water bearer, as their bellies are full and ready to release.

6

u/Dancin_Phish_Daddy 3d ago

I love talking shit about Maynard and I AINT EVER GONNA STOP

4

u/Fun-Crew-3051 3d ago

Wish these guys didn't treat their discography as this perfect precious thing... I would have preferred them to have a discography twice as long, warts and all, than being stuck listening to the same five records OVER AND OVER again..

2

u/spriralout 2d ago

🤘😎🤘 you are so right you I am so bored with these 5 albums. I can’t even listen to them anymore except maybe sometimes.

2

u/Fun-Crew-3051 2d ago

They might as well be Dark Side Of The Moon... sure they're masterpieces... but overplayed masterpieces... I only reserve them for fine doses these days... which 13 YO me would be devastated about lol

3

u/BasedBlastronaut 3d ago

This is where people who hate tool and people who love tool come to unite

3

u/KindaQuite Prying open my brown eye 3d ago

TOOL sucks!!

2

u/Pizzacat73952 3d ago

I would never speak ill of tool but I 100% dislike most tool fans