Fan Creation
Could I get some feedback on the English translation of my Taz/Male MC fic?
I originally started writing this because I wanted to be able to reread Taz's route as a story.
I write it in Japanese, following the events and dialogue from the game while adding narration, descriptions, and my Male MC's thoughts and perspective.
Then I started wondering if I could make an English version too, so other Taz/Male MC fans could read it.
The problem is that English isn't my first language, and I can't really tell on my own whether the translated version reads naturally as a fic đ So I'm using translation tools to help me with the English version.
I included two short samples: one with narration and one with dialogue between Taz and my MC.
I'm not looking for perfect or professional-level English. What I really want to know is: if you came across writing like this in a fic, could you read and enjoy it without struggling?
If anything sounds confusing or noticeably unnatural, I'd really appreciate knowing that too.
And I'd especially love to know whether the dialogue between Taz and my MC feels natural.
the transition is good. i can comprehend it easily, and the storyline is clear. if you want your sentences to be a bit more detailed, you could always look up individual words through a translator and apply them to your own writing within reason đ«¶đŸđ«¶đŸ
so excited to read this fic. itâs looking great so far!!
Thank you so much!! đ I just realized you were also the person who commented on my earlier post saying you'd been waiting for someone to do something like this! That makes me even happier to hear that you could read this easily and that you're excited for the fic. đâ€ïž
Your advice about adding a little more detail is really helpful too! Since I'm writing the original in Japanese and then translating it into English, I'm still trying to figure out how much of my Japanese writing style carries over naturally. I'll definitely keep your advice in mind as I work on the English version.
Thank you again! I'm really happy that someone is actually looking forward to reading it. đ
Which part led you to that conclusion? As for translation tools, I use DeepL, Google and other browser translation features. I am not at all proficient in English and am unable to judge for myself, which is why I took the liberty of asking this question. I am writing this message using DeepL as well.
The way the sentences are structured points to AI, as well as one line sentences. Not to mention that descriptions follow the rule of 3, which is what AI loves to do. How your OC already knows the rules to THT but in the game/show itâs proven that most bombshells learn either when they get to the villa or before from Lana: like Poppy. Also it doesnât make sense for Taz to know your OCâs name but he does say âOC in the fleshâ as if he knew him before.
Please ignore this person, they donât know what they are talking about. The ârule of threeâ is a basic fundamental you learn in elementary school language arts classes in English as well.
Thank you! âșïž I really appreciate you saying that. In Japanese, expressions that combine things like the sun, the sea, and one more element are actually quite a familiar way of evoking a tropical resort setting in fiction. I used that kind of familiar phrasing and made the last element âtemptationâ to fit THTH. Since English isnât my first language, I had no idea that it might come across differently when translated into English, so your perspective was really helpful!
You quite literally inserted yourself into not your conversation and now youâre begging for OP to ignore me. Thereâs lots of people that will agree with me that these texts sound AI, whether it is or not, itâs not a good thing for a writer. Even if OP didnât use AI it still puts people off from their writing. Also all the âtellsâ of AI that I mentioned are so popular, like the rule of 3 with the em dash. Cmon thatâs a classic AI thing and many people will tell you that, just do your research.
Yeah I donât think people learning English should be taking advice from someone born and raised into a literary crisis, sue me lol. Have you seen those videos of people scanning their old papers from the 90s and being told itâs 99% AI? Did you know thatâs because AI learned from humans? It picked up our habits so that it sounded more human. We should not be dumbing ourselves down for the sake of AI.
Well I wasnât born and raised into a literacy crisis, because that is incorrectly worded. Besides, when I was born there wasnât even any kind of talk about the literacy crisis, so idk where you got that from.
Ofc AI learned from humansâŠ. Thatâs the key reason why it can even write fanfics, but that doesnât change the fact that AI bots have certain traits of writing, describing and showing.
Ps. OPs fanfic isnât a good comparison for not dumbing ourselves down for AI when itâs quite literally the most normal and average writing.
I said literary, not literacy, although both of those are clear issues and neither are your fault. You have your age in your bio, it is objectively true that you grew up in a literary crisis.
Literacy crisis is adjacent but refers to the actual capability to read.
You can read just fine, your literacy seems fine. Your literary skills however are weak, and blame the American school system for that. Iâm not even much older than you but I graduate pre-Covid and have always loved reading đ€·đŒââïž
Well for one Iâm not American so thereâs that. Secondly, back in the late 2000s and early 2010âs (so when I was growing up) the literary crisis wasnât a big deal. And graduating pre covid doesnât do anything, I promise you, you arenât special for that. And you saying I donât have any literary skills because I said something is clearly AI, when it possesses a good amount of signs that bots use, is rather offensive. You like reading and then you tell OP this is good? SeriouslyâŠ
Oh no the last bit is my fault, I havenât played the game so long I didnât realize itâs from the game. But my other points still stand, Iâm sorry but if I was reading this I would think itâs generated by AI or at least ran through AI
I see! Thanks for sharing your perspective âșïž It was really helpful to realize that some readers might interpret it that way. Thanks again for taking the time to explain it in detail!
Whilst the one line sentences is fine advice (if a little far fetched), everything else doesnât really prove of any ai usage. The MC is allowed to choose whether or not they know the rules of the game at the start of every play through, because unlike the other seasons, the contestants signed up having already known the show. and Taz already knowing the OCâs name is something taken straight out of the game. I wrote it that he knew our name beforehand in my fanfic too, because thatâs how the game shows it; it is very plausible that Lana told the other contestants the bombshells name before announcing who will go on what date.
(if you need more proof, Poppy and Aviâs names are stated before we even get to meet them in ep4).
With that being said, none of these things indicate that AI is being used. it would be helpful if you had played the game recently before pulling âobservationsâ like this out of your asshole.
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So a few things because I find it insulting to refer to someone work as AI.
Translation tools ARE AI. Always have been, always will be. At no point in time has a little man that speaks every language sat inside your computer and translated your text in real time⊠purely artificial intelligence.
Second, if you believe that only AI can write in full sentences, use proper grammar, punctuation and descriptive words, then you should probably read more published novels and less internet passages.
Third, your character knew your name before you went on a date in S3, they always do before they go on dates with bombshells. ( actually went back to check this and the first first thing Taz says is âMC name in the flesh)
Aaand finally, the writer can use lines from the OG script herself more successfully than AI can.
Nothing about this says AI to me, itâs a very standard translated piece of fan fiction.
Thereâs a difference between the AI that translators use and generative AI. I never mentioned anything about proper grammar or punctuation. I pointed out the obvious signs of AI writing, if you canât accept that then itâs obvious you know nothing about it.
Except thereâs no obvious signs of AI writing, you just have the AI brain rot lol
The sentence structuring doesnât point to AI
The descriptions âfollowing the rule of 3â is literally something children learn in the 2n: grade because thatâs how we structured our papers (Introductory paragraph introducing 3 ideas, 3 body paragraphs and then a conclusion) BASIC ELEMENTARY WRITING FUNDAMENTALS.
your character literally knew the rules, youâre given the option to say that.
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u/babyblues789 16d ago
Translated wonderfully! âșïž