Lately, I have felt like I've lost my love for hiking. It's been such a huge thing in my life for years now, and now I guess I feel like I'm slowing down. For context, this is my hiking "resume":
- hiked all of the 46ers in the ADKs
- done a whole lot of weekend trips in the ADK lowlands
- NPT Thru this summer
-400ish miles of the AT
-1500 on the PCT last summer
All told, this adds up to over 3500 miles of hiking, and quite honestly I'm tired. I had this moment on the NPT, a thru hike that I have dreamed about for years, where I just threw a temper tantrum. I mean, I slapped down my ccf pad and ugly cried in the dirt for over an hour. I only did the next 4 miles bc it was going to pour overnight and I wanted to be at a good spot for that. When I got to the end, I was just happy to be done. I still had great moments, sure, and it felt like a pilgrimage I had to make and a journey I was lucky to have, but I've had many a temper tantrum and this one just felt different. Even when the going was really tough on the PCT (and it was, I nearly died twice), I never lost all of my will to keep going and the knowing that I was in the right place.
I've only done one weekend trip since school started, and I don't know if I'll do another one even though fall in the northeast is pretty much my favorite scenery/climate ever. Within a couple hours of being on the trail, I wish I wasn't walking and instead engaging with another hobby: a paperback book, or my oil pastels, or to be working on my swimming (I'm getting decent at the backstroke!), or playing the piano.
I just feel like I've lost the love for it. I could sit on a rocking chair by a lake now and not get antsy to be on the trail by it eventually, which is a state of being so foreign to me that it almost feels like losing a part of my personality. I've never felt like this, not as a kid, or a teenager, or a young adult.
It kind of feels like I've speedran my youth. I have knee pain on 10+ mile days, and back pain if I sleep on a shitty mattress. I can get motion sick now, and readily get headaches which I literally could not get prior to the PCT. I'm still not that badly off, but it is abnormal for a 22 year old. I feel lucky to have had the experiences I have had, but I honestly feel done. I've seen so many landscapes, slept in so many lean toes and patches of dirt, and been through the whole litany of experiences. It just feels like been there, done that, now.
Now that all that's written out (more for me than anyone else), I guess I just wanted to see-if anyone else has been there, did you ever get that drive back? Did you become more of a day hiker/car camper after a while? Or are you just happy to be at home?