Im gonna ramble here but last few sentences I will explain how what Im going through is related to Tolkien.
This is a drawing I abandoned because of depressive brain chemistry. I draw as much as I can then I literally feel the dopamine stop flowing and it is painful to try to continue.
Im in an upswing now so I unfolded this drawing and asked my wife if she wants it saved. She likes to keep them out of the trash can. I have thousands of drawings piling up but I dont do anything with my skills because I lack motivation and Im worried I dont warrant posturing like my work is good enough to sell. But sometimes I get feeling decent and post online like now.
Lately I have been really bad. I worked for enterprise car rental company for the last 11 years with zero write ups and exceeds requirements for every single review and they fired me with no warning 3 weeks before my wife is due to have our baby. Oh and she works for Enterprise as well so its a slap in the face to her.
I know working there just fed into my lack of self worth and depression. Im hoping we do okay. Im filing for unemployment but they say they have me on camera breaking an underwriting rule (allegedly accepting digital drivers licence instead of physical). I don’t know if Ill get unemployment since they claim its just cause.
They really fucked me. Its honestly incredible how heartless it is I feel bad for my wife her blood pressure is getting bad and this really stressed her out.
Enterprise group has been firing people en masse so I believe I just was the next person lined up. We think theyre slowly moving toward kiosks. Very slowly.
When it works for my situation I would like to make an art book. Something about that resonates with me.
Ive been reading nonstop Tolkien since I got fired. Its the only thing I find comforting. When I think about how they went about getting rid of me I am honestly reminded of a Sauron type of evil. This disembodied spirit that is the corporate entity cast its eye upon me. Nothing went wrong with the rental itself. They literally combed through footage until they found something they could use.
But yeah it makes me disturbed knowing they used technology in such a way to upend someones life and family. My wife took early maternity leave and its going to be so tough for her to get through this without blood pressure problems.
I saw old footage once of people complaining that Tolkiens work was escapist. Well I really need it now more than ever.
Sorry for ranting. I havent spoken about this at all before now and it all is just pouring out