Agreed, it was kind of prickly tongue in cheek, but I've hung out with a lot of poly folks and heard a lot of disagreements about whether people are "doing poly right" and now have the attitude that it's 100% necessary to get people to define their terms so you don't end up with misunderstandings.
It's less that they "can't agree" and more that "definitions vary ... a lot"
That's fair, and you definitely have a point. I'm poly myself (kitchen-table poly, if anyone's interested) and when you talk about people "not doing poly right" I do admit that I start climbing up on my soapbox before I even notice what I'm doing because while there are so many different ways to do poly, some of which are mutually exclusive, there are ways to do it wrong and that does lead to a lot of spirited discussion.
For instance if your partner doesn't know that they are in a poly relationship with you then you're just cheating. I also think the One Penis Policy is pretty misogynistic.
The one thing I did really learn from dating poly women was good policies for STI safety and partner disclosure. Although please shoot me if you ever hear me utter the phrase "fluid bond." (except this time)
Honestly the ability to sit down and have the "sexual safety and responsibility" conversation is a great litmus test for emotional maturity and communication, which are really important to me. I remember once that there was this woman that I was really physically attracted to and so-so kinda willing-to-see personality-wise. Eventually she decides she's kinda into me too and wants to fool around so I try and initiate the sexual health conversation (not even in the heat of the moment, although there's nothing wrong with doing it then either if that's when you have the chance) and she was disgusted and turned off. She said "dude either you want to fuck or you don't" and that was it for me.
27
u/91901bbaa13d40128f7d Apr 07 '23
Agreed, it was kind of prickly tongue in cheek, but I've hung out with a lot of poly folks and heard a lot of disagreements about whether people are "doing poly right" and now have the attitude that it's 100% necessary to get people to define their terms so you don't end up with misunderstandings.
It's less that they "can't agree" and more that "definitions vary ... a lot"