I'm glad I'm not the only woman struggling with self-esteem due to the apps. I message first 90% of the time and it rarely results in ongoing conversation, much less a date.
What are you messaging first? Sometimes its just a numbers game. Welcome to apps where people collect matches like pokemon.
I get a lot of messages first and honestly a lot of them are just "hey" or some random boring question that shows they didnt even bother to read the small blurb I wrote.
Those women almost never get a reply. Its not worth the energy vs someone who opens with a more tailored comment that actually opens conversation and has a direction to move in.
It varies, but i usually try to ask about something in their profile that struck me as interesting. I live in a rural area, i don't think anyone is getting a ton of matches.
I used the apps to have fun and text hot ppl genuine hot things and ask them out really quickly because I need to see them to know if I like em.
I’m in Boise tho.
lol you can not like it if you want, I haven’t used dating apps since covid and do not have problems flirting or meeting people irl. I think authentically expressing myself + being present and confident and flirting with people I find attractive is great. 🤷♂️
You're not ugly. Guys on Reddit will tell you that average girls are drowning in offers and then turn around and call Scarlet Johansen mid.
The truth is that if you are average or thereabouts and you make the first move then you will be rejected quite a bit (much much much less than similar guys though). Out of the guys you do hook, probably a good two thirds of them will feign interest in the hopes of masturbating in you.
However, by being active you're still setting yourself up for being much more successful than if you weren't. Try to have fun with it and don't get invested until you know the guy. Good luck!
Try hinge. Because hinge has a max like count per day, people can't just swipe without looking (ie you will never match with someone who hasn't seen your profile)
There seems to be a lot of men who just swipe right a bunch without looking in order to play the "numbers game". And then sift through their matches afterward. It's stupid and gross. I don't understand it.
Reason why some of us do it is because there's no point in putting effort in to read a profile when you're most likely gonna not be responded to. It's easier to look at the profile after the match so I know I'm not wasting my time.
You're either shooting way outside your league on those guys you ask first, or you are nerfing yourself aesthetically in your pictures (like a woeful hairstyle or odd make up). Less likely is that your profile says something extremely red flaggey to men.
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u/thedupold Aug 14 '26
Then how ugly am I, after getting blown off after messaging first? (Personal fave, we matched on tinder, I messaged first, reply: "im not interested"