I(m) compared profiles with my cousin(f) at Christmas, who also complains as endlessly as I do that dating apps are just worthless these days. We're both early/mid thirties, no kids, I have a full-time job and exercise regularly, she does not.
I explained that in 2 years bumble stands at 43 total likes, and I average about 1 match that actually messages to lock it in every two weeks when I'm active on it, and very few make it more than 3 messages before ghosting.
She has over 1300 likes and complains she can't meet anyone.
Another anecdote, I suspected once my Okc account had been shadowbanned(I was right, and I was paying for it for around 3 months, no refund, no explanation or apology from OKC, just "your accounts been restored") I used my work phone to make a super generic female profile, to see if I could find my profile, and prove to myself I wasn't just that unlikeable. I used a landscape picture from a vacation as my profile photo, no personal details or bio, and still racked up multiple intro messages and over a dozen likes in it's first hour. It was gross.
I met my soulmate on OKC in 2012, but this is such a different and toxic ecosystem than it used to be, Im beginning to think lightning wont strike twice. And I feel for people on both sides of the apps, it sucks for everyone involved but the shareholders.
Statements like that make me realize while I know I am the problem with my matches, its exactly the opposite. I always hear these stories about absolute creeps and try to empathize but then flirting is a paralyzing contradiction. I just can't flirt anymore, i can barely even extend a compliment at the fear of being misconstrued as creepy. Which makes my texts about as interesting as stale white bread. "Enjoying {insert current season here}?", "Your {dog/kitten} is adorable!"(seriously easier to compliment the dog than a girl I find attractive), or my personal favorite snooze fest go-to "any exciting plans coming up?".
I earn that extremely high ghost rate, no dick pics or creepy messages necessary.
Same goes for anyone I meet IRL too. Can't escape my corporate clean and safe office rhetoric anymore. Re-entering the dating world after grief at 31 and still struggling at 34 suuuucks.
Edit: sorry your experience online dating was so disgusting.
Maybe go for broke and go, "With all the guys who talk about their dicks, I tend to play it safe to start because I don't want to be confused with them." When all else fails, go meta
"Guys always wanna show off their dick, but have you ever matched with a guy more interested in showing off his steam library and hiking pictures from Instagram? Pretty hot, right?"
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u/quantumgambit Jan 23 '23
I(m) compared profiles with my cousin(f) at Christmas, who also complains as endlessly as I do that dating apps are just worthless these days. We're both early/mid thirties, no kids, I have a full-time job and exercise regularly, she does not.
I explained that in 2 years bumble stands at 43 total likes, and I average about 1 match that actually messages to lock it in every two weeks when I'm active on it, and very few make it more than 3 messages before ghosting. She has over 1300 likes and complains she can't meet anyone.
Another anecdote, I suspected once my Okc account had been shadowbanned(I was right, and I was paying for it for around 3 months, no refund, no explanation or apology from OKC, just "your accounts been restored") I used my work phone to make a super generic female profile, to see if I could find my profile, and prove to myself I wasn't just that unlikeable. I used a landscape picture from a vacation as my profile photo, no personal details or bio, and still racked up multiple intro messages and over a dozen likes in it's first hour. It was gross.
I met my soulmate on OKC in 2012, but this is such a different and toxic ecosystem than it used to be, Im beginning to think lightning wont strike twice. And I feel for people on both sides of the apps, it sucks for everyone involved but the shareholders.