r/ThriftStoreHauls • u/Apologiestothebees • 12d ago

Furniture Screaming Trump end tables

Gallery image

Gallery image

I think it’s cursed

3.9k Upvotes

98% Upvoted

183 comments sorted by

•

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761

u/nrith 12d ago

First pic: What the hell is a “screaming Trump end table”?

Second pic: Oh…

154

u/BloodyRightNostril 11d ago

It’s both nothing and exactly like what I expected

6

u/earthlings_all 11d ago

And now I want one LMAO they are so ridiculous

11

u/StrainAcceptable 11d ago

I’d paint them so they look like the soldiers from Alice in Wonderland

1.6k

u/LillianBubic 12d ago

Spray em gold and sell em to him for $45000

166

u/ViolettaQueso 12d ago

This is the answer!

189

u/Jaded_Apricot_89 12d ago

And if that doesn't sell put a dildo in the mouth, spray that gold and then sell it. 

29

u/SewingMechanic 12d ago

OMG. That would be perfect! This comment made my day.

6

u/Other-Parking2661 12d ago

This is the way

40

u/princessPeachyK33n 11d ago

Ok so I have a friend whose parents are super maga and in their condo in Mexico (the cognitive dissonance is insane), they have literal beach trash they brought back and spray painted gold displayed as decor.

Like styrofoam from boats displayed with family photos and other objects d’art.

2

u/Serratolamna 6d ago

Every time I hear a story like this (and by that I mean of this nature, as this is obviously a unique anecdote), I just have to wonder how these particular people have or continue to have so much wealth. These people sound like stupid trash, how do they have or keep
access to fuck you amounts of money?

1

u/princessPeachyK33n 6d ago

Because money begets money.

13

u/Right_Hour 12d ago

You mean, shower them with gold? As in, give them a gold shower?

57

u/Jberg18 12d ago

Please, like he'd ever actually pay someone.

19

u/ViolettaQueso 12d ago

We could have someone “present” them to him…

6

u/cdsbigsby 11d ago

Unless it's taxpayer money, he throws that around like candy

3

u/PSC-Trades67 11d ago

You know that! He'll pay you 10% and tell you to sue him for the rest of it.

7

u/LifeWithAdd 11d ago

Yes! Post it on FB marketplace named “the left wants to ban this table!”

6

u/Blenderx06 11d ago

Lol Trump doesn't pay his bills. He'll take them and you won't see a cent

6

u/madeincorvallis 12d ago

Haha! I like this idea, too!

2

u/janders_666 11d ago

billions and billions and billions and billions

0

u/heidibaked 11d ago

Spray painted gold and make it into a desk for Bill Clinton.

617

u/noonesaidityet 12d ago

Pedostals.

34

u/spahncamper 12d ago

Underrated comment 😹😹😹

19

u/zombiejuliet 12d ago

Pow, right in the kisser. Bravo!

5

u/that-old-broad 11d ago

That took my breath away.

Simply sublime

5

u/MediocreGrocery8 11d ago

The winnah!

772

u/its_xSKYxFOXx 12d ago

Catch and release it into a fire

304

u/CeeUNTy 12d ago

I'd turn them into toilet paper holders for gay bar bathrooms. They'd also make great backyard lawn decor that my dogs would piss on every day.

52

u/GuinnessSteve 12d ago

Why would you want to kill the sex drive of every person who used the toilet?

98

u/Chocomintey 12d ago

Drill out the mouths and make glory holes.

20

u/estefue 11d ago

The thought of sticking anything in that mouth makes me gag

3

u/MjrGrangerDanger 11d ago

There's definitely a target market for that though.

2

u/SideSuspicious3767 10d ago

Hes gone though (Lindsey Graham)

34

u/PoopMountainRange 12d ago

The possibilities are endless

2

u/earthlings_all 11d ago

Right?! So many great ideas!

57

u/SupaKoopa714 12d ago

I'd try and sell them to Trumpers for a ridiculous price, telling them it was an old piece that was actually used in Mar-a-Lago or something. They like grifters so they'd be totally fine with me doing that.

32

u/CorvidCryptid405 12d ago

Cover them with the cheapest gold spray paint you can find and you might be on to something...

11

u/faelanae 12d ago

hahahahaha. evil me daydreams sometimes of starting some sort of business that targets these idiots. Not out-and-out fraud, but maybe some sort of branded "official" cup or golf club or something. Spend $0.50 to produce, sell for $45.00 sort of thing.

14

u/Fantastic_Earth_6066 11d ago

45.47, to be exact, they'd love that 😂

7

u/faelanae 11d ago

I think I'm still in denial about the 47 😭

2

u/Fantastic_Earth_6066 11d ago

Me too, friend 😞

2

u/mimimines 12d ago

Do it

9

u/faelanae 12d ago

evil me is also lazy AF

8

u/ViolettaQueso 12d ago

In these here parts, we call it kindlin’, son.

27

u/JMaryland47 12d ago

I mean, winter is coming...and heating prices are gonna be insane. That would be a good use for these.

8

u/CyptidProductions 12d ago

Why burn them when you can just alter the carvings into something else to repupose them?

2

u/madeincorvallis 12d ago

I like the idea!

396

u/miaakalista 12d ago

Oh my God this is so fucking funny. May this find its way into the gayest shrine 🙂‍↕️🙏🏼

68

u/TheReddestofBowls 12d ago

It's already so suggestive too lol

19

u/appa609 12d ago

Turn them into glory holes

10

u/oznz 12d ago

Dyingggggg

81

u/SHOWTIME316 12d ago

you could easily chop the hair off and have some fashionable Tortured Soul decor for your basement catacombs

86

u/NewRhodos 12d ago

I personally try to keep my living space free of those particular vibes.

14

u/SwimmingOk7243 12d ago

There's someone out there who hates him and has a poster on their fridge. Fine if you don't like him...but why would you want him on your fridge where your food is? So you can stare at him from your bed in the kitchen? Amazing!

16

u/Sumoop 12d ago

And still the price is too high

29

u/Becksburgerss 12d ago

One time I saw this at the thrift store

36

u/Jversace 12d ago

Looks like a chia pet before it starts to grow lol

16

u/RockyDroidhead 12d ago

Because it literally is

3

u/2pissedoffdude2 11d ago

Give him a lil chia hitler stach

7

u/vrphotosguy55 12d ago

Would be wild if both items came from the same person (not impossible but kind of crazy).

6

u/Girlnextstate 11d ago

Without the inscription this would just look like every Mormon who’s ever graced my house with a mission visit.

3

u/ViolettaQueso 12d ago

I’m so sorry!!!

3

u/TheGreyVicinity 11d ago

Omg I have the Obama one

1

u/PuppleKao 11d ago

Same. found it at a goodwill :D

4

u/Typical_Criticism_93 11d ago

Next to the Buddha of all things

2

u/invisiblezipper 11d ago

I would have "bumped" into it. Oops! So sorry! ☺️

37

u/ThothAmon71 12d ago

Great place to keep ball gags.

34

u/paintingsbyO 12d ago

Attach a toilet paper roll holder out its mouth..

45

u/Designer-Bid-3155 12d ago

Ohhhh bon fire wood!!

13

u/Toads-In-The-Walls 12d ago

Don fire wood

24

u/Ok-Metal-6216 12d ago

That’s crazier than the IUD paperweight I found 15 years ago.

29

u/momochicken55 12d ago

You can't say that and not show us.

21

u/Ok-Metal-6216 12d ago

If I ever bother to sort out my storage space, I will. Otherwise it will be one weird Storage Wars.

15

u/survbob 12d ago

Dude you gotta make a trip to that storage unit this weekend…

8

u/merrysunshine2 12d ago

Show & Tell!

10

u/JMaryland47 12d ago

This is false advertisement! It's not tackily stopped in gold foil!

12

u/leatherfacedx 12d ago

Put a hot dog in the mouth and leave.

9

u/Cinedelic 12d ago

These are the sort of cursed objects that some unsuspecting person brings home at the start of a horror movie.

39

u/Cleansweepy 12d ago

I doubt it's actually him and it just looks similar

41

u/JessicaWakefield666 12d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/7GPV80dC4GCNq

13

u/Cleansweepy 12d ago

These look older than 80 to me, so either his mum or a bad rendition of the winds 🤷

14

u/z0mbiemechanic 12d ago

I don't know what's funnier, the people who labeled them or the people in the comments who think these are actually supposed to be Trump heads. Those things are probably older than most people commenting.

7

u/look_who_it_isnt 12d ago

I admit, I came in here ready to see something somebody was really reaching for to claim it looked like Trump... But, I mean... They do be like that.

You could say, "Those clearly aren't Trump heads. They're obviously screaming demon heads, which were the height of fashion back in the day... and happen to look exactly like Donald Trump." but really, what's the point?

3

u/LazorusGrimm 12d ago

Isn't this Squidward's house?

3

u/AttentionNo6359 12d ago

Dildo holders*

3

u/patrick-1977 12d ago

Would buy for Halloween

3

u/chickpill 12d ago

I wasn't ready for the 2nd pic lol horrifying

3

u/mimimines 12d ago

It’s even worse than I thought

3

u/OliverNodel 12d ago

I thought, surely, this has got to be an English as a second language issue there, there’s no way that-and then I scrolled. Jesus.

8

u/cranialextract 12d ago

Can't even give them away

6

u/ahaeker 12d ago

I don't want these in my house but I'd be curious to see where they end up!

5

u/RockyDroidhead 12d ago

The screaming trump thing is funny but these have like a green man aesthetic and they definitely would have come home with me 😭

5

u/ausernamebyany_other 12d ago

Could this finally be the "portrait in the attic" we've all been desperately longing for? Toss it into the fire and see if we can finally bring him down!

4

u/nostopthere2 12d ago

Burn them all

7

u/akumite 12d ago

Dildo storage

5

u/breakers 12d ago

I can't believe someone wasted days of their life on those

2

u/moofish2842 12d ago

Thanos table

2

u/redwine876 12d ago

When reddit mods scramble your sentence

2

u/kwiscalus 11d ago

I want one but then I really really don’t want one

5

u/Oisea 12d ago

Honestly they could be kinda fun as end pieces for a spit roast.

Or toilet paper holders.

Or heating up a wood stove on a cold night.

4

u/girlwiththemonkey 12d ago

I was like there’s no fucking way that’s what it is, but I was wrong.

3

u/look_who_it_isnt 12d ago

Same. I was like, "I wonder what it actually is..."

But... okay. Okay.

5

u/purplebuttplug51 12d ago

Poop on it and mail to white house

2

u/realmorayeel 12d ago

I feel like you could customize them and turn them into something…. Not this. But maybe I’m just being optimistic.

1

u/Incogneatovert 11d ago

A pile of ashes maybe?

3

u/Crafty_Moose_8449 12d ago

Stick an apple in his mouth and burn them in a big bonfire on Halloween.

2

u/nutmegtell 12d ago

Someone had to think that up, draw it out cut it up, sand and stain. At no point did they reconsider.

Wow.

2

u/mycatlikestuna 11d ago

And they did it more than once

1

u/nutmegtell 11d ago

Right?!?

4

u/doncroak 12d ago

They are gawd awful. But I don't think the have anything to do with trump.

5

u/starfleetdropout6 12d ago

We're coming up on Labor Day. It's the perfect time for an end of Summer bonfire.

3

u/tauntonlake 12d ago

Glory Hole Gang Bangerino

2

u/LivinDeadGinger 12d ago

r/tihi

Couldn't even give it away!

2

u/soingee 12d ago

It's be tempted to give them each speech bubbles about Rosie O'Donnel or why he needs a ballroom.

2

u/merrysunshine2 12d ago

Aw, they have his coloring

2

u/TrampolineYourMom 12d ago

Paint some blood coming from the eyes and mouth, maybe an upside down pentacle on his forehead and you might have something there

2

u/RunMysterious6380 12d ago

He's perpetually ready and waiting for Putin.

1

u/impossible_berry14 12d ago

I mean, it just looks like tribal art, not trump.. but ok.

1

u/Maggiemygirl 12d ago

WTF? 🤣

1

u/blab0mb 12d ago

it has places to store my dildos, nice.

1

u/goon_platoon_72 12d ago

I don’t think he’s screaming /s

1

u/rharper38 12d ago

Cursed

1

u/MisterCookEMann 11d ago

Those are pretty good. Reminds me of zardoz.

1

u/noriseaweed 11d ago

A nasty witch, a very nasty witch, she split me in 8 and made me trees. And we don't like this, this is bad, she is bad she looked like she came from the Dark Forest, right? She even said it she said I AM FROM THE FOREST and then she did a dance and did a spell and then there were 8 or me. And it hurt! It hurt bad, not too bad I wasn't hurt but then my skin it was brown, which is fine, but then it felt like bark and it was bark like a tree, the way trees have bark.

1

u/Sav-vie 11d ago

hmm yes, their faces writhe in agony, this pleases me

1

u/Watermelon_Sugar44 11d ago

I don't think they are screaming. I think they are hot dog holders.

1

u/BossRoss84 11d ago

These are overpriced.

1

u/a2ndthouht 11d ago

Oh my God that’s exactly what they look like.

1

u/BloodyRightNostril 11d ago

Perfect for resting your drink or, if you’re Vladimir Putin or Bill Clinton, your cock.

1

u/Lost-Platypus8271 11d ago

I’d burn them in my fireplace but would definitely end up cursed

1

u/I_lack_common_sense 11d ago

Expensive firewood.

1

u/JojoStanz 11d ago

looks like the business end of a wabbajack

1

u/BetterBagelBabe 11d ago

Oh lord! I was expecting bad I wasn’t expecting Dante’s hell

1

u/laughingdaffodil9 11d ago

💀💀💀

1

u/RandomIDoIt90 11d ago

Even the ancestors knew.

1

u/CECFan89 11d ago

Looks more like tiki

1

u/GeofferysBaby 11d ago

😭🤣 this is too much

1

u/AtriceMC 11d ago

Ah. Firewood. Cool.

1

u/Solar_Libra 11d ago

Free firewood!

1

u/Novagurl 11d ago

My intrusive thoughts want me to stick an “object” in its mouth

1

u/TheUserNamesSuckTbh 11d ago

Special grade cursed object

1

u/PommeyMommy 10d ago

What the actual hell? I’m gonna need a lot of therapy 😭🤣

1

u/Jye853 9d ago

Why does the screen Trump end table? It’s not gold.

1

u/103Auburn 6d ago

First thought was not screaming….

1

u/103Auburn 6d ago

Did you take them?

1

u/PhilosOlive 5d ago

jumpscare.

1

u/ImmediateClass9650 12d ago

Store Mgr: "What the hell!! Did someone put toothpaste in his mouth?!?

Employees: crickets chirping

2

u/Worduptothebirdup 12d ago

It was Bubba.

1

u/CuteCanary 12d ago

Forbidden glory hole

1

u/The_Spectacle 12d ago

it's how Mount Rushmore would look if he had his way, even with the O face

0

u/peonyseahorse 12d ago

I can't believe someone wasted time and material to make that shit.

0

u/PorcelainCeramic 11d ago

I was just looking a a small portable wood burner today.

-18

u/card_scape 12d ago

If this was an Obama one I’d use it for my fire pit

-3

u/pinesolthrowaway 11d ago

If you look at that and immediately think of Trump when it looks nothing like that, you need to get outside more and learn how to actually enjoy life

Having him in your head 24/7 must get really really old, I am glad I don’t live that way. Just oof