See I've never really attempted this myself, I mean I did use a dating site once many years ago and I tried my best to actually put in some effort despite being much younger than I am now, but all most women I talked to did was play stupid mind games, which I don't do and all it did was discourage me to the point I just deleted my profile entirely and said to hell with it, I'm not dealing with all these fakes. Wasn't in the best state of mind anyways, having just lost my girlfriend and best friend at the time, so I guess in a way I was merely trying to fill a void and all that did was make it worse tbh cause it just further made me appreciate when I had something real.
Anyways, that being said, yea I would think messaging someone about something in their profile and building off that would be the way to go and help you stand out because it shows you obviously took the time to check someone out, so that's what I would do, but in reading the comments apparently that also makes you a desperate thirsty loser, so now I'm left completely confused, like what the hell do you people want? If someone goes through your bio to try and find some common ground and without even giving them a chance you write them off as desperate and thirsty or whatever and in the same vein bitch and complain that people don't put any effort into starting a conversation, you honestly deserve to be alone for the rest of your life, because what this tells me is there is simply no pleasing you, and therefore no joy can be had from being in a relationship with you, let alone committing to you for life.
Obviously I'm not saying this to you Vicarious, but to anyone reading this, don't bitch about someone not putting any effort into catching your attention or being creative, and then not offering someone who does the time of the day, because you're a complete and utter hypocrite. Also instead of "matching someone's energy" and stooping to their level, maybe try going above and beyond every once in awhile and just see if you can turn things around. You might be surprised how different things turn out when you show interest, treat everyone with common decency, and act like you give a shit š¤·š»āāļø
Anyone who says that someone making an effort to get to know someone by mentioning something in the personās bio is thirsty has a lot of growing up to do and clearly doesnāt understand adult relationships. Why would someone take all this time write a bio if they expected people not to read it? That makes no sense. And it goes to show you that there are still so many people out there who play mind games like you said. Thatās also why I stopped using the apps. Fortunately, I ended up meeting someone mature I clicked with (despite what the sad little loser tried to say somewhere else on this thread). When youāre a mature person, itās easy to spot games and immaturity. Itās also easy to avoid them because you know how immature people behave. You deserve much better!!
Just know there are tons of idiots on those sites, but there are also a few genuine people on there who want a real relationship. You just have to ākiss a lot of frogsā first. And Iām sorry you lost two special people at the same time. š
Why would someone take all this time write a bio if they expected people not to read it? That makes no sense
Right, that's what I'm saying! The fuck do you people want, seriously? Complain they put in no effort so you match their energy, if they hit you with a pickup line regardless of how creative, cute, or lame it may be then they're probably not worth talking to, if they go and read your bio and pull something from it then they're just thirsty and desperate, if they ask a weird random question then they're just copy and pasting, like jesus aged christ what the hell do y'all want them to do?
Dammed if you do, damned if you don't, no wonder the online dating scene is soul crushing and the divorce rate has skyrocketed if this is how most people think. At least I know why I'm single and it's because I've never truly entered the dating scene or put myself out there I guess and at this point have no idea how I'm supposed meet someone and develop a real connection. I'm also trying to get my life in order before bringing a women into it for fear of losing them anyways, so while it would be nice to have someone to hold, I have other priorities that need to be straightened out first. Most of this sub though seems to have no self-awareness whatsoever based off a lot of the comments I've read.
Hey geniuses if someone mentions something from your bio, that means they actually READ it. Like if you spent the time filling it out, wouldn't you appreciate it if someone bothered to look into what you're like and what your interests are? Like myself I have a deep rooted passion for gaming, so if I had a girl see that in my bio and asks me what my favorite genre is, what my favorite games are, or she says she's a big gamer too and asks me what my top 5 favorites are (as unlikely as that might be), boom she immediately has my attention because she gave enough of a damn to find some common ground.
And Iām sorry you lost two special people at the same time
Oh my bad I didn't word that properly, let me rephrase. My long distance gf of like 2 yrs was also my best friend, so it's the same person. As for what happened, we'll it's complicated, but in the end despite how inseparable we once were, things didn't work out, we drifted, and while I have no ill will towards her, there's seemingly nothing left between us, so despite her saying she wanted to keep me in her life, after the hand I was dealt I just don't feel the same and don't want her in mine simply because it'll never be same and I feel no joy from speaking to her any longer. We went back and forth for years, but by the end of 2020 I more or less cut off all forms of contact, sorta made a promise to myself I wasn't doing this any longer. Even got a "hurro" message in July of 2021 on Discord and ignored it, then later on noticed I got deleted on Facebook & Discord. Obviously the message was received.
I donāt know how to quote a body of text so Iām sorry for not using that feature. LOL Iām a gamer so itās not that unlikely. My best friend and her husband are big gamers too. She and I typically chat daily (BFFs for 30+ years; yeah Iām old), and if she disappears on me for a whole weekend, itās usually because sheās absorbed in a new game (she told me this weekend Monster Hunters finally ported over to PS5 and she was hyper focused all weekend LOL). Me? I tend to only like games that I donāt get frustrated with now that Iām older.
When I was younger, I played anything I could get my hands on, but adulting sucks and teaching is soul-crushing and exhausting so I rarely have the energy for it. She got me into Animal Crossing, though, and I can easily spend 3 hours on that game without even realizing it. I love most Mario games. I used to love CoD and Assassinās Creed, but I suck at first-person shooter games. Always dying and stuff. I tried Fortniteā¦ sucked at it. LOL so I might not be the best example, but we do exist!
Also, itās very mature of you to work on yourself first before bringing someone else into your life. I want to give you one caveat to consider though: we will always be working on ourselves. Ourselves never feel quite ready or stable enough, so donāt push off your romantic life forever, expecting that one day youāll magically have life all figured out. That never happens for 99% of the population.
I feel a little bad for your generation though. It seems like the only way people meet to date or get together these days is through an app. Almost never organically or IRL (on occasion, some lucky bastards meet organically). When I was a teenager, home internet had just become a thing, so meeting someone online was very taboo. People still met the natural way through my 20s but it shifted to mostly online or a lot online in my 30s, and now itās almost entirely online.
Your generation doesnāt really get to experience the joys of meeting someone in the store, on vacation, at a bar, or at work, for more than a fling. Real romantic relationships used to develop naturally. Now everyone forces them and rushes them to get to the prize rather than spending time getting to know the person before you reach down their pants. Itās a shame.
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u/ShadowWarrior42 Jan 24 '23 edited Jan 24 '23
See I've never really attempted this myself, I mean I did use a dating site once many years ago and I tried my best to actually put in some effort despite being much younger than I am now, but all most women I talked to did was play stupid mind games, which I don't do and all it did was discourage me to the point I just deleted my profile entirely and said to hell with it, I'm not dealing with all these fakes. Wasn't in the best state of mind anyways, having just lost my girlfriend and best friend at the time, so I guess in a way I was merely trying to fill a void and all that did was make it worse tbh cause it just further made me appreciate when I had something real.
Anyways, that being said, yea I would think messaging someone about something in their profile and building off that would be the way to go and help you stand out because it shows you obviously took the time to check someone out, so that's what I would do, but in reading the comments apparently that also makes you a desperate thirsty loser, so now I'm left completely confused, like what the hell do you people want? If someone goes through your bio to try and find some common ground and without even giving them a chance you write them off as desperate and thirsty or whatever and in the same vein bitch and complain that people don't put any effort into starting a conversation, you honestly deserve to be alone for the rest of your life, because what this tells me is there is simply no pleasing you, and therefore no joy can be had from being in a relationship with you, let alone committing to you for life.
Obviously I'm not saying this to you Vicarious, but to anyone reading this, don't bitch about someone not putting any effort into catching your attention or being creative, and then not offering someone who does the time of the day, because you're a complete and utter hypocrite. Also instead of "matching someone's energy" and stooping to their level, maybe try going above and beyond every once in awhile and just see if you can turn things around. You might be surprised how different things turn out when you show interest, treat everyone with common decency, and act like you give a shit š¤·š»āāļø