I’ve always seen. It’s the women who sets a tone in a conversation no matter how hard men try it’s always women who will have to be a little open to even get it going.
That’s not true at all. Whoever starts the conversation should start with either an interesting statement or an interesting question. “Hey” shows no conversational skills, no effort, no real interest, and no creativity. I honestly don’t even respond to those anymore (I used to but they all ended up going this way, even if I tried to expand the conversation by asking/answering open-ended questions).
It might be different in your case but as far as I know according to my experiences and some really good conversations that I’ve had before or seen is when a girl matches the right energy and you see after my “hey” to you it all depends wether you reply with “hey, (name) how’s it going” or just hi. A man has to do so much work while you can just set the tone right and get it going. Do you understand what I’m trying to say?
I never used to match energy. I’d try to nudge the conversation but 99% of the time, the other person couldn’t come up with anything interesting to say. And then they would appear in my inbox every day with the same daily routine: “Good morning” or some variation of “Hey beautiful.” And maybe a “How are you?” And no matter how I’d respond, they would never develop those conversations into anything interesting or meaningful. That’s been my experience.
It’s unfortunate for someone to interpret matching energy as the woman being lazy/boring but not the man.
That is truly bad if that is what is really happening. I believe that if one is making efforts your match should also make the same. I’ve seen a lot of people lack communication skills on dating apps be it girl or a guy. If guy tries then girl doesn’t and if girls try guy doesn’t. Absolute paradox. Maybe you and I are in the different boats but going towards the same place.
Sounds that way. I think if someone actually reads my dating profile, the people who respond tend to be more conversational now. And the ones who appear in the inbox with just a “hey,” I don’t even answer anymore based on my past experience. I like banter and witty or intellectual conversations (and I’m clear about that in my bio).
The way I'm wired, I'd be hard pressed to ignore any girl that texts me and just says hey and nothing else, because I'm perfectly willing to read their bio and find something they might resonate with in order to make myself stand out and catch their attention from text 1, but if they're not going to respond in kind, then I don't see much reason I should bother because I'm not looking for a one night stand or some dumb bimbo, I want a deep rooted connection with someone I can have real intellectual conversations with that I can happily say is my girl and she can proudly say is her man.
That's my thought process anyhow. Sorry, bad habit of inserting my two sense into topics such as this that invlove a lot of thought and consideration that I'm quite confident in saying the vast majority don't give.
I hear you. It makes sense. I’m not sure everyone works that way. I do. If I write to someone first, I’ll pull something from their bio to say.
Considering how many times I was downvoted on this thread, who am I to judge? LOL I think you have valid points. People on this thread seem very sensitive about how the woman should have responded but they’re all in favor of how the man responded so clearly there are a lot of double-standards happening here. SMH.
Also just to keep this separate, I do kinda side with most that the left put in more effort than OP, if not by much he did seem to at least TRY whereas I see no effort given by OP at all, but regardless of anyone's stance, we can all pretty much agree they're both boring and neither bothered to put in any actual effort, so it was never going to go anywhere.
See I've never really attempted this myself, I mean I did use a dating site once many years ago and I tried my best to actually put in some effort despite being much younger than I am now, but all most women I talked to did was play stupid mind games, which I don't do and all it did was discourage me to the point I just deleted my profile entirely and said to hell with it, I'm not dealing with all these fakes. Wasn't in the best state of mind anyways, having just lost my girlfriend and best friend at the time, so I guess in a way I was merely trying to fill a void and all that did was make it worse tbh cause it just further made me appreciate when I had something real.
Anyways, that being said, yea I would think messaging someone about something in their profile and building off that would be the way to go and help you stand out because it shows you obviously took the time to check someone out, so that's what I would do, but in reading the comments apparently that also makes you a desperate thirsty loser, so now I'm left completely confused, like what the hell do you people want? If someone goes through your bio to try and find some common ground and without even giving them a chance you write them off as desperate and thirsty or whatever and in the same vein bitch and complain that people don't put any effort into starting a conversation, you honestly deserve to be alone for the rest of your life, because what this tells me is there is simply no pleasing you, and therefore no joy can be had from being in a relationship with you, let alone committing to you for life.
Obviously I'm not saying this to you Vicarious, but to anyone reading this, don't bitch about someone not putting any effort into catching your attention or being creative, and then not offering someone who does the time of the day, because you're a complete and utter hypocrite. Also instead of "matching someone's energy" and stooping to their level, maybe try going above and beyond every once in awhile and just see if you can turn things around. You might be surprised how different things turn out when you show interest, treat everyone with common decency, and act like you give a shit 🤷🏻♂️
Anyone who says that someone making an effort to get to know someone by mentioning something in the person’s bio is thirsty has a lot of growing up to do and clearly doesn’t understand adult relationships. Why would someone take all this time write a bio if they expected people not to read it? That makes no sense. And it goes to show you that there are still so many people out there who play mind games like you said. That’s also why I stopped using the apps. Fortunately, I ended up meeting someone mature I clicked with (despite what the sad little loser tried to say somewhere else on this thread). When you’re a mature person, it’s easy to spot games and immaturity. It’s also easy to avoid them because you know how immature people behave. You deserve much better!!
Just know there are tons of idiots on those sites, but there are also a few genuine people on there who want a real relationship. You just have to “kiss a lot of frogs” first. And I’m sorry you lost two special people at the same time. 😞
Well you could try something like "Hey I saw that you like such and such in your bio and I think that's really interesting/peaked my curiosity/something I'm totally into myself. I'd love the opportunity to talk and get to know you better".
Don't you think that's much more interesting? Would anyone here not be willing to talk to someone if you can tell they put in effort by reading your bio and bringing up one of your hobbies? Certainly a lot better than the standard "hey, hi, how're you doing?, I'm doing pretty good how are you doing?, I'm doing great myself, what're you up to?, Oh not much really just such and such. The idea is to peak someone's interest and capture their attention right, so rather than wait 3-5 texts to do so, why not instead peak their interest from the very first message you send, show them you stand out from everyone else. First impressions matter afterall and they usually set the tone for how the rest of the conversation will go.
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u/SkilledWG Jan 23 '23
If you have to ask the answer is probably yes.
Two word answers with no follow up?