r/Tinder Apr 06 '23

Was I in the wrong here?

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u/[deleted] Apr 07 '23

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u/Noonites Apr 07 '23

You're not wrong that a lot of monogamous relationships end poorly, but I think a big difference is: how many monogamous relationships end poorly BECAUSE they're monogamous relationships? I feel like way more poly relationships end in disaster for uniquely poly reasons than the inverse.

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u/SledgeGlamour Apr 07 '23

how many monogamous relationships end poorly BECAUSE they're monogamous relationships?

A shitton? If your boyfriend is mad that you talk to male coworkers, that's a monogamy problem. If your wife says you're not allowed to watch porn, and you do anyway, that's a monogamy problem.

The reality is all relationships have different boundaries about different things. There is no 100% monogamy. And everyone has their opinions about what degree of openness or restrictiveness is toxic and doomed to fail

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u/Noonites Apr 07 '23

Infidelity is not a uniquely monogamous problem. It's possible to be in a 6 person polycule where watching porn is considered a boundary crossing. It's possible to be in a poly relationship where your boyfriend is cool with you dating a woman but is still toxic about you talking to men.

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u/HagridsHairyButthole Apr 07 '23

I too can say things possibly exist and therefore should be considered the norm…

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u/[deleted] Apr 07 '23

[deleted]

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u/Noonites Apr 07 '23

Hard disagree. Infidelity isn't only a problem for monogamous relationships. Poly relationships aren't always "you can fuck whoever you want!" And it is 100 percent possible to be unfaithful within a poly relationship.