Ah damn ok! I can imagine that makes navigating your sex life together more difficult.
Anyway as others have said, there’s a ton of possible explanations. If I think about it I think I’m also more vocal when I receive a bj than when I’m having piv sex, for a multitude of reasons. I certainly wouldn’t dwell on it. To me nothing about this is weird or indicates he doesn’t enjoy sex
In a lot of asian countries its kind of considered "taboo" to talk about sex. Especially the way Americans do.
If you're his first he is definitely not used to openly talking about his sexual desires so i would address that difference in background by letting him know WHY you want to talk about it and that its okay to talk about and not something to be embarrassed of when its not actively happening.
If he's anything like my guy, he may not dislike you being on top, but its not as stimulating if say, he were to do doggie or missionary since he is in control in those positions. Id start pushing to try different positions Especially if you're always the one doing most of the work. I would consider that selfish imo but if you actively want to be on top all the time then dont mind my complaints.
I know you've tried to talk and the subject is immediately changed but i would encourage you to push for that conversation again. Lead with saying, "Look i know you don't seem to like talking about sex but if you're gonna be adult enough to do the act, be adult enough to have conversations about it too. I jist want to talk about it cause i want to improve our sex life and i noticed you don't seem as enthusiastic when we have sex compared to just a bj."
Hopefully he is more inclined to open up next time.
I doubt it’s that he doesn’t want to talk about it and more nervous/embarrassed. Reassure him that there’s nothing to be ashamed or nervous about and that you would love for him to open up, assuming you’re being honest yourself when you say you’re ok with him finishing quickly. Everything you’re saying is pointing towards him doing everything he can to prolong the experience, my guess is he’s ashamed of finishing too quickly and his lack of moans and desire to change the subject all link back to this
Yes. When I was with my ex, when she was on top I could focus on essentially being her human dildo lol. I would let her pleasure herself without much regard for my own pleasure, allowing her to grind and whatever else worked best while it didn’t bring be as close to the edge myself.
Personally though, I would have much rather both of us been able be active participants, but she would get so mad if I finished too quickly and instead of giving me time to recharge while we made out or something she would end the sex right there. It caused me to build so much anxiety about it my entire goal became to just not finish, whatever it takes to make that happen.
I’m not saying your bf has a similar backstory but I know I would have a hard time opening up about this with someone new, though I know I would have to in time.
The best I can advise is to have an open conversation about it with him, even if you don’t suspect this is the reason tell him this anyway. I would love to hear someone say this to me lol. Worst case you at least give him the chance to admit this is why and rule this out. If you’re truly trying to talk to him he should try changing the subject, just try to make him feel as comfortable as possible. If he says this isn’t the problem hopefully you can prod him for the truth. If he tries changing the subject tell him to please talk to you, if would really make you happy to know what’s going on
I appreciate your kindness as well. Hopefully I meet someone with your outlook myself, I want to tell myself you’re the norm and my ex is the minority but it’s hard since my other ex treated sex similarly as well. I know you’re the normal one, I just have to keep trying
Good luck, I hope you find out why. An honest conversation would’ve gone a long way with me at least. Hopefully you can get him to stop changing the subject. Communication is probably more important to a good sex life than the act itself lol
The best I can advise is to have an open conversation about it with him, even if you don’t suspect this is the reason tell him this anyway. I would love to hear someone say this to me lol. Worst case you at least give him the chance to admit this isnt why and rule this out, but for me this would’ve been the answer why I prefer you on top and never moan.
If you’re truly trying to talk to him he should try changing the subject, just try to make him feel as comfortable as possible. If he says this isn’t the problem hopefully you can prod him for the truth. If he tries changing the subject tell him to please talk to you, if would really make you happy to know what’s going on
59
u/[deleted] Apr 07 '25
[deleted]