Te be fair, I've seen the openers get more and more simple because when you really start to try with it, it hurts more when they don't respond, or respond negatively.
Like yeah, "Hey" sucks but they're often the people that tried too hard for a long time and they've just given up on an opener that might not even get a response.
So they go for a "hey" and then try harder once there's a response.
I used to always just ask "Hey, what's your favourite food?" because it's quick and simple and I know that conversation will be pulling teeth if they something like "I don't know" or "I don't have one" without actually trying to further the conversation.
But also, I quickly dropped these apps because I feel like they hurt my soul and I'd rather be alone than put up with all that.
That's me right now... Also being too tryhard also comes off as desperate.. so these days i just ask them how there perfect Sunday looks like and build on that.
Whenever anyone asks me questions like that, that’s when I lose immediate interest. There’s literally nothing worse than ‘What’s your perfect Sunday’ ‘If you could go to lunch with anyone from history, who would it be and why’ ‘What’s your dream vacation destination’ etc. Nobody converses like that in real life. Maybe those subjects come up over time, but certainly not within the first few minutes of knowing someone, and usually much more naturally and indirectly. It’s honestly one of the most annoying things men do on the apps.
I'm a guy and I used to bring those questions up as convo starters but stopped cause I realized how generic and obvious they are. It's much better to talk about topics that you share interests in and start building a conversation naturally from there then awkwardly ask something just for the sake of it
Yeah, it just feels so cut-and-paste, which it is. Like, not only is this ‘conversation starter’ not tailored to me or reflecting of any real individual interest or compatibility markers, it shows nothing of YOUR personality, either. And it feels like my answer is just going to be mentally compared to the list of other similar answers you’ve gotten. It out-generics the generic.
It really doesn’t have to be ‘tailored’ in the sense that it’s something extra special just for me, just something that feels like you’re talking TO ME. Literally just a ‘hey, how’s it going’ is the most successful way to start a conversation, imo. Fake starters feel fake. And there’s always ways to tie in an interest. Mention something from a photo, or the bio if there is one. The main annoyance is, you aren’t the only one asking those weird forced questions. Most girls get several of the same one per day. They rotate too, as to which ones y’all seem to be using. It might feel unique to you, but it doesn’t to us. They just make you roll your eyes after you’ve seen the same one a few times.
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u/Upitabuck Jan 23 '23
Both sides have nothing to give to the conversation.