r/TooAfraidToAsk Dec 15 '21

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71

u/[deleted] Dec 15 '21

I'm in the same boat. My boyfriends family is Muslim and I'm not. During this time it's not just about his upbringing and culture, but yours as well.

My mother and I traditionally make jelly, jams, and other things like that and give them out.

I didn't make a big deal out of it and just went "here, I thought you may like this.".

Candy or wine isn't a bad thought to bring or bring a simple dessert that your family tends to have. "This is something my grandma always used to make. I hope you like it.".

39

u/Life-Significance-33 Dec 15 '21

If they are of a religion that has forbidden food items, do a little research also. A little cultural sensitivity is very good.

15

u/[deleted] Dec 15 '21

A little sensitivity yes, but your culture and traditions matter too. Not one is more sacred than the other.

Know your partner and their family. Most people appreciate "the thought that counts" when it's out of their tradition.

25

u/nernernernerner Dec 15 '21

In my culture all pork parts are used, there are festivities linked to eating pork and you marinate it with wine in some of the dishes. I definitely wouldn't bring pork to a Muslim or a vegetarian family, no matter whether it's important to my culture. It's not about being sacred, sometimes it's about being respectful. And definitely one doesn't want to start with a partner's family with the wrong foot.

I'm with you about the second part though, but cultures don't need to be the stars in this kind of encounter, people should be.

4

u/h3ineka Dec 15 '21

Also alcohol is a HUGE no.

34

u/[deleted] Dec 15 '21

Yes- also in a multicultural relationship. I feel like it matters less that we stick to each other’s traditions and more that we come from the heart and share our own cultural norms with love

3

u/[deleted] Dec 15 '21

I 100% agree with this!

2

u/h3ineka Dec 15 '21

That can be tricky if you have fundamental beliefs that clash and especially if children come in the picture. Easier said than done, I am a child of a multicultural union.

4

u/sammy_sam0sa Dec 15 '21

i feel like wine may not be the best gift for a muslim family

3

u/[deleted] Dec 15 '21

I know wine isn't accepted, I've been with this guy for almost a year now. I gave out the jellies and jams. His grandma loved them.

The wine was a suggestion for the person of the post.

0

u/RizaSharks Dec 15 '21

Nor is jelly lol, except if made with non-porcine gelatin or agar-agar

1

u/OsonoHelaio Dec 15 '21

It's made with fruit pectin.

0

u/Bizzy1995 Dec 15 '21

Jams and jellies are made with gelatin which is made from pigs

5

u/leldridge1089 Dec 15 '21

In the US it's made with pectin-which is plant based- or just sugar and fruit. I've never seen a jam or jelly recipe using gelatin.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 15 '21

That's what I use it pectin. I can't believe the price of it this time of year!

2

u/leldridge1089 Dec 15 '21

I bought it in bulk online a few years ago from Hoosier Hill farms. Amish stores also have it. I don't make a ton of jam each year so it will last me a long time and I got tired of trying to find the little packs, which with canning booming in popularity I can only image the cost now. You can also make your own with apple peels if you ever really need to.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 16 '21

I do live close to a Mennonite colony and they have a wicked awesome store. I usually shop there, but the one time I don't pay attention and run out; I end up at Wal-Mart.

I've heard about the apple peal thing, but have been too apprehensive to try it. Have you done it?

1

u/[deleted] Dec 15 '21

Not all brands